Red Pill Advice from Art of Manliness

by W.F. Price on January 29, 2014

Some people took me to task for holding Brett McKay’s Art of Manliness blog out as an example of a highly successful site that rejects “the narrative” out of hand. I’ll admit that I, too, thought of it as pretty light fare for a while, but when the site gives solid advice to young men, as it has today with its article “14 Red Flags to Look Out for in a Relationship,” you’ve got to hand it to the author for going where most social conservatives – including too many conservative Christians – dare not tread.

A few excerpts:

You’ve probably had a friend who started dating a woman that really made you scratch your head. She was flaky, possessive, and high-drama. Everyone could see that the gal was toxic and really bringing your buddy down…everyone, that is, except your buddy.

You tell yourself, “That would never happen to me.”

But then it does.

[...]

“Well,” you say, “I’m a manly man, dammit. I don’t let my emotions get the best of me in a relationship. I always think rationally.”

Hold on there, chief. Some research actually indicates that men, particularly men in their mid-twenties, “typically fall in love faster than women and are the first to take the lead in saying words of love in the initial stages of the relationship.” Women, on the other hand, are generally more apprehensive in the beginning stages of a relationship. In other words, just because you’re a dude, doesn’t mean you’re not susceptible to love blindness.

Knowing that your judgment is clouded, it’s important to enter any serious relationship with both your head and your heart. You need be able to distance yourself from the powerful emotions you’re likely feeling in a new relationship so that you can notice any red flags that might indicate that you’re destined for a relationship from hell. This is doubly important if you’re considering marriage.

But what sort of red flags should you be on the lookout for? While every man has his own personal relationship red flags or deal breakers, psychologists and marriage experts have found there are a few general red flags you should be aware of. Most of these are patterns of behavior in your partner that will likely (not definitely) result in a troubled relationship down the road.

[...]

1. She’s a self-proclaimed “Drama Queen.” Beware of women who not only proclaim themselves to be Drama Queens, but also revel in the role. Drama Queens often swing from one emotional extreme to another; when life seems a little boring or flat, they’ll go out of their way to stir up a controversy. They’re often impulsive and demand to be the center of attention all the time. What’s interesting is that Drama Queendom isn’t just a character defect, it could actually be a psychological disorder called “histrionic personality disorder.” Who knew?

Drama Queens can be very alluring and attractive in the beginning of the relationship because of their seemingly outgoing and often seductive personalities. But the shtick gets old after a while and constant drama in a long-term relationship just makes people miserable.

[...]

3. She says ALL her exes are jerks. There’s a possibility that every man she’s ever dated was indeed a jerk. If that’s the case, what does that say about her judgment, and what is it about her personality that draws her to losers? And that also means you’re probably a jerk too, as people tend to follow the same scripts and patterns across relationships.

The more likely scenario is that some — but not all — of her exes were jerks and she’s downplaying her role in the relationships going sour. This scenario is just as troublesome – as it shows a lack of self-awareness and an unwillingness to take responsibility. We all know folks who got fired from a job, received a bad grade, or got dumped because their boss was jealous, their professor was out to get them, and their girlfriend was nuts. It’s never their fault. Avoid relationships with this type of person like the plague.

[...]

6. She expects to be treated like a princess. When one person comes into a relationship with a sense of entitlement and expectation that his or her needs should always come before the other person’s, resentment, contempt, and anger are usually the results. Be on the lookout for subtle and overt clues that your partner has the “princess” mentality. (Hint: She has the word “Princess” stitched on the butt of her sweatpants.)

[...]

13. She’s violent. Did you know that women are at least as likely, sometimes even more likely, than men to initiate domestic violence? Sure, her punches may not hurt you, but if your girlfriend gets violent when you argue, that should be a bright red flag that you need to end the relationship. There’s some underlying emotional issues there, and if she did it before, she’ll likely do it again. Don’t shrug it off – slapping can escalate into the use of weapons…

Good stuff. Frankly, I wish somebody had sat me down and hammered these lessons into my head when I was 18. Given that a lot of McKay’s readers are young men, he’s doing a yeoman’s job here. Compare him to, say, Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill church, who lays into his young male parishioners for not marrying single mothers, and he’s a beacon of light in the darkness.

We need more popular, practical advice for young men, who tend to get all the wrong messages today. When someone can provide that through an enjoyable, readable platform that has broad appeal, it’s an enormous service.

Good work, Brett.

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

earl January 29, 2014 at 13:59

Keep the premarital sex out of the relationship too. If there is anything that fogs a young man’s mind to the red flags it is that.

Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 16 Thumb down 4
keyster January 29, 2014 at 15:24

When you’re getting f*cked really well, especially after a dry spell, it’s hard to see the catastrophe that lies ahead. I too believe a smart young man doesn’t engage in sex until months into the relationship. This was the original intent of chastity – to commit to a friend for life, rather than a lover or a whore.

When you think you’re in love with a woman who you’re very compatible with sexually, you’re blinded by endorphins. Same thing happens to women, but men need to start controlling the situation better.

Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 26 Thumb down 1
DCM January 29, 2014 at 16:15
criolle johnny January 29, 2014 at 17:19

Read the comments on AOM. The number of female comments has increased quite a bit lately. This article in particular has a number of female readers telling men what they should think AND what they should feel.
To borrow a feminist term, I found it “creepy”.

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cxj January 30, 2014 at 21:01

“Good stuff. Frankly, I wish somebody had sat me down and hammered these lessons into my head when I was 18.”

Ditto :(

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Mike January 31, 2014 at 11:55

The challenge I’ve faced as an early-thirties male is spreading the message. Due to my profession, I’ve had to become a mentor to many young men.

I try to stay positive, but I refuse to buy into any of this “new-age” dogma bullshit. I always recommend that a man “knows his role” and that he find a woman that knows hers.

Now, in no way, is that some kind of iconic 50′s advice where she’s taking his hat and coat when he walks through the door, and handing him a martini. But, what it is, is advice that says he is a man, and should find a woman that expects him to behave like one.

Roles do exist, and roles are important. Understanding this can be painted as misogynistic in today’s world, but it is still as true today as it was at the beginning of our species.

Unfortunately, I find the men of the younger generation increasingly brainwashed. Maybe, that’s me getting older and adopting that “those damn kids” mentality, but I don’t believe so.

I do believe that today’s young men are increasingly drawn to all things feminine. I mean their forms of entertainment and fashion speak volumes to this.

Furthermore, after spending some time in Asia, I’ve found the young men over their to be completely feminine. Weirdly enough, that’s what their women seem to want from them. Maybe this is an example of things to come here in the states.

So my advice to the members here, is to definitely mentor someone. Think of the experiences we have all had collectively, and that mindset of “if I only knew this when I was younger”. Spread the message guys… just don’t come across like some cynical asshole while doing it.

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Escaped Alive and Intact February 12, 2014 at 00:53

This is a true to life tall tale from the days before I gave up on women altogether. It is a condensed version of many months of interaction. If I’d had any brains back then, I would have made a list like this one, and posted it for all to see — especially “her.”

Welcome, dear guest, into my home.
Let me acquaint you with how we do things around here.

1. If you don’t want pet hairs on your clothes, then stay off the furniture. They live here and you don’t.
2. Don’t gripe about the toilet position. When I’m at your house, I will gladly do it your way. Here, we’ll do it my way. By the way, it takes just as much work for me to raise it as for you to lower it. It comes out even.
3. Don’t lecture me about your emotions. That’s what your girlfriends are for. Guys (the straight kind) don’t really care about the complex minute details of people’s moods. A simple statement will do, for example, “I’m feeling sad now.”
4. Don’t make me guess what you are thinking or feeling. If I ask you, “what’s wrong,” and you say, “nothing,” then I will take you at your word.
5. Don’t ask me if what you’re wearing makes you look fat. I’m wise to that trick, and you know the answer already. Consider yourself lucky if I don’t say, “Yes, it does make you look fat” just to watch some Drama Queen fireworks.
6. Don’t talk to me during the game. Wait for a commercial.
7. Don’t tell me how to do things, even if I’m doing them for you. You should do it yourself instead of micromanaging someone else. Just give me the assignment and turn me loose.
8. I have friends, hobbies, and activities that you don’t like. Don’t try to take them from me. In return, I’ll not interfere with yours.
9. My décor and furniture placement is my business. Leave it be. Above all, don’t move things so I can’t find them.

Update: She dumped me and became a lesbian the last I heard. I lived happily ever after, and I hope she did too.

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