A new couples-dynamic (and other roadside attractions)
By Ken Knight
Who here has been humored by some (usually younger in age than you) guy walking along with his girlfriend/fiancée/wife in public responding negatively to you checking out his snookem’s rear flank or perky melons up front? Such a reaction to another man’s eyes on the shapely girlfriend or wife belonging to the grieved party is a classic sign of not just being a putz but being an insecure putz that is clearly at the mercy of the two undeniable factors in the relationship of putz and snookems: 1) she has proven her infidelity before 2) worry about hypergamy occuring. Now putz and snookems are just a passing thought as you go about your business but the guy whose babe you just ogled has suffered yet another blood pressure spike as he traverses the public landscape with his scantily-clad honey who insists on dressing like a street-walker because “it’s hot outside” etc. etc.
I have witnessed more and more young men getting amped over other guys just LOOKING at their girlfriends, wives, etc. in recent years than ever before, and I for one feel it is yet another facet of modern living that should be addressed and perhaps a few of our brothers out there can correct such an insecure and “reactionary” way of thinking/acting before it makes their lives even worse. One point in particular is that you may say something aggressive to a lot of male tail-watchers who ogle your girl hawkishly and most won’t respond beyond verbal banter, however you will eventually come upon some dude whose last nerve you’ll step on with your “What are you lookin’ at?!” remark and he’ll likely be that one guy with the strength and training to stomp you into the mall pavement. As for the girlfriend/wife response to her boyfriend/husband being such an insecure douche who gets peeved over other men eyeballing his “honey”: she’ll either LIKE it and take full advantage of the control she has over her paranoid lover using his weakness against him and even getting “revenge play” on him by sneaking out with someone else when he’s not around or she eventually leaves his ass for being such a possessive douche!
If you hold onto someone too tightly, she’ll squeeze through your fingers like grease. Really dude, you get pissed off seeing other men look at your wife or girlfriend? If she’s that attractive, why not be proud of the fact she gets attention? But that can be a snare for men as well! Take my buddy Davis, who considers himself “better” than just about any man he meets and is in total denial over the fact some women I know refer to him as “Waldo”. Davis prefers “in shape” women because he says he “rates that” and enjoys being in public with good-looking (well, “good-looking” in his mind anyway) women he meets on the internet, and he’ll stay attached to the woman either by holding hands and half-hugging her the entire time they’re out of the car, giving her the “Siamese twin” treatment to make sure everyone around them sees that HE is her date and she is with HIM! Same basic insecurity as the aforementioned “putz”, only the “Siamese twin” phenomenon of a man incessantly attaching himself to his female date in public results in the dude using women to prop up his “status” (if he had any to begin with) and therefore falling square into the pitfall that has been discussed here before on THE SPEARHEAD: men who seek women more than anything else to “validate” them as “successful” or not.
The guys I know in either of the aforementioned relationship archetypes are the unhappiest scoundrels I have ever known, and their female partner does not respect them for it, even using their insecurity against them! Some people, both men and women actually, cannot be “alone” for five days let along a few weeks, because of their insecurity…the thought of being “single” for any length of time irks them more than a bullet wound, and the mere idea of their perceived social circle seeing them WITHOUT someone “hot” on their arm is unthinkable! (Internet dating sites make millions off these people). And woe unto any man who merely LOOKS at snookems while she is with Paulie Putz, his dark insecurity oozing out of him as the idea of being without his “validation” (his girlfriend who might run off with another dude) weighs heavily on his mind….when it really shouldn’t!
So think about it Broham, should you really depend on a woman to “validate” you or impress others around you…others like myself who don’t give a damn who you’re hooked up with? Come on, we really don’t care enough about you for it to be worth getting your boxers in a twist….and your girlfriend’s tits will be forgotten seconds after we get a glimpse of them.
Ken Knight is the author of “THE MIDNIGHT SHOW~Late Night Cable TV Guy-Flicks of the 80s” and the recent zombie-apocalypse novel “DIRGE”.