A few days ago, I started writing a piece on MGTOW, but I didn’t finish it to my satisfaction, so I saved it for later in the week. I’m glad I waited, because a post on Heartiste underscored my point.
It turns out that Mark Minter, who has written various MGTOW and anti-marriage posts, is engaged to “Kate,” a woman who posts frequently on Heartise. They met through the manosphere, and now the once staunchly anti-marriage writer is ready to go through it again.
Naturally, there have been accusations of hypocrisy. How could someone who has denounced marriage in strong terms turn around and get engaged to a woman?
On Roosh’s Return of Kings blog, Minter is profiled as “a commenter named Mark Minter who is dropping anti-marriage bombs all over the manosphere.”:
This is the most ridiculous logic I have heard. To call someone a pussy that counsels not to get married because of the risk is blowhard bullshit. You have a 1 in 1,000,000 chance of dying when you leave the house. You have 1 in 2 chance of divorce. 1 in 2. My opinion and observation of data is that your odds are higher if you marry someone attractive. Higher still if you were a player. So go to a roulette wheel and bet 40% of all of your future income on the red or the black. Same thing. It depends on your definition of Game. Some say Game is proactive and allows you to get the best out of life. I think it is somewhat reactive. I say it is defensive. Game enables you to avoid Oneitis and to make sane and rational decisions, to not be dragged, tricked, or manipulated into marriage.
You know what. I am going exactly the other direction from you. You are a pussy if you do marry. You are a coward that is falling for conditioning, that you need the social validation of it, that you are afraid that you will be alone when you are old, that you need to follow what you are told to do and man-up and meet your responsibilities, that you are afraid to stick your nose out there and continue to struggle to get what you want from women and from the world and you want a bitch to tell you what to do, that you are such a fucking wimp that you need a woman so you can lay your head on her chest and seek your mother like you were a little baby infant (Coco Chanel’s word about men, not mine).
I suppose it’s a bit ironic that someone who wrote a comment like that is getting married again, but there are a few things we have to keep in mind. First, the people who tend to rail the most against contemporary marriage are those who made a large emotional investment in marriage, and then lost big time. Those who’ve never been through something like that, such as men who never cared much about their marriage in the first place, don’t get bent out of shape over it. And those who invested a lot in their marriage are the type of people who are inclined to pair-bond by their nature, which makes them more likely to marry again in the future. So it doesn’t surprise me to see people who denounce marriage in strong terms going back and marrying again.
However, it does make for some embarrassing contradictions, which is why I generally try to focus on marriage reform rather than make futile efforts to stop men and women from shacking up as couples. Most people, no matter what we do, are going to instinctively move toward arrangements that strongly resemble marriage, whether we call it that or not. The real problem, as I see it, is state interference with these natural couplings. Marriage will never be perfect no matter how it’s officially handled, but it doesn’t have to be a convenient weapon in the hands of moral degenerates as it can be today.
That said, I’d like to give my take on MGTOW, which I hold in high regard despite the fact that I don’t practice it myself.
Several years ago, Zed explained MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) to me. According to Zed, it wasn’t merely a response to the difficulties of dealing with contemporary Western women, but men as well. He told me that every time men got together to collaborate on some men’s project, a circular firing squad would soon form and then the whole thing would go to hell. Other problems included men instantaneously dropping MRA activism when they met a woman. His solution, developed together with Rob Fedders (if I recall correctly) and some others, was to simply “go your own way.” It sounds simple, but it does require a conceptual change: a rejection of social norms and expectations, some degree of deprivation and a radical self-reliance. This is even harder than it sounds, especially if you don’t have any experience with it.
Because it’s so difficult, men who can follow that path are worthy of admiration. Dick Proenneke, the man whose videos from the Alaskan wilderness (where he lived alone for some 30 years) are often featured during PBS fund drives, is a pretty impressive example of a man going his own way. So are a number of famous mystics and hermits, such as the Desert Fathers of the early Christian Church, Buddhist ascetics, Sufi holy men and others of various schools and sects. Of course, these are extreme examples, but the point is that there’s something monastic about going your own way. It’s definitely compelling – as a young man I was intrigued by the idea – but I don’t think most people are up to it. I certainly wasn’t. I blew the one opportunity I had to live a monastic lifestyle when I turned down some Buddhist monks who offered me a job teaching English in a monastery some 10,000 feet up in the Kunlun mountains, which surely would have resulted in a great deal of isolation. Why did I turn them down? Well, there was a girl back in Peking, you see… And there’s where I, like most other men, failed at MGTOW.
And I know that if I tried it today I’d fail again. I’m just not cut out for it. After my divorce, I went my own way for about exactly as long as it took for me to emotionally recover from the event — about three years.
However, for those who can handle it, I think it’s an important calling. Our society would be better off with more men who have a personal, unfiltered relationship with creation. There’s something reassuring about the idea that a man can find meaning away from to the ceaseless buzzing of the hive mind. It reminds us that humans do not have the only word — nature itself can lead us to enlightenment and understanding. It lets us know that men can withstand solitude, and find peace within themselves. Paradoxically, this has a profound social value, and this must be why there has always been so much popular respect – even veneration – for men who choose to go it alone.
MGTOW is an esoteric pursuit. If it were easy and common, there would be no reason to admire men who truly go their own way. This is why it will never be a particularly popular lifestyle choice, and this is why it should be seen as a calling rather than a solution.