Outrage mounts as Forbes Woman tries to export Millennial Burnout Syndrome (MBS) globally

by Uncle Elmer on December 1, 2011



After my first day on the staff at Forbes Woman, I am exhausted. The editors thought that bringing a man’s voice to the conversation would boost their viewership while positing Forbes as a progressive media outlet appealing to the new gender-neutral Millennials.

I have to admit, the gals all perked up when I walked into the office in my gabardines and projecting my trademark swagger. They certainly weren’t used to having a ballsy Alpha man strutting around the halls of Encorpera like a spring chicken. Hey, I’m used to female attention, but when the boss dumped a pile of their essays in my cublicle and tole me to “add a masculine voice” to their writing, I quickly remembered why I never lasted more than 6 months at a corporation.

I really was trying to help those ladies, but shit hit the fan when I made a few suggestions on improving their grammar and narratives. Then the inevitable lusting from the younger hotties towards my robust, hairy-armed presence. The older, single, successful gals did not like it one bit. I knew when they headed out together after work (late in the evening, as usual) to chug boxed wine over food component assemblies, that there would be a self-emergent conspiracy to get me ousted. I’ve been through it so many times before that I merely shrugged off the implications and drove my Monte Carlo home to my wife for some Pho and hot sex.

Well, it didn’t take long for them to realize their plan. After I arrived in the morning I saw their diabolical handiwork on my desk :

Success And The Single Asian Woman

Obviously a nefarious plot to “get” Uncle Elmer so they can smirk as security walks him to the door. Sorry gals, I don’t back down. I promptly fired off an inter-office memo expressing my outrage over this innapproriate sexist, racist “joke”.

From the desk of Elmer E. Elmerson, III :

Typical feminist shaming to imply that men are insecure or threatened by a “successful” woman. A man wants a wife, not a co-worker. Better to be poor with a humble, traditional wife than shackled to a haughty female who thinks her job fashioning paper clip sculptures at Encorpera is more important than taking care of her home and family.

I traveled abroad and found a beautiful, successful vietnamese woman for matrimony. Now she stays home and takes care of my needs, and she is happy. To hell with the extra money. I want a woman who enjoys cooking and sex.

As for unmarried mothers, it’s still a major social disgrace in Asia. Typical feminist writing to try to sugar-coat this cultural atrocity by implying that “wonderful, high-power women in New York” are raising bastard children and lovin’ it.

Let’s face it. Western women hate Asian women, and are eager to export feminism to their countries so those hot Asian chicks can be equally miserable as liberated, successful, single, Millennial Burnout American women.

 

Guys, we know how this will play out. Rather than wait for the axe I will take a proactive approach and send some feelers to another publication to scrounge up some work.

In the meantime, you may enjoy some of my editorial suggestions to the Forbes Woman staff, all in a day’s work :

 Getting more women in the boardroom — should the U.S. use mandatory quotas like Europe?

Elmer offer his timeless wisdom :

Women are not excluded by a “good old boys network”. The numbers of women who can compete for executive level positions dwindles precipitously each year because of their own choices to focus on their children rather than spend every waking moment clawing their way to the top of Encorpera.

And the Economoist warning that padding corporate boards with diversity quotas will have poor results is exactly correct. Of course feminist mandates to ensure high-flying corporate jobs to women may backfire when the growing legions of stay-at-home husbands, who have been jerking off to porn and shooting hoops for 20 years, return to the workforce after the kids have grown and demand that they too, get those top slots in recognition for life-long experience. As you are advocating legislation to ensure that those who take the mommy-track have a seat on the corporate board, you will, in the name of equality and gender fairness, have to provide a chair to those men as well.

The Financial Benefits of Babies at Work

Elmer brings his work-life experience to the discussion :

The point of work is to provide goods and services to sell in a competitive marketplace, not to provide “work-life balance” to privileged females who are obsessed with their pointless careers fashioning paper-clip sculptures at Encorpera.

I got laid off from my corporate job soon after they had spent 6 months and tens of thousands of dollars renovating the ladies restroom near my cubicle to provide a “breast pumping” station for working moms. Can’t say I agree that turning the factory into a nursery will help Encorpera meet its shareholder expectations.

And as if workplace women do not already spend too much time throwing parties for some gal transferring to a new position in the next department or hosting stupid-ass holiday gift exchanges, allowing them to bring in their nose-pickers is sure to demolish what productivity still exists. It won’t be the men causing the loss in profit, but women and their ceaseless fawning over babies as well their inherent competitiveness towards each other. The childless women will hate your guts over this.

Busting the Myth That Women Aren’t As Ambitious as Men

Elmer busts… well, never mind :

Now you want to legislate “likeability” to ensure that society has nicer feelings towards aggressive, ambitious women.

And there’s a “Center for Work-Life Policy” providing “facts” that employers should listen to?

Ladies, listen up. Nobody gives you work-life balance. You take it. Stop pleading for this nebulous “society” to provide it and a portfolio of career comforts for you. If you want to reach the top you will make some difficult trade-offs whether you are a man or woman. When you get there, no one will like you.

Your advice for women to approach their Encorpera overlords for executive grooming support as well as to instigate “change” is laughable. Anyone who pulls that stunt will get quickly shunted into a position of high diversity and low relevance.

An Encorpera CoWorker, “womanable”, provides her insight :

Great article, thanks for this contribution. I agree with your points, but I also believe that the way that ambition, climbing the corporate ladder and entrepreneurial growth are discussed are put in very testosterone-charged terms, and posited as an either-or, zero-sum game. Women lead, manage, and grow differently from men, and talk about ambition and business goals using different terminology. In addition to your excellent suggestions, I think we need a new lexicon that is more inclusive, and an acknowledgement that there are multiple paths to greater business success.

Elmer likes her attempt to retool the King’s English, but warns :

Good luck with that. I tried and tried to get my colleagues at The Spearhead to adopt the word “rogure” (which, roughly translated, means to fornicate rudely, though not unpleasantly) but to no avail!

 

“hydee”, who works in Encorpera’s Data Processing Center, has an unusual perspective. I will have to find a reason to drop by and discuss personally. Maybe bring a stack of punchcards or something :

I’m embarrassed to be a woman in Corporate America based on this article. Let me apply this logic to another issue:

Many women are overweight even though they want to be skinny. Why aren’t they skinny? It’s the cost of being skinny that gets to them. If you work out a lot you got sweaty and people don’t like sweaty women. Also if you get too many muscles you’ll look like a man and people don’t like manly woman. Another way to be skinny is for women to watch what they eat. If they watch what they eat then they can’t eat chocolate and everyone knows women love chocolate so it’s not an option to give that up. So you see woman really want to be skinny but it’s the cost of being skinny that they struggle with.

You cannot have ambition if you are lazy and don’t want to put the effort. Ambition requires sacrifice. In fact, I’m pretty sure anything that requires hard work requires sacrifice.

 

Science Proves That Women Are Mean (Again). Thanks Science!

Elmer, can you proof this for me? Thx, Meghan

Last night, while having drinks with some ForbesWoman friends, one made a statement that stuck with me. While describing a falling out she had had with a cofounder of a recent startup and the subsequent attention it received in the press, she said, “If it had been men, it would have been all business. But because we’re women, it’s always portrayed as a catfight.”…

——————————-

Elmer inquires :

While quaffing boxed wine at dinner did you feel a flush of anger and resentment when one of your Encorpera co-workers mentioned her recent private correspondences with Elmer?

The Bargain Hunter’s Guide to Great Wine

Elmer observes :

Boxed whine : the drug of choice for treating Millennial Burnout Syndrome (MBS).

Mom Models Represent On The Runway For Victoria’s Secret

Elmer gives them the Man’s view :

Victoria’s Secret is in the business of covering up flaws, so it’s just good marketing to include some fatties and moms on the runway to appeal to their demographic. While I applaud their inclusiveness it can be a little irritating for men to have this shoved in our face along with demands that we perceive it as “sexy” while being shamed and vilified for enjoying to look at what we truly find appealing (cheerful naked young women who have not borne children). We sure as hell don’t care to hear about some former model’s great postpartum body. And if I see another graphic with a self-satisfied pregnant woman with her hand on her belly I’m gonna puke.

I’m serious. Runway models and their cold robotic stares are complete boner-killers.

The Rise Of The Female CEO And The Folly Of Men Who Just Don’t Get It

Elmer is outraged! :

Typical feminist essay, even in the title using phallic double-entenders (“rise”) to shame men (“who just don’t get it”) as if our entire worth as human beings rests on whether or not we are successful with females. It’s a subtle, insidious form of power abuse against men, reducing them to mere sexual objects, and wholly innappropriate to the culture of inclusiveness and valuing of each coworker’s individual diversity that we are striving to create at Encorpera.

True Tales Of Love And Startups: When Things Get Complicated With A Co-Founder

Elmer shares his experiences :

My head spins now…stay calm, focus, try to beat the stampede of commentary.

Hot Asian chick (well she’s Asian, that’ for certain), beta male “friend”, business partnership. Did she really have to ponder so hard to figure out what went wrong?

Let’s hope after numbnuts recovers emotionally he travels abroad and finds a lovely Asian bride that will satisfy his needs and empower him towards business success!

Close Your Eyes: How Meditation Can Help Your Career

Elmer questions :

How come the stock photos never show a sweathog meditating?

Same for “massage” photos. Always the attractive lady gettin a massage while hubby is out on the links swinging a Large Marge.

Just once I would like to see the middle-aged guy gettin a rubdown from the hot Asian chick while his wife is shopping at the boutique.

Criminy. You know what? I have seen that guy :

http://www.the-spearhead.com/2011/09/15/dear-salon-letters/

And he does the “meditation” thing too :

http://www.the-spearhead.com/2011/09/05/employment-game-part-iii-prospecting/

 

The Psychological Warfare of Women: Are We Our Own Worst Enemy?

Elmer helps out :

Baloney. If you try to change the world by making an example of yourself as a “nice” girl, the mean girls are gonna walk all over you like you’re a piece of moldy carpet.

If you want to survive at Encorpera you need to hunker down and hone your skills at feminine infighting. You got many decades of this ahead of you so you better get used to it and learn to fight like a woman.

Why Being Successful And Independent Will Ruin Your Marriage Prospects (And Why The Media Love To Tell You This)

Elmer simplifies it for her :

It’s not hard to figure out.

A man wants a wife, not a coworker.

—–

Frieda Klotz, Contributor

Hi Elmer,

That is intriguing — could you elaborate?

She is intrigued, Elmer provides more detail :

Man, who once toiled alone in field and factory. sought in woman the exact opposite to soothe his wounded soul. He was willing to commit his paltry wages to her upkeep in exchange for a few simple rewards such as cooked food and a backrub.

Now that legions of women have eagerly sought out Paper Clip Sculptor positions at Pan-Encorpera and have been poisoned by a constant diet of diversity-based inspirational programming, modern woman has become just another Co-Worker.

For many men it’s a waking nightmare. Like when you work on the burger-flipping line and you finally lay down to sleep exhausted you dream you are back on the job cranking out squirt burgers. It’s no wonder they would rather jerk off to porn rather than expend the energy embroiled in a tug-of-war with a female that is just like the angry, competitive gals back at the office.

 

photo courtesy Mrs.Elmerson

{ 70 comments… read them below or add one }

Zorro December 1, 2011 at 10:47

Victoria Pynchon hardest hit!

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 0
Aharon December 1, 2011 at 10:54

Elmer,

Great piece and congratulations on your new found fame at Forbes.

Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 43 Thumb down 1
Jonathan December 1, 2011 at 11:02

Elmer,

I applaud your strength and courage. Not everyone has it in them to descend into a viper’s nest and come out of it clean (and then go home to his bangin’ hot asian wife. Congrats on that btw haha).

Your picture at the top should be of Indiana Jones.

Snakes… Why did it have to be snakes?

Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 29 Thumb down 2
Ken December 1, 2011 at 11:07

YOU DA MAN UNCLE ELMER!! :)
KEEP GIVING’EM HELL BROTHER…
YOU ARE A CREDIT TO YOUR CRAFT.

Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 21 Thumb down 3
DW December 1, 2011 at 11:14

The last three paragraphs are golden.

Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 18 Thumb down 1
Tim December 1, 2011 at 11:20

Word, Uncle Elmer.

Word.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 16 Thumb down 2
revver December 1, 2011 at 11:20

Uncle Elmer: a one-man demolition crew.

Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 22 Thumb down 3
Traveller December 1, 2011 at 11:27

“Economoist”

A true “condensed” meaning. :)

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 0
PUA Officially Out of Closet December 1, 2011 at 11:29

Latest trend: engagement rings for men, called “management rings”

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2068182/If-like-ring-Introducing-mangagement-rings–engagement-bands-MEN.html

Diamonds are a guy’s best friend.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 2
Aharon December 1, 2011 at 11:49

“Diamonds are a guy’s best friend”.

Sure, why not? Of course all the jewelry a couple purchases should be of Equal monetary value for both sexes. Thats jewelry Equality. Then later, during divorce or calling off the wedding, the man does not get short changed.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0
scatmaster December 1, 2011 at 12:42

Uncle Elmer:
I bow to your greatness sir and I wasn’t looking up your wifes skirt.
Honestly.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 1
keyster December 1, 2011 at 13:08

Do mean to say they actually relocated you and your oppressed Asian wife to Manhattan, cloistered in it’s offensive phallic symbology of tall buildings?

Thanks for the laugh Elm!

With the reauthorization of VAWA coming to vote in the US Senate, it was needed.

http://www.examiner.com/conservative-in-spokane/crapo-leahy-introduce-bipartisan-bill-to-reauthorize-violence-against-women-act

Please write to your Senator today and tell him we can’t afford $100 Million+ over five years for this feminist legislation that openly defies the equal protection clause of the 14th amendement of our Constitution. (Yes, I’m asking for a few minutes of activism.)

Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 23 Thumb down 2
RMM December 1, 2011 at 13:18

It’s interesting that the asian chic article keeps harping about “high-powered women”. I always associated the “high-powered” bit with the amount of power their purple saguaro drains from the wall during their successful nights alone.

Similar to when they start talking about “branching out”. Or growing their careers.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0
revver December 1, 2011 at 14:00

Oh Elmer, you could’ve absolutely ripped this one to shreds in a fit of glory.:

http://www.fastcoexist.com/1678854/the-world-needs-female-entrepreneurs-now-more-than-ever

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0
Uncle Elmer December 1, 2011 at 15:29

Forbes gets serious about their “troll” infestation :

Why Internet Trolls Are Good For Business

http://www.forbes.com/sites/larissafaw/2011/12/01/why-internet-trolls-are-good-for-business/

Blogger Sady Doyle recently created a Twitter account #mencallmethings to curate these nasty messages received by other women bloggers. Among the printable examples are “uglyass librarian,” “skank,” “man-hater,” and “feminazi.”

When Elmer, for instance, isn’t discussing his love for “third-world babes” who are “great in the sack and can cook a decent meal from scratch,” he makes a strong point that “women who are capable and drawn to technology don’t need anyone’s help, yet there are initiatives afoot to force universities to require 50% enrollment of women in engineering programs.”

Nevertheless, Elmer, like most Trolls, isn’t interested in engaging in rational discussions. His key motivation in commenting on websites is to strive to “inflame the sensibilities of those who have tormented me: feminists.”

——————————-

Elmer concurs :

elmer 11 minutes ago

Great post Larissa. I too have been viciously pursued by commentators who did not share my opinion.

Whew! It was a tough day at Forbes Woman yesterday. As the “new guy” I appreciate all the gals pulling together to make me feel like part of the team :

http://www.the-spearhead.com/2011/12/01/outrage-mounts-as-forbes-woman-tries-to-export-millennial-burnout-syndrome-mbs-globally/

Lorne December 1, 2011 at 15:41

I’d still rather have the blonde with the briefcase in the last picture. Look at the tow-headed kid she’s carrying. I’d trade a regiment of Asians for that.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 5
RMM December 1, 2011 at 16:03

That’s hilarious Elmer. A whole “article” dedicated to saying “you know, Internet people say mean things.”

Well… duh? It’s been that way since the days of Arpanet, has nobody in Forbes ever looked past 127.0.0.1 or something? None of them tried this internet thing in the last, dunno, thirty years?

And did we really need another touchy feely piece to complain about internet trolls? Real novel content there, well done Forbes. And she got paid for it I bet.

The best part is that it’s “specially bad” for women. Seriously, it’s plain hilarious, they just can’t help it, the whole “special victim” rhetoric just comes out in everything they do, they don’t even have to think about it (not that they can). I wonder if that chap who was misidentified by the fat waitress (which The Spearhead covered) and actually harassed to no end would agree.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 1
TFH December 1, 2011 at 16:05

I have to say it again :

Feminism, far from helping women, has actually exposed basic female inferiority far more visibly than could have ever happened a century ago.

In the past, women knew what tasks to avoid, so as not to look weak and incapable. Now they jump into them headfirst, and then fail spectacularly, only to rationalize why their failure was a success.

I mean, any thinking person reading ForbesWoman will come away thinking far LESS of female capabilities, rather than more.

Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 39 Thumb down 0
Uncle Elmer December 1, 2011 at 16:05

Lorne December 1, 2011 at 15:41 [edit]

I’d still rather have the blonde with the briefcase in the last picture. Look at the tow-headed kid she’s carrying. I’d trade a regiment of Asians for that.

——————————————-
Ow!!! Elmer gets trolled. Hurtful and mean. Makes a good case for ending web anonymity “Lorne”.

Paradoxotaur December 1, 2011 at 16:10

@Shady Doily: “Nevertheless, Elmer, like most Trolls, isn’t interested in engaging in rational discussions.”

Soooo . . . she dismisses Elmer as a troll, and then states that HE’s not interested in rational discussions. OK! Thanks for putting your hypocrisy on display for all to see, Shady (not to mention your stupidity).

Seems to me, that Elmer’s generous observations regarding the epic fails of Forbes Women, namely, their apparent inability to understand that men find attractive women attractive, men prefer women who are good in both the bedroom and the kitchen, men are looking for companionship, not competition, in their relationships with women, and that fat’s a boner killer (and boners don’t lie) are eminently rational. Geez. Where’d that box of wine go?!

Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 24 Thumb down 0
Uncle Elmer December 1, 2011 at 16:16

Paradoxotaur December 1, 2011 at 16:10 [edit]

@Shady Doily: “Nevertheless, Elmer, like most Trolls, isn’t interested in engaging in rational discussions.”

——

Actually it was Larissa. Otherwise, thanks for the synopsis.

Carnivore December 1, 2011 at 16:18

Now here’s one who would make the perfect wife:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bavou_SEj1E&

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0
Carnivore December 1, 2011 at 16:18

Elmer, thanks for brightening my day!

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0
TFH December 1, 2011 at 16:20

Uncle Elmer,

You have to frequently LINK this article to all your comments at ForbesWymyn. That way they can see it.

They have to know you have a whole army of men behind you. When they come here to get gina tingles, then we can make fun of them more.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 0
Art Vandelay December 1, 2011 at 16:23

Haha I find myself regularly over there just to check Elmers posts and add some insight of my own. Keep up the good work Elmerson.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 0
MRA December 1, 2011 at 16:35

“Typical feminist shaming to imply that men are insecure or threatened by a “successful” woman. A man wants a wife, not a co-worker.”

Mother of Jesus, that is the best quote against the “fear of men to successful western women” used by media and feminist.

Gotta save it!

Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 18 Thumb down 0
TFH December 1, 2011 at 16:37

Elmer,

Not a lot of people will understand the ‘Encorpera’ term.

You will get under their skin more by calling it ‘Daycare Center for Women’.

Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 17 Thumb down 0
TFH December 1, 2011 at 16:40

Anyone posting at Forbes HAS to include this article there! Get as many of them as possible seeing this.

It is always funny when they are stuck between the contradiction of their mind being ‘offended’ while their gina is crackling like old sparky.

Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 17 Thumb down 0
keyster December 1, 2011 at 16:49

“…their apparent inability to understand that
men find attractive women attractive,
men prefer women who are good in both the bedroom and the kitchen, men are looking for companionship, not competition, in their relationships with women,
and that fat’s a boner killer (and boners don’t lie)
are eminently rational.”

These desires have been deemed “flaws” that men share, which must be corrected through something called “marriage”. After that the only thing “eminently rational” is the threat of divorce.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 1
gender foreigner December 1, 2011 at 17:21

Dear Uncle Elmer:

Today, I was in one of the Women’s Government Schools (WGS) and there was an assembly in the gym.

The head girl instructed the school assembly to sing the school song which included repeated lines to worship the teacher (who, of course, hates boys, men and male babies) who is a parasite (parasite leave, e.g.), chissels an ever-shorter school year progressively (in the last 10 years, the women have managed to decrease it by 5 days–with pay (one only hears the women say, “The children NEEEEEEED their teacher!” only when such is associated with unpaid leave), etc.

The obvious girl corollary to, “men are looking for companionship, not competition (in the marriage/family market),” is: “Women want companionship, not competition in the, ‘work’ place.”

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 0
Jaego Scorzne December 1, 2011 at 17:25

Wait, wasn’t there an Elmer or Elmeer who was the art world’s greatest copier of famous artists? Our Man has evidenly played the Joker before.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
TFH December 1, 2011 at 17:40

Not many people realize that outsourcing happens mostly due to feminism.

Feminists impose all sorts of costs on businesses in the US, who are forced to employ women despite the low productivity of these female employees.

Since an office is not allowed to have too many men, the next best answer is to move the entire department to India or China, where Western feminists can no longer harass it.

Since Western women cost more than what Western men produce, outsourcing is inevitable, as a means to avoid feminism.

Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 35 Thumb down 0
gender foreigner December 1, 2011 at 17:46

Followup to gender foreigner December 1, 2011 at 17:21:

The MsTraining that Seig Heil Feminazi Gender Criminals (SHFGC)assert is good for marriage is a misfit as that described to me by a U.S. Marine Corps private who described to me that immediately before his unit’s being sent to tropical Vietnam, it was sent to Alaska for winter indoctrination (WI).

The Pentagon might be very successful in selling WI to the Marines, but the SHFGG certainly are having trouble in selling ice to the Inuit.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0
gender foreigner December 1, 2011 at 18:07

Followup to December 1, 2011 at 17:46:

fWomen use force of state in getting what they want. The difference between the uniformed men and the suited men is, of course, that the Marines were drafted: husbands volunteered.

Hello Feminist Marriage Draft. Here comes the Violence Against Men Act (that the SHFGCs will have been lobbying for).

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0
PUA Officially Out of Closet December 1, 2011 at 18:30

TFH, there are women and children working in the outsourced manufacturing jobs overseas.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
greyghost December 1, 2011 at 19:14

You know what Welmer Those forbes Women are some lonely women. They are super credentialed and have done everything right by the herd but can’t seem to get the gina tingle. The articles they write all seem to be focusing on reenforcing the mentality of the herd. They do it over and over again.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 0
greyghost December 1, 2011 at 19:14

You know what Elmer Those forbes Women are some lonely women. They are super credentialed and have done everything right by the herd but can’t seem to get the gina tingle. The articles they write all seem to be focusing on reenforcing the mentality of the herd. They do it over and over again.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0
greyghost December 1, 2011 at 19:15

Had to make a chage called you welmer

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0
Craig Himself December 1, 2011 at 19:47

(Elmer rocks.)

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0
Uncle Elmer December 1, 2011 at 19:49

http://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2011/11/28/busting-the-myth-that-women-arent-as-ambitious-as-men/

“hydee” gives a cost/benefit analysis :

hydee 1 day ago

I’m embarrassed to be a woman in Corporate America based on this article. Let me apply this logic to another issue:

Many women are overweight even though they want to be skinny. Why aren’t they skinny? It’s the cost of being skinny that gets to them. If you work out a lot you got sweaty and people don’t like sweaty women. Also if you get too many muscles you’ll look like a man and people don’t like manly woman. Another way to be skinny is for women to watch what they eat. If they watch what they eat then they can’t eat chocolate and everyone knows women love chocolate so it’s not an option to give that up. So you see woman really want to be skinny but it’s the cost of being skinny that they struggle with.

You cannot have ambition if you are lazy and don’t want to put the effort. Ambition requires sacrifice. In fact, I’m pretty sure anything that requires hard work requires sacrifice.

Uncle Elmer December 1, 2011 at 19:57

http://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2011/11/28/busting-the-myth-that-women-arent-as-ambitious-as-men/

“womenable” calls for a new language :

womenable 1 day ago

Great article, thanks for this contribution. I agree with your points, but I also believe that the way that ambition, climbing the corporate ladder and entrepreneurial growth are discussed are put in very testosterone-charged terms, and posited as an either-or, zero-sum game. Women lead, manage, and grow differently from men, and talk about ambition and business goals using different terminology. In addition to your excellent suggestions, I think we need a new lexicon that is more inclusive, and an acknowledgement that there are multiple paths to greater business success.

Elmer warns her on the difficulties :

elmer Just posted

Good luck with that. I tried and tried to get my colleagues at The Spearhead to adopt the word “rogure” but to no avail!

http://www.the-spearhead.com/2011/12/01/outrage-mounts-as-forbes-woman-tries-to-export-millennial-burnout-syndrome-mbs-globally/

Mobile PT December 1, 2011 at 20:13

@hydee: ” If you work out a lot you got sweaty and people don’t like sweaty women.”

Hydee, dear, FWIW- many of my fondest memories include sweaty women. I lurv, lurv, lurv sweaty women.

You know, rock climbing, bicycling, saunas . . . that sort of thing.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0
Uncle Elmer December 1, 2011 at 20:15

There’s no stopping the “man up” meme :

Why Women Should Man Up And Wear Heels

http://www.forbes.com/sites/leahbourne/2011/11/29/work-style-with-tibis-amy-smilovic/

Elmer applauds :

Well, finally, a ForbesWoman essay that’s upfront about its advocacy to put men in heels and mansierres. Unlike most of the posts here that claim to promote women but have a hidden agenda to feminize workplace men.

I describe this trend in my latest ForbesWoman essay :

http://www.the-spearhead.com/2011/12/01/outrage-mounts-as-forbes-woman-tries-to-export-millennial-burnout-syndrome-mbs-globally/

Aharon December 1, 2011 at 21:32

Have you guys heard the latest medial research findings on what goes inside of a woman’s body during her ninth month of pregnancy? Surgically implanted microphones inside of the womb have detected baby girls actually able to whisper basic words! It’s incredible. Baby girls, a few weeks before they are born, have been recorded saying: “I’m victim” “I want” “man-up” “charge it”, and more.

Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 30 Thumb down 1
keyster December 1, 2011 at 22:28

@Uncle Elmer

The Forbes Moderators should not allow women to post some of those comments in a public forum…the wurly/burly chitter chatter of psuedo-empathetic, non-sensical fem-speak is palpable.

And these are the capable and asute women that resulted from 50 years of “liberation”? The oppressed potential genius, once shackled bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen by patriarchy from discovering innovative, cutting edge business models while adding a “unique feminine perspective”? The Forbes Women are the quintessential great female business and financial minds of our time?

No wonder our economy suffers.
We have women busy pretending to be productive men, and men busy trying not to offend the women by being too productive.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 15 Thumb down 1
TFH December 2, 2011 at 00:05

And these are the capable and asute women that resulted from 50 years of “liberation”? The oppressed potential genius, once shackled bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen by patriarchy from discovering innovative, cutting edge business models while adding a “unique feminine perspective”? The Forbes Women are the quintessential great female business and financial minds of our time?

Earlier up the thread, didn’t I just say that feminism actually made women MORE inferior before? That feminism actually exposed female inferiority that traditional control carefully concealed (lest men figure out that marriage is not as great of a deal as society dupes them into thinking it is)?

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 0
fmz December 2, 2011 at 00:07

Man, you propensity to engage their twaddle shows a lot of stamina.

Else, why even bother?

Do you realise that you are just energy for them there twats?

Sure, ya seem to be having fun, but…
a. why do ya bother, and
b. why is that fun for ya.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0
crella December 2, 2011 at 02:38

Elmer, I dub thee a Knight of the Royal Order of the Cluebat.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 1
Vortac December 2, 2011 at 04:00

There’s an old saying: “Self-praise stinks.”

Why are the faces cut in the last picture?

- Vortac

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0
Vortac December 2, 2011 at 04:03

“Have you guys heard the latest medial research findings on what goes”

What research is that? Who did it, who funded it, etc.?

“Surgically implanted microphones inside of the womb”

You have to be kidding. Otherwise, give some links, please.

- Vortac

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 8
Uncle Elmer December 2, 2011 at 07:09

We have women busy pretending to be productive men, and men busy trying not to offend the women by being too productive.

————————————-

I will hilite this phenomenon in an upcoming essay : Look Out, Here Come the Millennial Office Males (MOMs)

Uncle Elmer December 2, 2011 at 07:21

Do you realise that you are just energy for them there twats?

Sure, ya seem to be having fun, but…
a. why do ya bother, and
b. why is that fun for ya.

—————————————

These and other questions will elaborated upon in our upcoming ForbesWoman Selectively Quotes Elmer; We Publish the Raw Interview Here

But seriously, as Tony Robbins in his Personal Power! series, as well as many other motivational authors such as myself, have emphasized, you must keep a personal journal of your thoughts, dreams, hopes, and wishes. I realize that sites like The Spearhead, with it’s immensely gratifying Like/Dis-Like feedback, is in a way a dynamic-responsive personal journal. One grows a little bit each day by sharing and validating our intense personal experiences as Millennial Office Males (MOMs), and our struggle to be taken seriously by and manup to, Encorpera’s strong, successful females.

keyster December 2, 2011 at 08:20

If you haven’t literally busted a gut by now from Uncle Elmer’s discourse with the Forbes Women, you either take yourself way to seriously or you need a break from the Manosphere.

(Do I send my medical bills to Mr. Price or Mr. Forbes?)

““hydee” gives a cost/benefit analysis :” …is a classic!
For guys that might not know, these are the innane yet entitled women we’re forced to interact with while in Encorpera. It’s torture, but Elmer’s mocking of them makes it hilarious, just because its so true.

They’re perpetually confused as to why they’re not more like the fictional women they see in movies and on TV shows.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0
Uncle Elmer December 2, 2011 at 08:36

““hydee” gives a cost/benefit analysis :” …is a classic!

—————————–

Based on her photo (now in the “photo-essay”) and her syntax, I’m guessing Eastern European. Let’s hope we see more of “hydee” around here.

You too “womanable”.

Anonymous Reader December 2, 2011 at 09:35

Astute readers will note that Elmer always maintains his frame with the ForbesWomen, and with predictable results. They fuss and cluck about him, but they keep on reading him and talking about him.

This is not an accident. This is online Game.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 1
Uncle Elmer December 2, 2011 at 15:59

Why are the faces cut in the last picture?

- Vortac

———————

Because that’s Elmer standing next to the girls, and I didn’t get a model release from them.

Uncle Elmer December 2, 2011 at 16:05

Jaego Scorzne December 1, 2011 at 17:25

Wait, wasn’t there an Elmer or Elmeer who was the art world’s greatest copier of famous artists? Our Man has evidenly played the Joker before.

————————-

Interesting, thanks.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elmyr_de_Hory

In downtown Saigon there are numerous street artists cranking out very good copies of famous paintings. You can watch them work. I suppose you can find that in Europe also.

Common Monster December 2, 2011 at 17:17

Feminism certainly wasn’t our idea.

It’s promise to men back at the start was that it would give us better quality women. Seems laughable now, I know.

Us MRA’s are then the Quality Control department, but office politics has us all but locked out of the loop, so all the meticulously crafted reports go ignored. Higher management never comes out and says “Hell yes, those new control systems we designed, built, and installed were crap, and so we drove it into an iceberg!”

If they’d actually been straight up about it and said this was about them demanding we love them for their minds, perhaps it never would have gone this far.

“Intimidated by…” is a euphimism for “not attracted to”, when the only women men are routinely intimidated by are the ones who are extraordinarily attractive. Like everything else, they have it backwards because they’re employing projection. Trying to blame positive qualities on why guys aren’t interested in ‘em may make them feel better as they play victim to the bitter end.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0
greyghost December 3, 2011 at 03:38

Uncle Elmer
Getting more women in the boardroom — should the U.S. use mandatory quotas like Europe? That forbes article has everything the manosphere has sais and disicussed about women and female psychology in the comment section. From Game to relationship blogs from The spearhead to manboobz the woman are predictable to a tee. I think you knew this going in and man it is really interesting. It is like a reallife view of knowledge learned. I’m having fun with it and I see a few others coming over too GT66 is one i readilty recognized.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0
Uncle Elmer December 3, 2011 at 07:30

Anonymous Reader December 2, 2011 at 09:35 [edit]

Astute readers will note that Elmer always maintains his frame with the ForbesWomen, and with predictable results. They fuss and cluck about him, but they keep on reading him and talking about him.

This is not an accident. This is online Game.

————————————————-

Roissy was right! It’s all formula. Read on :

http://www.forbes.com/sites/larissafaw/2011/12/01/why-internet-trolls-are-good-for-business/

Deborah Sweeney, Contributor 15 hours ago

Nicely said Larissa. You know you’ve made it big in the blogosphere when you get the trolls following and commenting on your work. Taking the good with the bad is the beauty of blogging- everything is fair game to shoot your opinion at. And the trolls know this best. Having had Elmer comment on one of my posts for the first time this week, that’s it, I’ve made it in ForbesWomen! ;)

Uncle Elmer December 3, 2011 at 07:45

All I gotta do now is make a wisecrack about her hair and she’ll be crawling down my cyber-chimney :

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2010/09/02/chicks-dig-jerks-chimney-sweep-edition/

Uncle Elmer December 3, 2011 at 08:51

Can you write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days?

http://www.forbes.com/sites/deborahsweeney/2011/12/01/nanowrimo-success-stories-by-the-words

Elmer helps her get started :

Chapter 1

Forbes Woman eased her car to the edge of the road, holding her foot on the brake as she pulled out the map for another look. Certain she was on the right highway, but puzzled by the expanse of mountains that had been creeping slowly past all morning.

After a brief study she felt confident in her direction. With a little luck a turnoff shown on the map would be just ahead, and promised to shave some time off her drive to Needhampton and her new job as as director of the Sally Ride Women’s STEM Directorate for Brademore College. She pulled the car back onto the blacktop and accelerated down the road.

The sun baked through heavy passing clouds, warming the car comfortably. Pines glided past now as she moved deeper into the dark mass of mountains. And there it was , Route 27, the turnoff she had spotted on the map.

She slowed around the curve, then pulled to a stop again, facing down Route 27 into the darkening hills. Ahead the highway was swallowed by the thickening forest.

“Hmm”, she thought. Looking up at the clouds she wondered if she should just stick with the directions sent her by Dr. Maple.

But the map hinted that an hour could be saved, and she had wearied of the long cross-country trek, so she decided to be daring her last few miles and started down the scenic road.

She was climbing higher as the hills unfolded before her. As each hill passed and lulled her mind she thought again about what she had left for this Job.

“Boredom, that’s what” she said aloud, laughing. What a long tense battle it had been. First deciding that she wanted something else besides a life of security with her kind but domineering Millennial boyfriend Steve, then breaking the ties and accepting the new position so far from his jealous attempts to hold her back.

And now she was on her own and felt great about it, free to seek adventure wherever she liked. When offered the job she had been ecstatic, eager to move to the college surrounded by wild mountains for her to explore.

The clouds had slipped on her ominously, and in a flash of darkness unleashed a torrent. Suddenly the windshield was blurred with the savage downpour, the roof drumming loud with the thunderous flood. As her heart pounded she slowed the car, then the rain pounded harder still forcing her to a halt. She inched the car to the side of the road.

She sat there as the rain lashed her car. Out the window she saw an instant stream running down the roadway. There was nothing to do but turn off the car and wait for it to pass.

As the rain poured on she pulled out the map and looked again. About three more miles. The storm began to ease, and in a few minutes was down to a light drizzle, then, nothing. The sun blazed again, revealing the sparkling wet forest. She was dazzled, amazed at the sudden arrival and departure of the fierce shower.

Forbes turned the ignition key. Nothing. She turned again, but no came sound from her car. Again. Nothing.

“Rats!” she yelled, and banged her fists on the dash. She got out and walked to the front of the car, lifting the hood. The engine compartment was dripping wet.

“How could the rain have gotten in here?” she asked aloud. She slammed the lid in frustration. She stood pondering the situation. With only a few miles to Needhampton she could just walk and get a ride to the college, picking up her car after it dried out.

The wind blew softly now through the pines, the smell of the damp earth and evergreens persuading her to ditch the car and enjoy an afternoon hike to her new home.

She reached in the car and grabbed the keys, rolled up the windows and locked the doors. In the late summer warmth it seemed ok without her sweatshirt, so she put on her sunglasses and started up the road.

After about twenty minutes she started to crest a long hill that had inched slowly under her feet. She paused to catch her breath, looking back at her car, now getting tiny in the distance. The wind breezed stronger, cooling her pleasantly. Clouds raced past.

Not wanting to get caught by another shower she hiked on, hoping to make it to town in an hour. Another hill passed beneath her feet.

The sky darkened again, she picked up the pace. And in another sudden flash she was drenched by the clouds, the rain soaking her to the skin. The shock of cold made her gasp. Water poured off her. Just as suddenly the clouds gave way and the sun brightened her. Strange weather she muttered, musing over the predicament her desire for adventure had now gotten her into.

“Could only be a little farther” she thought. But the road was dark with trees, and no houses were to be seen. Might as well finish she decided, and proceeded onward.

The sun beat down now, promising to dry her before she appeared in town like a wet puppy dog. She brightened on seeing some people on horseback ahead. They disappeared into the woods. She walked briskly to catch them, finally reaching the trail head and walking into the pines, sure that they could give her the final directions. But no riders appeared. She trotted a ways up the dusty path , hopeful they were nearby.

She was startled by the sudden appearance of tall horses and men in her path. She backed up as the rough looking men held the animals in front of her. They were staring, smiling, lustful. Spearhead commentors! Trolls! She crossed her arms, realizing her shirt was still soaked, sluttily revealing her bra to the brazen PUAs/MRAs.

She was afraid, and felt foolish now for having come up the trail after these brutes. She turned to walk back to the road, and the men trotted aside and behind, taunting her with rude comments. Her ears stung with rage. One man pulled his horse in front of her, she stopped and moved in another direction, only to be blocked by another. She broke away and ran, the men laughing as she tore down the trail. She ran into the trees, hoping to lose them.

Her foot snagged a branch and she fell into the pine needles, a button tearing from her shirt. Standing up panting, she clutched her sweat and rain-soaked blouse to her chest as the men easily caught up with and surrounded her. She felt helpless, terrified.

Several of the men got off their steeds and approached her. One grabbed her by the arms and pulled her close – screaming, she tried to pull away, but his strong hands held her like a vice. Then he pulled her face to his, and she nearly fainted as he planted his mouth on her own.

One of the other men, a tall muscular brute with long dark hair, bronzen skin, and deep black eyes set amidst a scarred, craggy, yet somehow boyishly sensitive visage, with accents of Carribe, Andalusia, the frozen steppes beyond, and a hint of savage, yet noble Highland Lord, yanked her free from him and she stumbled back into the dust, catching her fall with her hands as she hit the ground sitting. The two men faced each other snarling.

“I’m first with her, you’ll just have to wait ” the tall one growled.

“That’s what you think Logan”, said the other, swinging his fist to strike, narrowly missing Logan’s face. He pulled his fists up and they squared off.

Forbes looked around her as the men menaced each other. Three other commentators stood around them, arms folded, amused. She was trapped. Clutching her torn shirt tightly to her chest, she looked up at the two belligerents, terrified at her fate, fearful of their beastly intentions…

Rocco December 3, 2011 at 09:35

So Elmer, are you now employed by Forbes? That would be wonderful if men realized that the next twenty years belongs to young, and in your case handsome, men speaking up about what went wrong in paradise.

Do me a favor, ask them if they want more of us ruffians commenting over there or if it’s best we leave them to gestate the productive lessons you’ve just blown their little minds with.

Their used to: Have you go the TPA reports….some here will get the joke.

Thanks Elmer, our first MRA breakout.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1
Uncle Elmer December 3, 2011 at 10:00

Rocco December 3, 2011 at 09:35 [edit]

So Elmer, are you now employed by Forbes?

—–

Only a week so far. I’m still on “probationary status”. Already the girls are getting a little catty. And I’m just trying to do my damn job!

http://www.forbes.com/sites/larissafaw/2011/12/01/why-internet-trolls-are-good-for-business/

Larissa Faw, Contributor 43 minutes ago

I love how Elmer has become our metric for success, but it demonstrates the power that trolls do have these days. I wonder how long it will be before marketers start courting them as “influencers.”

Uncle Elmer December 3, 2011 at 17:03

If You Believe Work-Life Balance Is a Pipe Dream, You’re Part of the Problem

————————-

Great essay Kathy!

Nobody gives you work-life balance. You take it.

The rest of the hamsters would not take work-life balance if you gave it to them. Not your problem.

My rules. My way.

You can find out more in my latest ForbesWoman blog here :

http://www.the-spearhead.com/2011/12/01/outrage-mounts-as-forbes-woman-tries-to-export-millennial-burnout-syndrome-mbs-globally/

Firepower December 4, 2011 at 09:16

Uncle Elmer

Rocco December 3, 2011 at 09:35 [edit]

So Elmer, are you now employed by Forbes?

—–

Only a week so far. I’m still on “probationary status”. Already the girls are getting a little catty. And I’m just trying to do my damn job!

It’s nice of you to work (for free) building web traffic for Lil’ Larissa; I’m sure she’ll use her raise on XXXL Victoria’s Secret lingerie.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 5
msexceptiontotherule December 4, 2011 at 23:07

The need for a “Forbes woman” publication…haha…how much more proof do they need to understand why they’re not taken seriously?

It’s not an achievement that one should be proud of unless it’s been accomplished in the arena of ALL the candidates. A man seeking recognition knows that to get it he must be better than all his competition. (Attn: for time/space/purpose reasons, I am limiting my statements to work/career only) A woman who wants acknowledgement for the things she achieves at work has to realize that she will never be taken seriously as long as her job only exists because of forced inclusion special treatment. You’re not limited to ‘female’ careers as teachers, nurses, and secretaries (Which is a benefit of the efforts made by others I am glad I have been able to experience), but the reason behind the elusiveness of jobs at the top many women experience is mostly because they decided to sacrifice the idea of requiring them to put in the quality of effort and results needed for special treatment and special programs that let them into the industries’ lowest levels. Women who demonstrate that they’re capable without needing any ‘lowering of the bar’ are truly the only ones who should receive recognition and get the top jobs/pay – equal pay for equal work.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0
Eneya December 8, 2011 at 00:48

This is hilarious, truly.
I work as a computer support specialist in a country most of you don’t even know where on the map is and… what are the odds, I am a female. I know that some of you believe that if it is outside of US, we probably live in huts and eat bugs or something so it will probably come as a shock for you, when I tell you that no, there is no patriarchy heaven here.
We are not submissive or stay-at-home, or please THE man on whatever cost. Women work outside of the home as much as men. actually in our culture the idea of stay-at-home-mom is almost alien and laughable. The amount of employed women as the same as employed men and if we start talking about education, I suppose you are going to be disappointed as well.

There are several reasons to outsourcing, the easiest is greed. There are educated people everywhere. Hell, almost all of my colleagues have BA and MA degrees and the average age in my company is 23. Most people who are NOT from US know at least ONE language, besides their own (most of my colleagues know 3 actually, but we are talking on average). However, the standard is different in different countries. If i tell you the money I receive annually, you wouldn’t believe me (let’s just say that it aaaaaalmost reaches 9 000 US). That is considered well paid let me tell you. Fact, I am from a country in Europe, which means that we are paid a lot better than people in India.. but it is more of an example how much it is about money and how little with feminism.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1
Marcus Redman April 5, 2012 at 20:58

Damn you, Uncle Elmer. I’ve been following your essays and the trail of your trolling. Eyes streaming, nose running, ripping through a box of Kleenex. And my sides hurt.

The image of uncle Elmer on the massage table. The thought of Uncle Elmer in the midst of the smart, educated ambitious women at Forbes Woman(Jesus! I thought you’d made it up.)

Fortunately, I have an abdomen of oak, chiselled by gazillions of situps and crunches, otherwise I would have certainly succumbed to a fatal hernia. Death by laughter.

Brilliant work, Uncle Elmer, reminiscent of a skilled banderillero planting his barbs. And so very much more entertaining.

Marcus Redman

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
Marcus Redman April 5, 2012 at 21:18

Btw, thanks for the photo of the Vietnamese girl. I’d never before seen an ao dai with lowrider pants.

The slice of honey-coloured skin at the waist is subtle but devastatingly erotic.

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