Soft Spot for Choice Mommies

by Elusive Wapiti on December 27, 2012

Recently, family Wapiti did some hunting for a new church home subsequent to moving to a different house in a different locale.  In the process, I noted something that all of the larger churches had: a divorce support group.

How the Church handles divorce is always a thorny issue, one that often earns her some jeers from the manosphere.  On the one hand, there is the pastoral responsibility to look after the flock, to close ranks around those in need. On the other there is the pastoral responsibility to discipline the flock, rebuking wayward brothers and sisters toward repentance.

While I tend to think that pastors err too much toward caring and not enough toward discipline, I recognize that the Church and her leaders are presented with a no-win scenario: What should be done about those members of the Body who divorce, or those divorcees who present themselves at the church door?  Care for them? Or discipline them? Adding to the problem is victimhood. Usually, divorcees will blame their former spouse for their quandary: women because he was such an abusive or bad guy that they had to get out, men because the solipsistic and hysterical woman took their children, sold them for a few ducats and prizes, and kept half or more of his hard-earned stuff. How are church leaders to know the difference, when most/all claim that “she kidnapped my kids and took me to the cleaners” or “he was so bad I had no choice”?

So I can appreciate the difficult position the Church and her leaders are in. That said, what I find reprehensible is when Church leaders exculpate one population from their sins, and by extension, placing responsibility for the state of this population on another group. In this case, I’m talking about choice mommies–the “population”–and men, the always-useful other.  Single mothers are near-canonized in churches, those saintly women, struggling so hard to make ends meet. Little thought is given to how they got into that position, and whether or not their present condition was due to her choice (most likely) or his (far less likely but still possible).

Thus I cringe when I see things like this from Pastor Driscoll of Mars Hill. I suppose one can add his moral support to the sum total of cultural and financial incentive for women to divorce, and to the near-complete liberalist campaign of removing the stigma from choice mommyhood:

It’s important for kids without a dad to have godly, male investment in their life. Young boys without a dad need the godly investment of a man. Young girls without a dad need a godly man’s loving encouragement. And the single moms really appreciate godly men investing in their kids.

[The church nursery is] a good place to meet a nice gal. Single guys may not know this, but nice, single gals who love Jesus and want to marry and become a mom someday are working in the nursery. That’s like fishing in a trout pond if you’re a single guy. And the single moms dropping off their kids should be considered for marriage too. After all, Jesus’ mother was a single mom until Joseph married her and adopted Jesus. [bolded emphasis mine]

As mentioned before, there are many reasons for children to be without a dad, and not many of them are good. This white-knighting on behalf of single mothers may be helping a truly innocent woman make her way through a bad situation. Or more likely it is enabling the terrible choices of a choice mommy who has and is harming her children through her self-destructive and child-harming behavior.  Furthermore, how do/would my male readers feel, if your children are the ones a choice mommy is presenting to the nursery for some Godly man investment, as opposed to your paternal guidance?

Then there is the bit about trolling for a wife in the single mom pond. This is just not very wise, and I recommend my brothers avoid looking to this population for long-term mates. Sorry choice mommies, I’m not judging you, but I am judging the evidence, and coming to appropriate conclusions based upon that evidence.


Last, there is the whole bit about Mary being a single mom. I doubt Pastor Driscoll is intending to indulge in blasphemy here, more likely he is clumsily attempting to illustrate that we may not know exactly how a single mother found herself in her position. Even then it is an imperfect analogy, for Mary wasn’t single, she was betrothed, which back then was a state akin to marriage. Joseph took betrothal-marriage so seriously that he meant to divorce her quietly–therefore turning Mary into a single mom for being an apparent adulteress–and would have were it not for divine intervention.

Rather than soft-pedal and condone the socially retrograde behavior of choice momies, perhaps church leaders would do better to sadly note their condition while strenuously condemning from the pulpit divorce as the evil that God hates, an evil that Moses only granted to the Israelites because their hearts were hard.  I still think Dalrock’s sign at the church door would serve as a good reminder to all that while accidents happen, divorce is not accidental.


About the author: EW is a well-trained monkey operating heavier-than-air machinery. His interests outside of being an opinionated rabble-rouser are hunting, working out, motorcycling, spending time with his family, and flying. He is a father to three, a husband to one, and is a sometime contributor here at Spearhead. More of his intolerable drivel is available at the blog The Elusive Wapiti.

{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }

TMG December 27, 2012 at 14:51

I have a lot of respect for many individual Christians, and in Christianity as taught by a strict Biblical interpretation.

But I am repulsed at what Christianity, as practiced, is transforming into.

I don’t think I’m out of line saying it’s become infested with demons and false teachers, and is happily contributing to society’s decline.

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Piroko December 27, 2012 at 15:00

“Single guys may not know this, but nice, single gals who love Jesus and want to marry and become a mom someday are working in the nursery.”

I’m aware of it, but I’m an atheist.

Most godly types get rather irate when a non-believer shows up looking to play the field.

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TMG December 27, 2012 at 15:20

Piroko-

I’ve been encouraged by Christian friends to come to church specifically because they saw me as a good catch for their unattached female flock. Even after I told them I don’t practice Christianity anymore.

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geographybeefinalisthimself December 27, 2012 at 15:21

If a man is raising another man’s kids, the former man raising the latter’s kids is a loser. It should be a dealbreaker if the woman threw the biological father out of her life, via divorce or illegitimacy.

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Dave December 27, 2012 at 15:28

Just abandon the churches. All they teach are lies anyway, they aren’t helping anyone. Humans can be moral without organized religion.

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Anonymous age 70 December 27, 2012 at 15:34

If you know a single mom who was impregnated by God or His angels, marry her. Otherwise, do not. Comparing a single mom to the Virgin Mary is totally disgusting.

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Hf December 27, 2012 at 16:21

Right. As if it isn’t bad enough that many women can make whatever mistake they want knowing they have the full support of daddy govt behind them, and now this guy wants men to go after women whom think they have the full support of God behind them?? Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll pass on that

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crella December 27, 2012 at 16:36

Jesus’ mother was a single mom until Joseph married her and adopted Jesus.

Comparing a single mom to the Virgin Mary is totally disgusting.

Yes, this came ’round my Facebook page this week…’Mary was a single mother until Joseph adopted Jesus’ with a sparkly graphic. If only all single mothers were as wise in their choice of baby daddies. Yes, even though they don’t want to admit it, there IS a difference between the Virgin Mary and single mothers with babies fathered by crackhead dads, as much as it pains me to point it out….the other thing that went around was a blurb about how women would have been better Wise Men:

Know what would happen if it was three wise women instead of three wise men?
They would’ve asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby,
cleaned the stable, made a casserole, brought practical gifts and
there would be peace on earth.

Sigh. Don’t read the Bible do they, nor did they learn as they watched all those Christmas specials on TV…the Wise men set out when the star appeared at the time of the birth, so no, there was no way to be there to ‘help deliver the baby’, and then again we have more grrrl brain power declaring gold, frankincense and myrrh impractical gifts just because they probably never heard of them, not caring to know that they were to prepare Christ’s body after death, they were a symbol of his fate as the Sacrifice. The silly pettiness of it makes my head spin sometimes. And these postings are just crowing about how much better women are, but unfortunately the dumb is obvious for everyone to see.

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jay December 27, 2012 at 16:38

1 Corinthians 5

It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that even pagans do not tolerate: A man is sleeping with his father’s wife. 2 And you are proud! Shouldn’t you rather have gone into mourning and have put out of your fellowship the man who has been doing this? 3 For my part, even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. As one who is present with you in this way, I have already passed judgment in the name of our Lord Jesus on the one who has been doing this. 4 So when you are assembled and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present, 5 hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh,[a][b] so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.

6 Your boasting is not good. Don’t you know that a little yeast leavens the whole batch of dough? 7 Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. 8 Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old bread leavened with malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.

9 I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. 11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister[c] but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.

12 What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13 God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”[d]

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BC December 27, 2012 at 16:38

Mark Driscoll is one of the White Knighting Kings. The way he rips men is what drives many men away from the church. Totally committed to Team Woman.

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crella December 27, 2012 at 16:40

Couldn’t get the tags right, sorry. Did them twice, couldn’t edit a second time.

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oddsock December 27, 2012 at 16:44

Alan Watt. Jesus, His Religion.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s42V8BGBvTk

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Norm December 27, 2012 at 16:50

Anonymous age 70 December 27, 2012 at 15:34
If you know a single mom who was impregnated by God or His angels, marry her. Otherwise, do not. Comparing a single mom to the Virgin Mary is totally disgusting.

Why wouldn’t Jesus ever have been born in Washington, D.C,?
They couldn’t find a virgin and three wise men.

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zed December 27, 2012 at 17:34

Fixed it for you, crella.

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Georice81 December 27, 2012 at 17:40

The Three Wise Men arrived when God wanted them to arrive. Had it been women they would’ve gotten lost and never made it, given up.because it was too long of a trip, or been raped or killed before getting there.

There were several crusades launched by the Pope to free the Holy Land. Some were quite succesful and even today one can find forts and strong traces of the Crusaders legacy in the middle east. One “Crusade” did involve only women. Several thousand of young virgins were sent to wrest the Holy Land. None made it. Most died along the way, gave up or were enslaved.

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crella December 27, 2012 at 18:40

Thank you, Zed. What did I do wrong? I used the [ ] ones the first time, that didn’t work so I went to normal parenthesis, even though I didn’t think it was right.

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Justinian December 27, 2012 at 18:45

Christianity has morphed into a kind of anti-religion.

From a secular naturalistic viewpoint, the purpose of religion across history has been to give beta males a reason to participate in society by allowing them the chance to have offspring of their own.

Instead, Christianity has now embraced the feral sexual nature of women which only benefits alphas.

Why then have a church at all?

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Ryan December 27, 2012 at 21:59

Have fun making articles on Mark Driscoll’s drivel. You could create an entire website on his white knighting alone.

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Morrisfactor December 28, 2012 at 01:16

My oldest daughter went to Driscoll’s church for a couple of years after being enticed by her girlfriends. She used to bring home some of his sermons on tape which we listened to while we worked during the day.

I recall listening to one tape where Mark was agitating for the young men of his flock to date and marry the single moms of the church and telling them how receptive the women would be to a good Christian man and what a good thing it would be for the men to step up and take over another man’s child. It was about a twenty minute lecture as I recall and had me pretty worked up at what BAD ADVICE it was for young men. Driscoll is a total White Knight.

My daughter didn’t bring any more of Driscoll’s tapes to work after that. And I’m pleased that she stopped going there a couple of years ago. Single men should stay well clear of Mars Hill Church.

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Ubermind December 28, 2012 at 03:07

“After all, Jesus’ mother was a single mom until Joseph married her and adopted Jesus.”

Exactly! Christianity is a cuckold religion to the core. This ain’t no religion for a man to follow.

Most of you cling to Christianity even trough it has abandoned you men, simply because you don’t know where else to search for God. Well those who seek shall find, believe me God is waster then any Church. For those of you raised religiously this might be a tough part of red pill to swollow but it is necessary.

Don’t fall into mistake thinking that Christianity was patriarchal once, but is no more. Most ancient religions from which Christianity arose were patriarchal, but Christianity has worked hard to undermine it for 2000 years and the cuckold dogma was there from the inception. Feminism is a natural product of Christianity, now its time has come and it has made its parent obsolete.

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Coastal December 28, 2012 at 04:36

Ho hum. So the official Churchy position is that it’s wrong to hire a professional mistress of the bedchamber but it’s a good thing if men associate with Tattoo Le Thug’s Baby Momma who’s gone through whole biker gangs and football teams?

What’s with that exactly? The professional is engaging in an actual, well, profession. The Heroic Single Mom is engaging is immorality for the sake of it. What’s her excuse?

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zed December 28, 2012 at 04:41

crella,

HTML tags are different from forum tags (they have to be or the forum software would get confused.)

They start with the “less than” character “< " - and end with "greater than" character ">”

The tag itself is “blockquote”

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crella December 28, 2012 at 05:13

Ah! That’s right! Thanks, Zed.

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oddsock December 28, 2012 at 05:24

Talking divorce.

An Italian court has ordered Silvio Berlusconi to pay his SECOND wife three million euros ($3.95 million) a month alimony.

Maybe its just me ? Take a look at the photo of her and this is prior to the alimony settlement. Have you ever seen such a cold heartless pair of eyes and facial expression ?

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/berlusconi-must-pay-wife-3-mn-euros-month-123028220.html

3 feckin million a MONTH !

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greyghost December 28, 2012 at 05:44

The “christian church” is now the churchian church. I have found over the years easier to relate the mra’s here discussing the nature of men and women in the present world to the bible than anything coming from churchians.

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JHJ December 28, 2012 at 06:34

Christianity is dead. Not, perhaps, in the heart of some very few Christians, but certainly as practiced and preached by every single organized branch and congregation of the former faith, and as practiced by the vast, overwhelming majority of self-described believers.

I would say something snide about quoting a know hysterical screecher like Driscoll, but frankly the only difference between him and the rest of the feminism peddlers in cloth is that he is more effective in stating his case unambiguously.

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TLM December 28, 2012 at 06:41

About a decade ago, I was sitting in church listening to my pastor explain how the widows & orphans of the New Testament are today’s single mothers and we should blah, blah, blah to take care of them. As a new Christian at that time, I wasn’t well versed in the Word, but knew on the inside this was BS (Grew up watching mom divorce twice). We left that place soon after as this kowtowing to chicks was one of many signs that that church was just more concerned with numbers & growth versus truth. This day that church is now one the largest in my city, a packed house every weekend, and its services are a cornucopia of worldly wisdom, high-end gawdy productions, and worldly culture. Praise God we got out of there.

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Osmod December 28, 2012 at 08:48

Modern religion has made it very clear. Sin can only originate from a penis.

To look on a woman with lust is the same as adultery, Matt 5:28.

But PLEASE think of the bastards… I mean children.

And they wonder why there’s a shortage of men.

Women have options, men have responsibilities, even under all-forgiving cross.

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keyster December 28, 2012 at 09:00

Instead, Christianity has now embraced the feral sexual nature of women which only benefits alphas.

At one time church determined the culture, now it merely follows it – – clinging to the vestiges of Biblical teachings, while adapting to the market of post-modern moral relativity. If the church wants to remain relevant, the Bible will be interpreted to suit the times (culture). Parable that’s been re-translated hundreds of times over two millenia is maleable that way.

If there is a market for impressionable Choice Mom’s looking for male support via the church, the church will abide. Remember, it’s a business. Moms bring their children into the flock, Dads not so much. The church, the family and the community once tamed a man’s wandering spirit. Since this is now the exception, government will gladly step in to extract it’s pound of flesh and build more prisons for those who won’t comply.

Marijuana is legal, XBox is free, time is not of the essence.
Apathy towards a culture that resents him is the best revenge.
“Turn on, tune in, drop out”

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Anonymous Reader December 28, 2012 at 09:07

Driscoll is in a business. He caters to his largest group of customers, teh wimmenz.

The preachers who cater to babymommas are displaying short time thinking, and an inability to discern.

+1 to Anonymous age 70.

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Justinian December 28, 2012 at 10:22

If the church wants to remain relevant, the Bible will be interpreted to suit the times (culture). Parable that’s been re-translated hundreds of times over two millenia is maleable that way.

If there is a market for impressionable Choice Mom’s looking for male support via the church, the church will abide. Remember, it’s a business.

A very short-sighted business.

Some of the personality-driven mega churches might be appealing to the liberated career girl in order to get a piece of her earning power in donations.

However most of the rest are living off the legacy of the past and these single mothers are little more than leeches.

What you have in many cases are churches filled with old people (mostly old women) from the silent and baby-boom generations who keep the collection plate filled.

As these people die off, the churches are coming under increased financial strain as they are unable to pay the bills. This has been accelerating over the last 10 years all over the western world and thousands of churches have been closed.

Detroit Catholic Churches Closing, Archbishop Allen Vigneron Explains Restructuring

Cleveland Catholic Diocese church closings, a look back

Church and School Cuts Anger Catholics in Philadelphia

True, there does seem to be some more conservative parishes that are growing (they are still miniscule compared to overall population).

However, what they are loathe to admit is that these conservative churches have families that are in the upper-middle class income level and thus limits its broad appeal. The lower classes and lower-middle class have been abandoning religion.

The future of the Christian family is heading towards a similar status as the Jews. Christianity will be a tiny minority religion with families headed by High IQ professional males who have the income necessary to keep a family together. Its broad appeal across all classes has come to an end.

I have a hypothesis of why Jews are so intelligent and capable on average compared to their surrounding community.

Jews were a tiny persecuted minority for 1000s. Female Hypergamy created a tremendous selection pressure on the Jewish community. The dumber males were not productive/talented enough to keep their women in the face of a hostile culture and thus their genes were weeded out of the pool.

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keyster December 28, 2012 at 12:46

Jews were a tiny persecuted minority for 1000s. Female Hypergamy created a tremendous selection pressure on the Jewish community.

The majority of Jews are secular-progressive/feminist, even in Israel. The Orthodox Jews, that pro-create in number, are a distinct minority. Israeli Jews will be over-run by Muslims within a few generations. Jews the world-over will all but vanquish. Their women refuse to be controlled by succumbing to wifery and motherhood. If there is family at all it’s one child only.

The financial and marketing might of the mega-church is killing Christianity, like Wal-Mart killed the local Mom and Pop business.

As long as Muslims retain principled theocratic control of their females (exceed death rate in births), eventually they will be the dominant religion worldwide – where any religion exists at all.

He who maintains control over his females, birthing more than 2.3 children per woman, will control the world. Those eschewing matrimony and multiple children, preferring abortion in a pinch, are sowing the seeds of their race’s eventual extinction.

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TMG December 28, 2012 at 13:17

keyster-

If I had a desire to raise a family, I would find a way to abandon my atheism and convert to Islam. But admittedly, it remains to be seen if they will maintain control of their women in the future.

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jay December 28, 2012 at 16:08

@Osmod

Dude this statement about adultery was issued at the time when only men can divorce their wives and wives cannot divorce husband. It certainly is appropriate for the context.

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jay December 28, 2012 at 16:11

@keyster

Feminism is even infecting islam:

http://www.antifeministtech.info/2012/03/conservative-muslims-want-you-to-marry-single-mothers/

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DW3 December 28, 2012 at 22:09

I’m a big fan of the Virgin Mary, in several forms, and I’ve been to some beautiful cathedrals, churches, chapels and basilicas around the world celebrating the amazing good she’s done her millions of followers over the millennia, so this comparison of Driscoll’s is at least doubly offensive to me.

If you’re a leader of any type in a church, cheer for women all you want, but please don’t blaspheme while you’re at it, if that’s not too much to ask.

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crypter27 December 28, 2012 at 22:59

Look up 501c3 & you’ll see how most churches today are state controlled,also look up the clergy response teams so its not the fact are churches have gone soft. They’ve been neutralized!

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TheBiboSez December 29, 2012 at 07:00

My Dearest Beloveds,

The most illustrative biblical story about adoption is the story of Moses being adopted by Egyptian royalty. Moses was a disaster for them.

Moses’s first act as an adult was to murder an Egyptian man. After bringing a number of plagues, Moses destroyed the entire Egyptian army.

According to what the Bibo Sez, adoption is rewarded with death and disasters.

And that is what the Bibo Sez.

Bless you!

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keyster December 29, 2012 at 08:33

The Christian church adopted feminization during the Reformation in the 16 century. Martin Luther, John Calvin, et al were pretty much manginas.

Jews have been kevetching over “social justice” since the Exodus, hence their women embracing feminism.

Muslims are holding the line for now. The Arab Spring is ushering in a resurgence of Sharia Law and traditional/conservative principles. Muslims hate us in part, because of the way we let our women cavort about, tempting us with their bodies and such.

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oddsock December 29, 2012 at 12:04

@ DW3

“Blaspheme” ?

Just for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Erthun0Pauc&hl=en-GB&gl=GB

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osmod December 29, 2012 at 14:01

@Jay.
To be fair (as an Agnostic who was raised Evangelical), I didn’t mean or intend to start a theological debate. My point is male lust still = sin, while female “choice” = “the will of god” in these modern times.

Feminists rant about the church (granted the Catholics take the brunt of it), but the truth is religion is nothing but a prison for a single man. And for a married man or parent, he is always considered a “husband” or “father” first, without regard to the fact he’s still a human being and a child/creation/pick the term of god.

I can’t help but feel that any man who enters a church is a fool.

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true life January 1, 2013 at 14:27

i love islam and torah judaism. if we had a sephardic synagogue nearby-i would by now be studying with an ortho-rabbi. sometimes i can hardly get to sleep after studying torah and quranic tafsir.

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Tam the Bam January 1, 2013 at 17:49

keyster : “The Christian church adopted feminization during the Reformation in the 16 century. Martin Luther, John Calvin, et al were pretty much manginas.”
What even that old sourpuss John Knox? That former galley-slave and associate and protege of Calvin’s is noted for three things.
Toting a massive “Braveheart”-style two-hander as “security” for Geordie Wishart (before he got burnt).
Publishing a notoriously seditious work “The first blast of the trumpet against the monstrous regiment of women”
and hectoring and browbeating his monarch Mary QoS so much, she even tried turning on the waterworks to deter his stentorian ire, to no avail.
If he was a mangina, then you have somewhat exacting standards of masculinity, mister!

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Dejay January 4, 2013 at 13:10

If anyone dares to ask why so many men feign headaches, the stomach flu, the ebola virus, torn ACLs, and 106-degree fevers every Sunday morning as their wives are happily dressing herself and the kids up for early morning church service, this is Exhibit A. When you see one pastor after another give fire-and-brimstone sermons castigating one gender of folks for all the ills of society while the other gender skates, it becomes mighty difficult to put on a suit and get seconds. When even the President can get up on a pulpit and call us all out for being deadbeats on Father’s Day, all while being given a standing ovation by the women and manginas in the house as if he had just discovered the cure to heart disease, well, you don’t have to be Perry Mason or Matlock to detect an unwelcome vibe for men going on in America’s churches nowadays.

If I had a dollar for every sermon I’ve heard where the hordes of single moms and soon-to-be mothers were treated as innocent victims who didn’t know that an ejaculating penis inside their vaginas can cause a pregnancy while the guys they freely spread their legs for were castigated and all but called a spawn of Satan himself, I’d be sending Sallie Mae past due invoices right now. The ones doing this knows what side their bread is buttered because who are normally the ones stuffing those collection plates every week? That’s right, women and the elderly. If that pastor wants to keep the ‘building fund’ going, he knows to cater his messages to entice the flock into showing up next week. Of course, that’s not supposed to be his ‘calling’.

Going to a Sunday service nowadays is almost like showing up for a pep rally with Oprah, Gloria Steinem, and Wendy Williams as the keynote speakers.

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