The Great Pussy Purge of 2012

by W.F. Price on November 13, 2012

This has been a season of shakeups in the US armed forces, including an unprecedented number of generals getting canned for fooling around with women. Just a couple months ago, General Jeffrey Sinclair was arrested for “inappropriate relationships” with subordinates, and alleged “sodomy” as well (probably oral sex). Then Petraeus gets sacked, and now yet another general, John Allen, is implicated in “potentially inappropriate” communication with a woman. In particular, the woman who blew the whistle on the Petraeus affair.

The allegations against Allen are said to involve emails between him and Kelley written from 2010 to 2012. Asked if they were of a “sexual nature,” a senior defense official would only say the messages were, “potentially inappropriate and they bare looking into. The Department is currently reviewing between 20,000 and 30,000 (pages of) documents connected to this matter.”

CBS News senior correspondent John Miller, a former deputy director of national intelligence, says the investigation into Allen “is fallout” from the FBI’s digging around in the inboxes of Petraeus and Broadwell.

He says the Pentagon realizes that if there is any indication of impropriety, they need it to come out now, not during Allen’s confirmation hearing to become the next NATO commander – a nomination which has now been put on hold.

Given that even members of the top brass cannot behave themselves, I wonder whether Obama is rethinking his decision to put women on nuclear submarines. The last place we need a torrid affair is hundreds of feet under polar ice in a multi-billion dollar, reactor-powered vessel loaded with nuclear ballistic missiles. If anyone doubts that a woman would think it would be hot to get it on with a high-ranking officer on the hard edge of American imperial power, they don’t understand women very well. In fact, that would make a great setting for a steamy romance novel:

The silence was deafening. Jessica stood, frozen, on the dark missile deck, surrounded by pillars of awesome power, capable of wiping out entire civilizations. She could hear, ever so slightly, footsteps and the soft rustling of blue cloth heading purposefully closer. Panic rose within her heaving breast as a muscular, square-shouldered figure filled the narrow walkway, blocking what light remained, coming nearer, and nearer still. A strong hand grasped her shoulder, and another her waist. The panic instantly gave way to a flood of desire; a desire so strong it burst over the levee of regulations and codes of conduct…

But that’s merely one setting among countless others. We could have love in the mess hall, clandestine couplings in the barracks, sex in the forward operating base, and lust in a Stryker vehicle. Or, even better, an affair with an Afghan chieftain. And hasn’t Prince Harry been in Afghanistan? What red-blooded American soldier girl wouldn’t want a piece of that action?

The way things are going, we’re going to need a gay military…

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