Full disclosure: I have no daughters. In fact, I have no children at all, so I am not speaking from personal experience – just laying out my observations. But as an “outsider” I have observed guys who have daughters, and sometimes their conduct leaves me scratching my head in confusion.
About two weeks ago I made a post about the guys I work with. What puzzled me was the degree to which they defer to their wives. And by defer, I do not mean that they are doormats, or even disagree with their wives a lot: but the fact that their wives have the veto authority in their marriages, and that the guys subordinate their desires – and judgment – to keep their wives happy. THAT is the ultimate test of who wears the pants in the family – and these guys willingly admit that their wives have the final say. Not only are they not ashamed to admit to what amounts to “wearing the skirts” in their families, but they assume that is the natural order of things. The blue pill is so pervasive that, in a real sense, they don’t even realize that they ARE wearing the skirts.
Not that I care: they all seem happy with their arrangements and far be it from me to tell them how to live their lives – I just find it curious. But that’s background information, not the central point of this piece.
Since I made that post I went on a trip with the guys on my team (we live in different places and only see each other when we go on the road). We were sampling the local cuisine and the conversation included vacation stories, financial plans, politics, family, work, relationships… the usual stuff guys talk about over a couple of brews. One guy has teenage daughters that he’s planning to put through college. I could not resist inserting some red pill into the mix, so I mentioned that 60% of degrees were going to women, and that women prefer to marry up. Since “educated” women don’t often go for “uneducated” men, a lot of women of his daughter’s generation were on their way toward spinsterhood for lack of “suitable” mates.
He’s a smart guy and the implication for his daughters was obvious. He even acknowledged the truth of it. But his response was, “I’m still glad it’s not the way it used to be.”
I get it: he’s proud of his kids. Why not? They’re doing well academically (as they should: as girls the entire education system is geared toward their success). They stay out of serious trouble. He wants what is best for them. Even as a non-parent I understand all that.
What is disheartening about it is that he does not see the connection between “it’s not the way it used to be” and “a lot of women of his daughter’s generation are on their way toward spinsterhood.” The blue pill is EVERYWHERE. I’m nearly convinced that some malevolent group of “Jezebels” is dissolving blue pills into the supply of drinking water.
Consider his daughters. I’m sure they are good kids who would make any parent proud. But they don’t live on an island – they live among their peers and within the confines of biological and demographic reality. Even if EVERY one of their male college classmates marries one of his female classmates, a third of those young women will not find a male age-peer who is even her “academic equal,” much less someone with a higher level of education. But not every male graduate will marry a female classmate. Some will marry down. Some will choose not marry at all. Then subtract out the guys who are “creepy,” gay, or otherwise unsuitable, and we are left with a generation of “educated” women who are barreling toward a demographic wall at high velocity.
Marry up? My buddy’s daughters will be lucky if they can marry “across.” Many women of that generation will face hard choices: supply and demand in the adult world doesn’t much care how “empowered” you were in college. The women of that generation may be able to marry down, but few will want to. They may not marry at all and become wards of the state when they bear bastard children. They may become involuntary childless spinsters. They may go for much older men, but many of them have been through the Family Court meat grinder and must devote much of their effort to paying their exes’ bills.
We know the score here: the degrees these girls are getting cluster in the “Who are you trying to kid?” category. They are not truly superior to the guys of their generation, but that degree in “You Must Be Joking!” makes them think they are. Most emerge from college with a pile of debt, no marketable skills they didn’t already possess in high school, and a few laps around the carousel – older but no wiser, and blissfully unaware that half of their years of prime beauty and fertility are already in the rear-view mirror.
Once upon a time fathers could and often would look after their daughter’s futures. Guys like my buddy still try to do that, but the blue pill is so pervasive that he thinks “get them into a good college” is the biggest part of looking after their futures.
These are not the usual “failures in waiting:” girls raised by slutty (but heroic!) single mothers. These girls come from a good two-parent family that values education and achievement. And, thanks to feminism, the odds are even stacked against them.
But hey, at least it’s not like it used to be.