TMZ filmed Usher’s custody hearing, in which he’s pleading for custody of his sons. His ex’s lawyer is smearing his character and delving into his personal life in an attempt to prove he’s an unfit father, and that it was his own fault that his ex-wife attacked his girlfriend.
If a man tried to pull the same in court, he wouldn’t have a chance in hell of getting custody (not that Usher really has much of a chance anyway). It doesn’t matter if your ex is bringing strange men over and sleeping with them in the room next to the kids, leaving the kids with grandma to go slut it up in Vegas, or whatever. You just can’t go there, because the judge will teach you a lesson for it.
On the other hand, if a separated guy has a fling with a woman away from his kids when it is not his custodial time with them, that’s considered “provocation” and bad parenting. The way it’s set up, almost anything a father does can be used against him, whereas a mother can be excused for just about anything, including assault.
This is why I cannot in good conscience recommend that a father fight for custody unless he can conclusively prove that the children are in danger. Better to get a reasonable parenting plan with plenty of time with the kids, and if the circumstances change he’s in a good position to take over as custodial parent.