Learning to Let Her Go

by W.F. Price on December 3, 2012

One of the most disruptive effects of the sexual revolution has been the annihilation of the old order concerning relationships, marriage in particular. A necessary part of the drive for sexual liberation was the destruction of the social bonds that tie men and women together. Without destroying these bonds, sexual anarchy could not be achieved, and sexual anarchy was exactly the goal.

Although anarchy has negative connotations for many people, it is a utopian ideal. Anarchy is the political expression of the desire to do whatever one pleases. This is an impossibility in the rational, physical world, but it remains paramount in the realm of human desire. Rather than disparage anarchists, it might do us good to recognize that to some extent we are all subject to the same fantasies. Who wouldn’t like to have unlimited choice and ability? It’s entirely natural to dream about this kind of power, and these dreams animate our efforts, driving human achievement ever farther.

Men express their desire in one way, and women another. We men tend to value achievements such as the moon shot, the harnessing of nuclear power, and flight. These are glorious things that transcend generations. Men exult in the freedom from our base, earthbound origin. When my son first lifted off the ground in a jet, his face lit up like the sun above the clouds — he grinned ear to ear and laughed that pleasant sort of laugh of unadulterated delight.

Women have different priorities, and we men would do well to take them into consideration. Where a man may be motivated by a desire to be free from physical constraints such as gravity, women desire to be free from social constraints, which limit women as much as our physical constraints limit us men. Women despise judgment, criticism and the strictures of relationships as much as we men despise our physical limitations. Just as men worship those among us who can defy the limits of human ability, women look up to those who can test the limits of social convention.

To women, Madonna is a hero on par with Neil Armstrong. Elizabeth Taylor ranks up there with Michael Jordan. These are women who gave the finger to convention and still won. They are true heroes from a feminine perspective. The men may have defied gravity, but the women defied society.

So what I’d suggest to men today is that we give women what they want. Relinquish any ideas of authority over them, and let them test the limits like Chuck Yeager. Sure, it’s frustrating for men, who instinctively want to protect women, but given current reality we have no other choice. Women have great expectations. They want to be married and they want to be courted. Sometimes they want the simple life; sometimes they want opulence. On some days they want to wear a white dress, on others the red one. We can’t really know them individually unless we allow them to have their freedom along those lines. They have to be given the opportunity to make their choice.

The PUAs have picked up on this and accepted it. These are men who have given up on trying to herd women. They accept them for what they are, and take them or leave them according to their preference. They don’t fight women’s nature, but rather present them with a choice — an “opening” in their lingo. To women, choices are options, and options are opportunities. The most successful PUAs of all are those who can give women the impression that they are providing them with yet more opportunity. A woman will always hate a man she sees as limiting her opportunities, so what good can come of being that man?

It may be distressing to traditionally minded men, but if you want a traditional woman giving women choice affords you a unique opportunity to separate the wheat from the chaff. If she truly wants that lifestyle, you’ll know by her behavior, because she has every opportunity to reject it. If she does reject it, take it for what it is. Don’t fight it, and be happy that today you are entirely blameless, because you let her choose.

I’d like to encourage men to let go of their guilt. If a woman isn’t happy, don’t find the fault in yourself — let her make her choice and find her happiness herself. You have precious little influence. You are not responsible for her happiness — she is free to go seek it out in the city, on the street corner, in the tavern, or wherever she pleases, and you have no agency there.

For men, this is a difficult step to take, but it is profoundly liberating. Now we can choose women according to choices they’ve made according to their own free will. Feminists may deny that women have agency, but we only need grant them that agency and unfettered freedom to defuse such charges. Let them walk the streets alone, wear what they please, and accept the consequences. It is their choice — their responsibility. We can only free women by rejecting our obligations to them. They can only be happy so long as we let them deal with the consequences of their own actions, just as we’d expect them to allow us to climb mountains, fly hang gliders, ride motorcycles or whatever our dreams may be without nagging and interference.

If you are a man in a relationship with a woman who says she isn’t happy, let her go. Turn her loose on the world. Open the cage and let her fly away if she so chooses; you can only decide whether or not to shut the window behind her. If you don’t let her go, you’ll never really know what kind of woman she is, and you’ll bear some responsibility if things go wrong. If you give her every open opportunity, it doesn’t mean you have to change your own standards, but rather that you can fulfill them, for what man wants to be with a sullen woman who will resort to betrayal and lies to defy his will? What a terrible embarrassment… There’s no honor in failing at keeping your woman, but if you don’t keep her in the first place there’s no disgrace in whatever she chooses to do.

So let her go. Don’t fight her instincts. Don’t even try to accommodate them. Just be yourself, and if she isn’t happy, don’t let it be your problem.

Let her go. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself.

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