The Mess That Cheaters Create

by Elusive Wapiti on August 20, 2012

Following up on August 17th’s “Jerry Springer On Wheels” post, in which a mobile “who’s your daddy” RV is trolling the inner city hawking insta-paternity tests, a better case for mandatory 100% paternity testing at birth, I don’t think I could make up on my own:

Q: My [now dead from terminal illness] husband’s parents wish to keep in touch with me and my toddler-age son, as he is the only link they have to their only child. The problem is that my son is not my husband’s biological child. I had an affair, the biological father dumped me upon realizing I was pregnant, and my husband (to cut the complicated story short) decided to raise the baby as his own.  But I feel incredibly guilty whenever my in-laws talk to me about how grateful they are to have a grandchild to remember their son, or make comparisons between my son and my husband when he was at a similar age. I feel like I need to come clean with them before they develop a strong attachment to him. They are already talking about changing their will to include their “grandson.” What should I do?

A: Your late husband was your baby’s father. In untangling your tale, my reading is that that you were married to your late husband, you cheated and became pregnant, your husband knew, but he stepped up and claimed paternity. He also was your boy’s father in every other sense. Yes, you will have quite a story to tell your son when he’s older, and I believe he is entitled to hear it. (When you do bring this up, you can put the best face on the fact that your husband, his father, loved him and wanted to raise him, and not cast his origin story as that his biological father was a slime. ) But I don’t think your late husband’s parents need to hear this.

Keeping up a connection to your son’s paternal family surely will only benefit him—he’s not going to get anything from his actual biological father. And I don’t see any reason to deprive your child of a potential inheritance. There has already been enough loss in your little boy’s life. There’s no call to cause an estrangement with loving grandparents; it’s not deceptive that their son was your son’s father.

Boy what a mess: Woman cheats. Tells hubby. Soon-to-be-dead hubby “mans up” and accepts child as his own.  Her lies now become the couple’s lies.  The child’s not-really-grandparents grandparents think he’s theirs, and are thinking of placing this not-a-grandchild grandchild in their will.

In a decade or so, the truth will out, and the house built on this mendacious foundation will collapse, wounding everyone.

This woman made a mess of things.  But consider all the hamster-enabling going on with this “advice”:  The adulteress isn’t a “slime”; no, that title is reserved solely for the man with whom she cheated on her husband. He’s the dirtbag, not her, the woman who wanted to get knocked up by a man other than her husband. Soon-to-be-dead beta hubby is lauded for “stepping up” to parent some thug/bad-boy’s spawn,* setting up some sort of perverse expectation that female adultery and cuckolding will not only be tolerated but rewarded.  In addition, the adulteress’ perfidy is actually for a noble cause…after all, it’s for the children!…without it, he won’t get his inheritance from the not-the-baby-daddy side of the family.  Come to think of it, her lie really isn’t one…if the adulteress represents her child convincingly enough, long enough, as their biological grandchild, well said not-grandparents probably “see” some phantasmic genetic commonality in his face or dimples or whatever.  Just so, as they say, and poof!  Lie becomes truth.  And a convenient side effect of all these high hamster-wheel RPMs is that the adulteress’ shameful thug-boy dalliance is washed down the memory hole, to be dug up a decade or so later when the fact she binned her wedding vows is “old news”.

The violence done to the biological father’s place and role in the family in this column is breathtaking.  The trust that the children born in the marriage are really the husband’s is the critical element that drives men to marry in this day of marriage 2.0.  And cuckolding apologia such as this advice column suggest to all those who read it that wifely fidelity doesn’t matter and deceiving the husband is condoned…and that a fellow’s job is merely to man up and invest in whatever child is born in the marriage, no matter who sired it.

Other than automatic mother custody in divorce, I can think of no substance more corrosive to the fragile connection that children already have with their dads than the duping of husbands by their adulterous wives.

* What a position she placed him in. He sees the end approaching, and the woman he thought was faithful to him presents him with the child of some man whom she found more sexually desirable than he. Talk about a Catch-22–he could be cruel to the child and kick them both out of his house, or he could further undermine  other beta providers everywhere–the backbone of society–by accepting another man’s child as his own.

About the author: EW is a well-trained monkey operating heavier-than-air machinery. His interests outside of being an opinionated rabble-rouser are hunting, working out, motorcycling, spending time with his family, and flying. He is a father to three, a husband to one, and is a sometime contributor here at Spearhead. More of his intolerable drivel is available at the blog The Elusive Wapiti.

{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }

Dude August 20, 2012 at 04:04

Wow. What d-bag Emily Yoffee is . . . women like here are why men don’t get married. I wonder if she’s cheating on her husband.

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freebird August 20, 2012 at 04:07

That’s why Old Testament deterrents work.

State dept spent $151 million dollars “teaching” Islamic Iman’s about “wymyns
rights” in the Islamic system of teaching.The implication being comply or be bombed via drone.Good job Hillary!

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Rocco August 20, 2012 at 05:22

Great post and right on the money.

I was having a conversation with my 23 year old niece with a professional degree yesterday and she told me the only people her age that she knows that got married the girl got knocked up. Just as you said.

She also volenteered that an older man told her not to marry and she found this strange. She has no plans to marry or have children.

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Anonymous Reader August 20, 2012 at 05:22

Off topic:
Russian Orthodox church forgives Pussy Riot for their rant about Putin.

On topic: Feminism enables cuckolders. And why not? Women get more choices, men get more responsibilities, “married” women get access to the alpha (thug) badboys they have ‘gna tingles for. What’s not to like, from the femininist perspective (hat tip to Zed).

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Andie August 20, 2012 at 05:27

it’s not deceptive that their son was your son’s father.

WHAT? Are you fucking kidding me (Sorry Price, but there are no other words) ?

In what world does passing off the child you whored yourself out to conceive, for the purposes of getting that a child an inheritance pass any kind of moral muster?

This is just gut-wrenchingly sickening. To deceive the grandparents, and the child, too? How on earth do you set up a world you DELIBERATELY intend to destroy and then place your own child at the center of it?

This should be criminal. It should be fraud. She is a lying sack of maggots. Her late husband’s parents deserve to know the truth. About their “grandchild” and about this woman.

I wonder if it occurred to the dying man to just kill her? That would have been my first thought.

It’s not deception. I just can’t…. WTF????????

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Charles Martel August 20, 2012 at 06:56

They are already talking about changing their will to include their “grandson.” What should I do?

For the cheating woman, the question contains its own answer. There’s money in it for her if she keeps her mouth shut. A couple of spins on the hamster wheel will transform her motive from gross selfishness into concern for the grandparents’ feelings. Then it’s all good.

So…..the grandparents should go find the “Who’s Your Daddy” truck before they change that will.

The cynic in me says some of these “agony aunt”-type stories are fiction. Women love this kind of drama and there’s just not enough of the real thing to go around. LOL.

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Ecclesiastes August 20, 2012 at 06:58

It’s not enough for her to cuckold her husband, defrauding him, now she’s going to cuckold his parents too.

And for what? Just how much does a toddler notice of grandparents?

It’s about the money.

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Doc August 20, 2012 at 07:09

When I was younger (high school), before I really understood how things worked, I hooked up with a number of married women, all wanting another kid before they couldn’t have any more. (What can I say? I was horny and they were available and very willing. It never occurred to me they were primarily interested in getting pregnant – not that it would have mattered to me… I mean, talk about being in a candy-shop…)

Now more than a few of those women were in my parent’s social network, so they kept in touch, and I got to watch (possibly my) children grow up – most are in their 30′s now. One woman had two both of which could have been mine – separated from her husband’s kids by 10+ years… (Of course, they could all have been someone else’s…)

So this type of thing amuses me… And makes me tell most of my friends – get a DNA test as soon as a child is born – before you are on that birth certificate… Trust – but verify…

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imnobody August 20, 2012 at 07:14

Of course, having received this advice, this whore has the perfect alibi when the truth is known: “I felt incredibly guilty and I didn’t know what to do. I was so confused… But I send this letter and I was replied that my son had no fault so I did it FOR THE BEST INTEREST OF MY CHILD (TM)”

This awful person does not deserve any commentary because no word is enough for her depravity. But men should not raise a thug’s spawn as their own. This is the real problem.

This case is more dramatic but it is not substantially different than the case of men marrying single mothers and raising other men’s kids (which they are abundant).

This is the basis of the matriarchy: men raising other men’s kids so the biological link between father and child is severed. This way, women can decide which man is going to impregnate her and which man is going to raise the children.

(Patriarchy’s family = man, woman and children of both. Matriarchy’s family = woman and children (there is something a man too, who may be or may not be one of the children’s biological father).

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Charles Martel August 20, 2012 at 07:27

Paternity testing without the mother’s consent is a crime in the UK. The 2006 Human Tissue Act defined the crime of DNA Theft.

In this 2010 article, feminist law professor Elizabeth E. Joh of UC Davis makes the case for recognizing the crime of DNA Theft in the USA. She attempts to obfuscate the reason for this – making DNA testing illegal in paternity and fidelity disputes – by tossing in some bullshit about celebrity DNA theft and nosy neighbors, but the intent is clear. One more turn of the feminist screw.

So how long before some mangina Congressman uses the “Who’s Your Daddy” truck as a reason to introduce DNA Theft legislation here in the USA?

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Elusive Wapiti August 20, 2012 at 07:59

Thanks Charles, didn’t know all that about “DNA theft”. Seems to me that this sort of DNA theft is more deserving of the term, than comparing your child’s DNA to your own.

Charles Martel August 20, 2012 at 08:20

Now more than a few of those women were in my parent’s social network, so they kept in touch, and I got to watch (possibly my) children grow up – most are in their 30′s now.

The willingness to do this is, like everything else, a genetic trait. I’m very different to you. Not only would I not knowingly cuckold another man but I find the thought of a child of mine growing up not knowing me to be completely repugnant. Looking back, there are a handful of situations where this could have occurred. The idea that I may have children that I do not know is very uncomfortable for me.

So, for bonus points, why have my non-cuckolding genes not been eliminated from the human gene pool long ago?

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walking in hell2 August 20, 2012 at 09:11

Nothing destroys morale in a society more than female promiscuity. That is one reason why the early Roman Catholic church allowed for brothels.

The argument was that if you were going to piss in your house, better to piss in a toilet than all over your house. This is where the concept of red light district comes from.

I would like to see someone, perhaps Darryl x or Dalrock, do a study using conditional probability of different favorable (unfavorable) outcomes for men in America.

For example, what is the probability that a random man will get married, stay married, and be happily married.:
1) probability of getting married = .4
2) probability of staying married = .5
3) probability of being happily married = .1

So P(getting married, staying married, being happily married) = .4*.5*.1 = .02 or 2 percent.

Some of the data are from:

Here is another one.
Probability that a man gets married and his wife cheats on him.
Probability of getting married = .4
Probability of a woman cheating on her husband = .4

P(probability of getting married, probability of wife cheating) = .4 * .4 = .16 or 16%

If you are already married, your probability of your wife cheating on you is 40%. If that is too high for you, you can reduce the probability to zero by never getting married. Remember, if she cheats and you have children, it is still about 90 percent certain that if she divorces you, she will get the children. Remember, you caused her to cheat by abusing her and lowering her self esteem.

I did a calculation that if a man gets married and has children, what are the chances that he will almost never see his children again because of divorce. The answer is around 20%–it is a very high and unfavorable outcome and in my opinion, not worth the risk.

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Keyster August 20, 2012 at 09:17

I have friends that had a boy a couple of years ago. He looks NOTHING like the father, (and barely resembles the mother). The father has striking features, black hair, etc. Everyone notices it but no one will say anything. I want to tell him to get a paternity test, but I know he’d take any suggestion that his wife cheated poorly. Sometimes it’s blatantly obvious the child’s father is another man.

As long as women have unfettered reproductive control and men will have sex with them, there will be drama. It’s been the recurring theme in soap operas since they started.

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Highwasp August 20, 2012 at 09:50

The band Pearl Jam wrote the song “I’m Still Alive” about this very thing but from the child’s point of view:

Son, she said, have I got a little story for you
What you thought was your daddy was nothin’ but a **
While you were sittin’ home alone at age thirteen
Your real daddy was dyin’, sorry you didn’t see him
But I’m glad we talked

oh I, I, I’m still alive
yeah I, I, I’m still alive

She walks slowly, across a young man’s room
She said I’m ready for you
I can’t remember anything to this very day
‘Cept the look, the look
You know where, now I can’t see, I just stare

oh I, I, I’m still alive
yeah I, I, I’m still alive

is something wrong?, she said
Of course there is, you’re still alive, she said
Oh and do I deserve to be? Is that the question?
And if so, if so, who answers? Who answers?

** by the way I’m noticing a theme here at the Spearhead. It seems anytime a man is found to be “gina tingle” material, he’s automatically labeled “alpha (thug) badboy”, “thug/bad-boy”, “thug-boy”…

Just saying; we don’t know anything about the man who had sex with the married woman. We don’t know that he knew the woman was married. We don’t know that he wasn’t deceived and lied to about birth control. We don’t know if the “Alpha (thug) bad boy” was simply an ignorant 19 year old young man with pussy being thrown at him left and right – as Doc said – “Like being in a Candy Store”. Maybe he’s not so much “thug” as simply ignorant and gullible. Let’s throw that **”alpha (thug) badboy” under the bus while we pretend to care about men.

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Buddy Guy August 20, 2012 at 10:00

She preferred the sucker with more money to pay for the kid. That the biological father knew about the pregnancy and bolted is her side of the story. She doesn’t consider the sucker she cheated on, who bonded with the kid, to be the real father. She’s a 7 different kinds of cunt. And a typical modern woman.

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Erikvetr August 20, 2012 at 10:17

Stupid husband, smart woman, super smart biological father. That’s the world we live in now folks: the cheaters and liars have it best while honest and hardworking men are the (in the whole scheme) slaves working for the welfare of cheaters and liars.

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The First Joe August 20, 2012 at 10:42

@charles martel – What’s the penalty for this BS “crime” of paternity testing without mother’s consent in the UK? A fine? A few months porridge? How does it stack up against a lifetime raising, paying for and lavishing love on kids that aren’t your own + a partner that decieved you (knowingly or unknowingly)??
Also, if DNA “theft” is illegal in UK then the cops break the law every time they nick someone and forcibly take a sample.

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Georice81 August 20, 2012 at 11:09

An adulterous woman is also a liar! If she is willing to violate one of the 10 commandments, why not violate the others?

I met and dated 2 women that cheated on their husbands. As a Christian I said to myself that the past is the past and they were happy with that attitude. It didn’t take me long to see that both were pathological liars and there was nothing that they said that I could believe in. It may sem quite unloving and unforgiving but the rule of thumb is to NEVER marry a cheater.

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ActaNonVerba August 20, 2012 at 11:18

Pure female entitlement and female cruelty. First off, the woman is most likely lying her idiotic face off about what they former husband knew or didn’t know. Second, the “grandparents” deserve to know what it is they are making their minds up about.

In a just world, that women would be flogged then put in stocks in the public square fora month.

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Prof. Woland August 20, 2012 at 11:27

Mandatory paternity testing is one answer but so would be mandatory Grandparent paternity testing. Estate Attorneys need to start adding a clause to any wills they write up as part of their due diligence that requires heirs to genetically prove they are truly the decedents or legally adopted before one penny is paid out. Also, there is a reason this is called paternity fraud. If a male spouse can be convicted for raping his wife, I don’t see why a wife cannot be convicted of genetically raping her husband by cuckolding him. What is the minimum and maximum sentence for rape?

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Charles Martel August 20, 2012 at 11:57

The First Joe
What’s the penalty for this BS “crime” of paternity testing without mother’s consent in the UK? A fine? A few months porridge? How does it stack up against a lifetime raising, paying for and lavishing love on kids that aren’t your own + a partner that decieved you (knowingly or unknowingly)??

I take your point. That the penalty for doing an illegal paternity test is less than the penalty for not doing it.

If only it were that simple.

The penalty is up to three years in jail. So, what would I expect if you were convicted of DNA theft in the UK as a result of doing an illegal paternity test? A fine, some jail time, and THEN a lifetime of paying child support for the kid that isn’t yours. The results of the paternity test would not be admissible in court as they were obtained illegally, and you’d be looking at the inside of a jail cell while the window of opportunity to contest paternity snaps shut.

Any questions?

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Prof. Woland August 20, 2012 at 12:18

Another point, there is no reason these people cannot have a relationship with this woman’s child while not commiting their resources. Her anxiety it seems, stems not from the possible emotional withdrawl by the supposed grandparents but their possible financial withdrawl. That is too bad.

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Anonymous age 70 August 20, 2012 at 12:24

@Ecclesiastes August 20, 2012 at 06:58

>>And for what? Just how much does a toddler notice of grandparents?

With all respect, young man, kids bond with involved grandparents long before they can walk. I do not need to ask if you have kids; the answer is obvious.

Long before he could walk, I used to carry my grandson around the house and show him “interesting things.” When I came in the house, he would try to leap out of his mother’s arms for me to take him.

When he was 15 months, he called me Mom. I used to tell him, “Grandpa! Grandpa!” He continued to call me Mom. A really strange thing.

One day, I said, “Grandpa! Grandpa!”

He put his hand on his head as if he were scratching his head and thinking, and said, “Mom!” And laughed as if it were the funniest joke ever. And, it was. He obviously made a joke, at 15 months.

His dad said his paternal grandpa also made jokes when he was 15 months old.

A few weeks later, one day he called me Grandpa. I said, “Hey, he called me Grandpa.”

He promptly said, “Mom!” and laughed again.

I am not telling this tale to brag up my grandson. People who tell stories about their grandkids are boring as heck. I am telling you this to show kids bond to family members including grandparents long before they can walk.

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Anonymous August 20, 2012 at 13:36

With all respect, young man, kids bond with involved grandparents long before they can walk.

YES. They do. My son sees grandparents once a month and goes to the nursery at the gym 5x / week. The only people he’ll let his parents leave him with without throwing a screaming tantrum are grandparents.

What this is is generational cuckholding. Instead of the husband she’s tricking out of the inheritance for an illegitimate child, its the grandparents.

I will give this woman credit that she is at LEAST struggling with it. However, this advice just sealed the fate. I feel bad for the kid more than anyone else =/ He doesn’t deserve this.

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El amarillo August 20, 2012 at 13:55

I once met this exchange cute girl from gender studies on a dancing class at my university. After we met briefly out of the class we had sex at the second date. I liked our intimacy so much that I left my then girlfriend the next day which I would have left anyway. So, I knew she had a boyfriend but she decided not to leave him and stick with both of us. Naturally, at that point I made my mind that this chick was not relationship material; however, I stuck just for the sex. She also told me once that her mother cheated on his father with his best friend and that it was his fault for not taking care of her. As you can imagine, she was super nagging when I could not see her for any reason when she demanded. When time came for her to leave to her home country she cried and asked me to stay with her in a serious relationship which of course I did not.

Months went by and I met her on Facebook; we talked and told me she continued with her then boyfriend but finally broke with him and wanted to see me again because she could not forget me. I was just scratching my head; it is just amazing the mentality of some women nowadays. They think they can behave morally in almost any way they want and still be entitled to everything a man can offer. I am a man with an open mind; if you come as an amoral slut you are welcome. We will have a good time but do not ask for stupid things from me. An amoral slut is as suitable for the wife role as a boat is suitable for the highway. The same way, you do not choose a chair instead of a parachute when you jump from a plane. They just have different purposes. And this is the problem with lots of women right now…they were taught that parachutes and chairs have the same purpose… and now they believe it…outrageous.

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Nemo August 20, 2012 at 15:49

@ Highwasp:

Your choice of song is even more apt than you may have realized.

From the wiki:

“The song is the first piece to a trilogy of songs in what Vedder later described as a “mini-opera” entitled Momma-Son. It comprises the songs “Alive”, “Once”, and “Footsteps”. “Alive” tells the story of a young man discovering that his father is actually his stepfather, while his mother’s grief leads to an incestuous relationship with the son, who strongly resembles the biological father. This leads to “Once” in which the man descends into madness and goes on a killing spree, and “Footsteps” in which the man is eventually looking back from a prison cell awaiting his execution.”

There’s some even *more* disturbing stuff in the wiki, but posting it here might violate the rules of decorum for this forum.

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Nemo August 20, 2012 at 16:02

@ Charles Martel;

The real reason for making DNA testing without the consent of the mother illegal is that illegally obtained evidence can’t be used in court.

IOW, “feminist jurisprudence” is now extending into rewriting the laws, not just interpreting the laws. It is being used to pervert and subvert the laws of the land.

A DNA test *can* be ordered by the court to prove that a man *IS* the father. A DNA test can *not* be ordered by the putative father to prove that he is *NOT* the father.

This is perhaps the clearest instance of the perversion of justice by feminism. It also sets an incredibly bad and dangerous precedent.

Imagine what will happen if this principle is extended to *other* areas of law. The laws can simply be rewritten so that the government can use scientific evidence to *CONVICT* men of crimes but men can not use scientific evidence to *EXONERATE* themselves from false accusations of committing those very same crimes.

IOW, you can use science to prove guilt but you can not use science to prove innocence, even if it is THE EXACT SAME scientific test.

What a mind-blowingly E-V-I-L concept …

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anonymous August 20, 2012 at 17:42

Paternity testing laws make sense only when viewed under this lens: the laws are an extension of the view that men are only good beasts of burden. DNA test is used, and is to be used, only when it suits women.

India now is a matriarchy:
Mom refuses DNA test, dad is forced to fork alimoney… and child support, all the same.

Paternity test during pregnancy… only if it benefits women

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Common Monster August 21, 2012 at 07:09

After the conception/birth, the woman can play the Mommy Card as a get-out-of-trouble-free card indefinitely, which is why an ounce of prevention, etc…

I don’t know if anyone has tried putting mandatory DNA testing into a prenup, but I’m actually skeptical of how much good it would do. Men tend to show a great deal of what’s called “rule awareness”, but I think it’s a big mistake to project this characteristic onto women. Their rationalization hamsters will always win out.

If any child a wife bears is gonna be the responsibilty of her husband, then he should have the right to abort it. Two wrongs may not make a right, but it’s lot better than one wrong spinning out into a black swarm of ‘em.

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Zorro August 21, 2012 at 15:25

I spent 4 years in Saudi Arabia.

Now I know why the Saudis keep their women locked up. They’re not sexist or misogynist at all.

They just know women better than we do.

PS: Marriage is for brain-dead ass-hats. And women.

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Harry Balls August 21, 2012 at 18:55

Well, it’s all about to become a real side show, they have had a breakthrough with male birth control with no side effects. I read about it just this week , but lost the link. Once men control fertility the game is up.

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Gilgamesh August 22, 2012 at 18:26

Prtty sure they already tried that but couldn’t get it past the FDA. Was it the cotton seed extract one?

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bloo russell August 24, 2012 at 17:13

This male contraceptive pill has been invented numerous times but it has always disappeared .Forget it
No Government would ever allow it .No More babies .No more growth which are capitalist world is dependant on?
All women say they would never trust a man who says he is on the pill and this is because they all recall how they oe their girl friends have trapped men over the years.Male Pill will never be allowed. Men have no rights

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sue October 20, 2013 at 05:18

hampsters come in two varieties. while the female has no sense of time, the male hampster is alpha-envious – somtimes to the point of madness.

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