Prediction: Dzhokhar Tsarnaev to be Next Anti-Death Penalty Poster Boy

by W.F. Price on January 30, 2014

The feds have announced their intent to execute Dzokhar Tsarnaev for his role in the Islamic terror bombing of the Boston Marathon. As you may remember, in the aftermath of the attack, Dzhokhar became an object of romantic attention for a shocking number of young women and girls, some of whom even set up blogs demanding his release (into their open arms, presumably). The combination of Dzhokhar’s dreamy boy-band looks with his blood-soaked infamy was apparently irresistible to throngs of nubile female admirers.

Now that he’s facing a death sentence on conviction (the feds never lose), I predict that he will immediately become one of the foremost objects of sympathy and tender love in the United States. I wonder whether the Bureau of Prisons has already developed a protocol for dealing with the tons of love letters he’s sure to receive. Now that I mention it, I bet they have.

We are prone to generalizing women as slaves to fashion and popular opinion, but when lust comes into the equation even women are willing to throw off the shackles of propriety. There will be women who, despite widespread disapproval and condemnation, will throw every effort their little souls can muster into attempts to join with the dark young prince of their dreams. Thus, on the path to his demise, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev will be accompanied by a procession of wailing, protesting women, defending their true love to his last breath.

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