There’s a huge industry devoted to marital problems, and although many of the actors declare that they are dedicated to creating healthy families, the fact that they profit from their dissolution should tell us all we need to know. Marriage counseling is one of these industries that directly benefits from the destruction of the family, so even though some of its proponents may purport to support men, the exercise is a waste of time.
Let’s face it: when your wife wants marriage counseling, your marriage is probably over. Men should simply accept that such a request is a red flag, and a clear sign that the marriage is doomed. If she isn’t already cheating, she’s been talking to her mother or an attorney, which means that the first suggestion of “counseling” is little more than a declaration of war. Women never come straight out and say “I’m about to destroy your life,” but when she says “we need to see a counselor” that’s about as clear as it gets. No other words besides “I’m not happy” should so obviously prompt men to prepare for the fight of their lives, so rather than spend his money on a counselor any man confronted with them should grab every spare bit of cash he can and find a good attorney.
As men, we have to remember that we are subject to immediate dispossession and possibly incarceration on the word of the women in our lives, so counseling is a very bad bet. In fact, a counselor may be required to testify in court on one’s wife behalf, because anything said in confidence to a professional, and even one’s medical records, will be handed over to a wife’s attorney as a matter of common procedure. Men must understand that any professional is therefore a potential enemy. In fact, even your mother is suspect in this regard — she may well deep-six you in court out of loyalty to her sex or in the hope that it will give her access to the grandchildren.
The sad truth is that no professional who is not legally required to hold your every word in confidence can be trusted. That’s not to mention laymen, of course, who should not be trusted much either, but at least if they are male they’ll usually (but not always) avoid taking sides.
It is not men in our contemporary society who need counseling and coaching — we have a surfeit of programs dedicated to controlling men. No, it is women who would benefit from a dose of reality, because they simply don’t have to face it under our laws. Everything about our society has been arranged to shield women from reality, so men, who have already faced the world and its horrors, simply don’t need anyone to tell them how they should change.
If your wife or girlfriend ever suggests that you need counseling, the best practice is to listen patiently, say nothing, and make plans to eject her from your life.
You can talk to your priest, your lawyer and your dog, but never assume it’s safe or useful to say anything to anyone else.