Death in the Family

by W.F. Price on November 25, 2013

My younger cousin Tyler, a big and strong, yet kind-hearted young man who had unfortunately been struggling with a drug addiction for some time, took his life last weekend. I just attended his funeral to pay my last respects.

As far as cousins go, we were pretty close, and it’s hard for me to accept that this young man I’d known since his birth decided to end his life. However, addiction can have a powerful effect on mood and psychology. Perhaps he felt like he was hopeless — there’s a great deal of pressure brought to bear on young men these days. We do not live in a forgiving, accepting society.

I have my regrets, but in these cases it’s hard to know whether one’s efforts could have made a difference. Nevertheless, it strengthens my resolve to try to make the world a place where men of all sorts belong, rather than a predatory society that devours the fragile among us, or a mindless one that simply thoughtlessly tramples them.

To see my uncles’ and cousins’ genuine sorrow was truly touching, and despite the tragedy, it gave me a sense of hope. We do care about each other, and as long as that’s true, there’s a reason to carry on.

{ 61 comments… read them below or add one }

Brian November 25, 2013 at 14:27

“We do not live in a forgiving, accepting society.”

-W.F. Price

Sho’nuff, Price.

And you have my condolences.

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Poiuyt November 25, 2013 at 14:47

You have my sympathy Welmer.

Like yourself I dread the growing callousness, contemptuousness, sneering and punitive society being built around male culpability and punishment. Society is being constructed around the profitable exploitation and blaming of young men whom have absolutely no idea of what they’re facing or how to react constructively.

I see before me multitudes of unaborted, fatherless, rudderless, aimless, leaderless, jobless and hated on young males feverishly searching in vain for respite or refuge in anything.

The worst thing is that these father isolated young men in addition to being maladapted by design are also concurrently being trained, conditioned and groomed to reject, to fear and to doubt themselves as normal and worthy. So much advantage is being taken of them right from conception and birth.

Young men are in todays society being stripped, denied and refused the possibility of gaining any favorable identity or any favorable route to self determination … And this is something for which those of us whom know must continuously and persistently react against in addition to raising mens political awareness.

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Mickey T November 25, 2013 at 14:54

I lived in a time when the transition from booze to drugs was in progress. Some young people who went to drugs paid the ultimate price, but suicide was almost unheard of. You are right, these are unforgiving times, what I see here from young men is very troubling.

My deep sympathy to you and the family.

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Sparks November 25, 2013 at 15:02

R.I.P.

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Uncle Elmer November 25, 2013 at 15:07

Sorry to hear about this Bill, my condolences. This is one reason I remind myself to speak in a positive and encouraging manner to young men. For one thing I am old and that should be expected and another is that young men who are struggling to make it in the world get a lot of negativity from just about everyone.

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dragnet November 25, 2013 at 15:10

Please accept my sincerest condolences, Welmer.

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Mickey T November 25, 2013 at 15:12

I am going to be bold and out of place by speaking for everybody connected to The Spearhead.
If it would give you any comfort, or wouldn’t mind, it might be nice for you to consider posting a picture of your cousin here.
I’m sure it will be well received, there is a lot of extended family here, Bill.

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geographybeefinalisthimself November 25, 2013 at 15:24

I send my condolences, Bill.

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The Other Jim November 25, 2013 at 16:25

My thoughts and prayers to and your family. I can relate quite a bit. I lost my 18 year old cousin to a OD of N-Bomb(One of several new synthetic drugs) earlier this year. While I place some of the blame on him for taking the drug in the first place, I place the rest of the blame on his never married mother for refusing to get married to the father of my 18 year old cousin and creating all of the ensuing emotional instability that led my cousin to taking those drugs. IMO, the kid never really had a chance because his mother was so irresponsible and selfish.

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Vektor November 25, 2013 at 17:47

Condolences to you and to Tyler’s dad. Tragic and heartbreaking.

I have a young son myself. I would not recover from the sorrow if I lost him.

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TFH November 25, 2013 at 18:11

Welmer,

Oh, that is very sad. Wishing you and Tyler’s other relatives the best, and my deepest condolences.

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Anon7 November 25, 2013 at 18:15

I’m sorry for your loss.

Six years ago I went to the funeral of my oldest cousin, John. I always think of him in his Army uniform, because my grandmother always proudly displayed his picture in her living room when I was growing up

Unfortunately, that side of the family has a weakness for alcohol; John became an alcoholic.

His addiction cost him his family, his job, everything he possessed and finally, his life. He literally drank himself to death.

It is difficult to find something positive to do. I chose to spend more time with his mother (my aunt), traveling to their town to see her. I’d like to think that she was comforted.

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Aharon November 25, 2013 at 18:43

Bill, I am so sorry for your loss. May God comfort you and your loved ones. I have asked God to look after you and your relatives.

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King Alfred November 25, 2013 at 18:56

I am so sorry for your loss. I have lost several good friends to suicide, one after his wife left him and took the kids, another apparently because he simply grew weary of the abuse heaped upon him by society and by his family. I often think about what I might have said or done to help them through their hard times. I talked to one of these friends the day before he committed suicide. I didn’t realize at the time what he was planning, and I now regret that I didn’t pay more attention to his unusually serious and sad demeanor. Now, when I recognize the pain in a friend’s face, I try much harder to listen and give hope where I can.

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MSimon November 25, 2013 at 18:59

I have studied “addiction” for a very long time. My conclusion is that there is no such thing. There are only people in pain. If you can take the pain away the “addiction” goes with it.

It is PTSD mostly. A pain in the brain. And we have no objective way to diagnose it. So we persecute the unfortunates with the condition. And the main persecutors these days? Our “compassionate” Conservative “friends”.

So what is indicated? Cannabis for the milder cases and Opiates for the very severe cases.

How much better off would Tyler been if his condition had been met with sympathy rather than persecution?

I haven’t studied the stimulants. But I would imagine something similar is going on.

On top of all that long term “addiction” is genetic. Only about 20% have the gene. Only about 1/2 those (in normal life) get enough trauma to trigger PTSD/”addiction”. If you note the incidence of long term PTSD from our wars the rate runs about 20% to 25%.

BTW everyone gets short term PTSD from trauma. Only those genetically susceptible get long term PTSD.

This link will get you started:
http://www.vice.com/read/more-and-more-us-veterans-are-smoking-weed-to-treat-their-ptsd

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greenlander November 25, 2013 at 19:51

It seems trite to offer any kind of meaningful consolation in words for someone in your position. What words can make up for the loss of a cousin?

I’m sorry, Bill.

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quicksand November 25, 2013 at 21:35

Very sorry to see this. You have my deepest sympathy. You’re a good man, W.F.

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BC Dad November 25, 2013 at 23:32

My condolences, tough to see a young man lose hope. As always Bill, you’re bringing a positive message – caring is where it’s at, especially among men.

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kuis November 26, 2013 at 01:53

Sorry to hear about your loss. I lost a good friend to drugs 10 years ago, and my sister is going down the same path unfortunately.

Elmer is right that we need to be mindful of how we speak to younger men. When i was going my teaching rounds i became very much aware of the importance of this, even if they were being disrespectful to me.

Young men are very troubled today and they need our guidance and support.

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Justinian November 26, 2013 at 03:11

Perhaps he felt like he was hopeless — there’s a great deal of pressure brought to bear on young men these days. We do not live in a forgiving, accepting society.

The left is making it obvious what they want us to do:
Liberal Professor Tells White Male Students To Commit Suicide To Benefit Society

NOEL IGNATIEV: If you are a white male, you don’t deserve to live. You are a cancer, you’re a disease, white males have never contributed anything positive to the world! They only murder, exploit and oppress non-whites! At least a white woman can have sex with a black man and make a brown baby but what can a white male do? He’s good for nothing.

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Highwasp November 26, 2013 at 05:50

wow – this is sad – I have a son – and I have been suicidal. I do all that I can to steer my young man in a direction where he gains success and happiness and avoids such misery and hopelessness that would lead to taking his own life… that hurts just writing it. I am sincerely sorry to hear this Mr. Price ~ Condolences.

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Rod November 26, 2013 at 06:10

I’m sorry to hear of your loss, and offer my sincere condolences. I know from experience that this kind of loss can be especially haunting for the bereaved, and hope that you and your extended family find the support you need.

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lets stick together November 26, 2013 at 07:54

I am very sorry to hear about your cousin. We have all known people who have had chemical addictions be it Drugs or Alcohol. A cousin of mine by marriage took his own life and somebody else with him. I hope this just strengthens your resolve. This will make you stronger in the long run. Again, I am deeply sorry for your loss.

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keyster November 26, 2013 at 08:51

Sorry for your loss Bill.
This addiction stuff can be bigger than anyone imagines.
And more often than not there’s an underlying issue that the addiction masks. Even in the show “Intervention” many of the addicted go right back to their old ways after 90 days of intense treatment, if they last that long. You think, “if only something could have been done” – but too often nothing can.

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Mickey T November 26, 2013 at 10:11

“underlying issue”

Yes, keyster. It sounds like alcoholism.

I realize to some younger folks here it may be old, but I lost my older sister at age 58. She raised 4 children and put them through college (yes her) but she never got to enjoy her golden years.
She had an extremely hard life and never could escape that “underlying reason” but she managed to stay until her children were adults and she just let herself go.

Don’t want to get off topic too much or cause a distraction from Bill’s cousin, but I think it’s good for younger guys to hear my sister is one reason that I know NAWALT is true.

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Thos November 26, 2013 at 10:20

My condolences, sir.

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Mickey T November 26, 2013 at 10:35

Sorry to go on, but I guess probably everybody has the point at which life becomes unbearable. I think drugs, along with the current culture hastens the process rapidly. It’s a matter of how much control the influences have over us often helpless human beings.

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Anderson Davies November 26, 2013 at 10:58

Sorry Bill: Dealing with a bit of an addiction issue myself but not as bad as your beloved cousin. Stand tall my brother.

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DW3 November 26, 2013 at 11:05

Sorry for your loss. It’s hard wondering what one might have done differently when a relative or friend takes their own life. I don’t feel comfortable dragging the thread off topic by adding any more than my condolences.

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The First Joe November 26, 2013 at 14:18

Welmer – sorry to hear about your cousin. RIP.
I agree that it’s an unforgiving world for (young) men.

@Justinian – the article you link to is actually sourced from a satirical (i.e. BS) blog.

Article source: http://diversitychronicle.wordpress.com/2013/11/18/progressive-professor-urges-white-male-students-to-commit-suicide-during-class/
Here’s the disclaimer page, that specifies it’s satire:
http://diversitychronicle.wordpress.com/disclaimer/

The real Ignatiev’s views fall short of telling men to kill themselves:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noel_Ignatiev

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gender foreigner November 26, 2013 at 14:45

Dear Welmer:

I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve dealt with such several times and such is cause for extended reflection. It’s hard to know what to say/what not to say. As such, whatever I’m supposed to say, that is what I mean.

Death is a shock to the soul. May your soul find rest.

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Lamachus November 26, 2013 at 15:11

May he find peace at last.

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shiva1008 November 26, 2013 at 15:24

Not having a place in society and not being able to contribute positively is a major factor in substance abuse. Look at aborigines and native americans. They have been displaced and their cultural ways no longer work, and substance abuse is high in those communities. It’s called learned helplessness in psychology. They feel they don’t have a place or any way to contribute positively so they drink kava or alcohol and watch tv. Of course it’s not a factor in all cases but on some level it is a lot of the time. Being able to contribute to society is a huge factor for mental well-being, and of course women are well aware of this and have made sure that they have their positions and are needed, not giving a s*** if men get boxed out — until it’s their sons.

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Dan the man November 26, 2013 at 19:13

I lost a son in 2010. He literally went crazy, and eat himself to death. He was part of the Hare Krishna cult. He never got over my divorce from his mother. He was 29, and I think tried to replace his lost family, with the cult. It is this that caused me to question things, like I hadnt before. That is when found the MRA. Yes, my former wife cheated on me, but I feel a lot of guilt over this. My sincere condolences.

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3DShooter November 26, 2013 at 19:30

My heartfelt thoughts are with you Bill. You do so much for so many, there really is not much one can say other than we appreciate you and feel for your loss.

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Wobs November 27, 2013 at 01:51

As a regular reader, and rare poster, I can only offer my condolences.

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Mike November 27, 2013 at 05:41

Sorry for your loss.

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Mickey T November 27, 2013 at 09:18

IMHO- then I should leave this one
I’m not sure one should criticize the way another expresses his condolences. When I lost loved ones all wishes were welcome. It’s the caring that counts, not the way a wish is delivered. And, of course a person who has a gift for expressing his sympathy cares no more than a person who doesn’t meet up to the standards of the “no” voters.
Sometimes it’s better to say “it’s not my favorite” than “I don’t like it”‘
I hope I’m not out of place, Bill.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 2
GT66 November 27, 2013 at 12:48

Bill, my condolences to you and your family. It has been my observation that is it usually the sincerest and most sensitive of souls that, finding the crude brutality of everyday society too hard to bear, turn instead to drugs and drink as a means of seeking refuge. They are a sad testament to the true nature of our society.

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Sam November 27, 2013 at 13:39

So sorry to hear this. Both of my sons got into drugs. It nearly sent me over the edge. It’s a horrible thing and can tear a family apart.

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chris November 27, 2013 at 21:16

My condolences to the family.

This is not the place to argue the nature of addictions, but to give sympathy.

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Matt November 28, 2013 at 12:55

So sorry for your loss Mr Price

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GraniteSoldier November 28, 2013 at 14:50

Condolences Bill.

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www.coalpha.org November 28, 2013 at 23:23

I’ve never lost a loved one like this, so I can’t say I know how you feel. But, this is a reason to keep fighting the good fight. In a different world that valued men, he could have been a loving husband and father. And you can keep spreading the message so that some young men can be spared who might otherwise be driven to this kind of fate.

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crella November 29, 2013 at 04:32

I’m sorry that you lost someone dear to you, Bill.

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Thos. November 29, 2013 at 07:38

Greetings from the great white north. I hope that our cousins south of the border have a safe and happy holiday.

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Georice81 November 29, 2013 at 08:03

I am sorry about your cousin.

These are very hard times for young males. I shudder to think how I would fare if I was part of this generation.

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Tam the Bam November 29, 2013 at 14:34

Bill, I am sorry for your loss.

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continent December 1, 2013 at 11:03

My apolpgy for not expressing my condolenses earlier. But I was trying to understnad your profound quote
“Nevertheless, it strengthens my resolve to try to make the world a place where men of all sorts belong, rather than a predatory society that devours the fragile among us, or a mindless one that simply thoughtlessly tramples them. ”
Japan which so ruthlessly tried tt become a world power, reportedly expressed its xenophobia towards immigrant Koreans.
“Go home, or die”

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Harcomas December 2, 2013 at 00:07

I lived in a time when the transition from booze to drugs was in progress.

Yes, another glorious contribution of the baby boomers who came of age in the 1960s.

He never should have done drugs in the first place. Drugs and alcohol solve nothing.

All men today suffer in one way or another from the current feminist system. Yet, many do not do drugs or alcohol. Meanwhile, many men who enjoy financial or social success are drug and alcohol addicts. The root cause of drug and alcohol abuse is spiritual. No matter how much men suffer today, there is ultimately no excuse for turning to drugs and alcohol.

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Joeb December 2, 2013 at 15:31

Sorry Bill ,
Im working hard on opening a house for men. Addiction will be a big part of it . Not Just drugs but , real men’s issue’s and addiction to female’s .
Iv seen to much of this in my life , I suppose all we can do is try to catch the next guy down and out , Nobody wants to see that happen , Grants are scarce and money is always an issue .
Iv lost fore friends and a friends child to drugs . I can’t hardly sleep a whole Night without seeing one of there faces .
Hopefully God will bless us with a way to get these things done , I feel for all the men that suffer needlessly .
Sorry for your pain Bill ,

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gender foreigner December 3, 2013 at 05:11

Dear Harcomas December 2, 2013 at 00:07:

Thank you for your contribution. In the last year, the Lord has brought to me attention the words of the Godly woman accounted in Proverbs 31. In those words, she made clear that alcohol was for people in various states of duress.

May I request that you peruse Prov. 31 and write your reflections on it?

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Kyo December 3, 2013 at 13:50

May God bless you and your cousin, Bill.

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Skeptic December 4, 2013 at 05:34

Sorry to hear of your loss Bill.

My understanding of suicide is that there are a couple of major reasons – loss of identity and loss of community.
I notice that these are both conditions that feminists strive to create – for men.

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Mickey T December 4, 2013 at 16:11

“Yes, another glorious contribution of the baby boomers who came of age in the 1960s.”

I experienced then and I’m experiencing now and I say the destructive nature of the 60s can’t compare to that of today. Isn’t that what this article and responses are about?
I became an alcoholic at 17, wanna hear why?
Who let things get worse?
You know NOTHING of this boy and that’s exactly what you should say.

Sorry, Bill . You can banish me now for being too weak to resist that one.

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GraniteSoldier December 4, 2013 at 19:14
continent December 6, 2013 at 07:18

@ Mickey T Your quote
“You know NOTHING of this boy and that’s exactly what you should say.

Sorry, Bill . You can banish me now for being too weak to resist that one.”

Bill don’t have to banish you, you can exit on your own volition. But more I thought about it, you hava made so many informative comments that The Spearhead would lose a valuable voice. Of course its your decision, but Godspeed whatever you choise is.

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Boomers December 11, 2013 at 17:02

Yes, another glorious contribution of the baby boomers who came of age in the 1960s.

Sure, because no one even heard of drugs before the 60′s lol

Those members of the “greatest generation” that preceded them never died from alcohol or from overdoses of barbiturates or numerous other drugs.
You’re just some ignorant kid who probably hates your parents who may have been boomers. You have no idea beyond your very limited life about how many people actually died from various substances throughout history and long before the boomers were around.

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jack December 17, 2013 at 05:08

Not to mention that many deaths and ruined lives get put down to “drugs” while they should more accurately be put down to drug laws. If left alone to pursue their hobby, most drug users can live as normal a life as non drug users.

One jail sentence and all is over.

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Lynn December 26, 2013 at 08:31

That’s awful. I’m sorry for your loss.

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Harcomas January 2, 2014 at 10:34

Of course people have always abused alcohol. Of course people took cocaine and heroin or other drugs before the 1960s.

The baby boomers gloried in drug use — many still fondly recall those days: “hey man, it was the seventies,” or “cocaine was, like, so avant-garde during disco.”

The baby boomers were the first rock and roll generation. One could clearly see in their general character a regression of morals and maturity compared to previous generations. They certainly were far less reticent or subdued than their parents or grandparents. They embodied the perpetual adolescent spirit that permanently marks them to this day.

Whereas before the 1960s drugs were non-existent in high schools, today the words “high school” and “drugs” go hand in hand. After the 1960s, it was common for many high school students to be mocked and ridiculed for being “square” or “uncool” for shunning drugs.

No, the baby boomers weren’t the first generation to use drugs. But they helped popularize it on a wide scale as never before.

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