Time Scoops Newsweek in Raging Cover Shot War

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by Uncle Elmer on May 17, 2012

Time Magazine, seeking to re-establish its pre-eminence in the ferociously competitive glossy news magazine market while reaching out to the powerful new majority of Millennial Women and their disposable incomes, has realized that mere vaginalogues and masturbation seminars are not enough to raise their market presence above the noise of countless bloggers and commentators. What Time has to offer in contrast to these brash, ignorant amateurs is Professionalism, and in a brutal face-off with co-weekly “Newsweek”, which limply tried to create buzz with it’s “Gay Obama” cover, has upted the ante in a daring move that stimulates competitive rivalry and ultimately, benefits us all.

By now you’ve seen Time’s “controversial” magazine cover showing breast-feeder Jamie Lynne Grumet staring vapidly into the camera as only a professional “model” seems capable of doing. Her pose and expression smugly condescends the rest of the planet for not being advanced enough to understand the wonders of breastfeeding.

Jamie’s a breastfeeding advocate, and recently took her jugs and tit-feeders to a “nurse-in” at a Los Angeles Target store to express outrage that somewhere, somebody may have been advised to cover up her breasts while feeding her child in public.  Shades of global Slut-Walks engendered by the Toronto Police Department’s Assistant to the Traveling Public Safety Outreach Officer’s comment that young women should dress appropriately and be aware of their surroundings to avoid getting raped.

But Jamie doesn’t stop at merely breast-feeding her natural son and putting him on the cover of a tired hag of a magazine that now litters dentist’s offices and airline gates across the nation; she wants everyone to know that her adopted Ethiopian son gets to enjoy the ameliorative effects of liberal white women’s body fluids as well.

In a blog post describing “adoptive breastfeeding” she provides a lovely shot of her white and black kids co-grappling with her tits while exchanging the gaze of true brotherly love.

She explains for the less open-minded : “Samuel had been curiously watching me breastfeed his brother (Aram, 2.5 years at the time.) He didn’t speak English, but in his curiosity he was able to convey that he was also interested…When I asked him if he would also like to breastfeed he smiled and jumped right on my lap. ”

Then the knee-slapper : “It helped Aram understand Samuel’s role in the family and he was completely equal.”

Anyone who has grown up with brothers and sisters or has more than one child can well predict how Aram will bond with his “brother” as they progress through life. Sharing the jugs of plenty is sure to quell any nascent sibling rivalry as Aram and Samuel grow up together. And by taking it to the cover of Time Magazine to reap the resulting media firestorm, Jamie has certainly raised the bar for celebrity females making a public spectacle of their trans-racial adoptions.


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