The High Road

by Delusion Damage on February 22, 2011

There comes a time in every man’s life when he has to make a choice. These days, there come at least a hundred times in a man’s life when he has to make this same choice. You will not be forewarned as to when you will face it, it will be sudden and unexpected, it will jump at you in the most innocuous of situations, but the cumulative effects of all the times you make it can be significant. What is that choice? It’s how you choose to react to a woman in your life who has been infected with feminism.

Option A:

Alice: So, this is my new couch. Nice, huh?
Bob: Yeah, hey, what’s this book you’ve carelessly thrown on the couch?
Alice: It’s a collection of lesbian love poems, I’m a Women’s Studies major and a feminist!
Bob: Wow, you know that’s a bunch of crap, right?
Alice: What?!
Bob: Well, Women’s Studies is a make-believe degree and feminism is stupid, you know that, right? Really, “Women’s Studies” is more sexist than anything “the patriarchy” ever dreamt up. Its very name implies in no uncertain terms that all the real sciences are for men and that women should stay in the academic kitchen studying Marilyn Monroe and spring fashions. Why feminists would encourage such a sexist thing makes no sense – but then, feminists never did have two sensible thoughts to rub together and their entire ideology, in fact, flies in the face of all rational thought with such bravado that I can barely wrap my linear male brain around it at all.
Alice: Contradicting yourself is superior to not contradicting yourself because vaginas are dualistic and phalluses are monistic!

Don’t try to argue with a feminist. That’s impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth: If she were the kind of person who could be persuaded by rational argument, she would hardly be a feminist in the first place. You can save yourself the trouble by taking a few moments to first consider how likely someone who has managed to acquire, hold onto and emotionally invest in an ideology that requires as much self-contradiction, willful blindness to evidence, and flat-out denial of the reality on the ground as feminism does is to respond to reason.

If your conclusion is “not fucking likely”, you may be inclined toward an alternative approach. Feminists believe that to be against feminism is to be against women, and expressing your anti-feminist beliefs to one of them can be counterproductive to other aims you may have, such as mounting a frontal assault on her southern trench, or whatever your favorite two-player game involves. Quite a few aspiring trench invaders have figured out that they can bypass this issue by paying lip service to her feminist ideas.

Option B:

Alice: So, this is my new couch. Nice, huh?
Bob: Yeah, hey, what’s this book you’ve carelessly thrown on the couch?
Alice: It’s a collection of lesbian love poems, I’m a Women’s Studies major and a feminist!
Bob: Cool! That stuff is so important!
Alice: Yeah! Thank you for your balls, I’ll just be keeping them here in my purse for you until you’re too old to labor for my amusement any more!

Being familiar with the male sex drive I accept as an unfortunate fact that many men will choose the prospect of female affection even at the cost of personal integrity and the future of the Western world, and that’s a shame but something we will have to live with. For those men who are currently harming us all by making this sacrifice, as well as those who are not willing to sell their souls and would still like to keep from upsetting their potential dance partners, I suggest a third option:

The high road.

Let go of your anger for a moment, let go of your primal desire to fight an offending idea wherever you encounter it, refrain from personal attacks, refrain from voicing your conclusions regarding the mental capabilities of the kind of person who’d hold certain beliefs, and realize that she’s just a girl, same as any other, she just wants to be happy, and she’s gotten hopelessly lost in her search for a way to achieve that. She was born with the capacity to be a wonderful human being, and whatever deluded belief came into her later to stop her from expressing that nature is not something she chose in order to make your life harder. Treat your delusion-addicted friend like you would a drug-addicted one. Don’t attack her for denying the harmfulness of her ingrained habit, don’t judge her for falling prey to its deceptive allure, just let her know that you care about her and are worried about her because she’s hurting herself and others around her. Expect her to lash out angrily at you to defend her behavior, but don’t get sucked into a debate. You know she’s on a harmful path, you know she refuses to see it, and you’re going to offer her what help you can, that’s all.

Secret Option C:

Alice: So, this is my new couch. Nice, huh?
Bob: Yeah, hey, what’s this book you’ve carelessly thrown on the couch?
Alice: It’s a collection of lesbian love poems, I’m a Women’s Studies major and a feminist!
Bob: Oh, I’m sorry.
Alice: What?!
Bob: Well, it’s your choice of course, but in my experience getting involved in feminism tends to make people angrier and bring unnecessary unhappiness into their lives.
Alice: Where the hell did you get that?!
Bob: Whenever a new scientific study on happiness is published, it seems to me that they always show that women’s happiness in the Western world has been steadily declining since feminism has been gaining popularity, and that women in less feminist countries are happier. This supports my personal experiences. Women who talk about feminism a lot always seem to me to be angry and distraught, and happy women who are pleasant to be around never seem to talk much about feminism. It just seems to me based on all of this that feminism is really bad for women. I mean, you and I were having a good time just now, but it didn’t take a minute from the mention of feminism for you to start swearing at me.
Alice: That’s because you hate feminism and that means you hate women!
Bob: No! I love women! I’ve just never seen feminism do anything good for a woman.
Alice: What about voting?! What about equality?! Do you think women should just cook dinner and stay at home with the children?!
Bob: Of course not, but you don’t have to be a feminist to have options these days. Whatever changes happened in society decades ago and whether feminism had anything to do with them or if it was just inevitable because of technological progress and stuff, I’m not really an expert on all that. I just know what I’ve seen in my life which is that women who choose feminism seem to be making a bad choice for themselves. That’s my experience and if you have a different one I accept that we can disagree on this, and I’m okay with that. We probably don’t have the same religious beliefs either and I don’t think that should stop us from being friends. I know you’re just trying to be happy like everyone else, and if you think feminism is the way to do that I just think you’re making a mistake, that’s all. It’s nothing to get offended about and it doesn’t mean I don’t like you as much as a person, I want you to be happy too and I don’t think feminism can give you that. I just want you to do what’s best.
Alice: And you know what’s best for me?!
Bob: I’m just telling you my experience, just like you’re telling me yours. That’s really the best any of us can do in this world.
Alice: (Well you’re wrong, but) I guess I can’t blame you if you (are really dumb enough to) believe that stuff since you don’t seem like you want to oppress women.
Bob: I sure don’t. My experience with women has been that they’re generally pretty nice.
Alice: Oh Bob, that’s sweet. I’m sorry for getting angry at you. I see how you could have a viewpoint like that with your experiences (and there might be something to it, which I’m probably never going to admit to you, but now every time I see unhappy feminists and happy non-feminists I’m automatically going to be more likely to notice the difference and this will inevitably affect my own view of feminism).

The choices you make shape the world you live in, both on a personal level and the level of greater society. Attack provokes defense and counterattack, but concern provokes questioning. Take the high road. If you can’t find it in yourself to do it for her, then do it for you and me and anyone else who is harmed by feminism. No matter which way you slice it, getting favorable results is better than not getting favorable results. The purpose of any communication is the response you get, and the response you want is for a feminist to become less feminist. For that to happen, you must make her listen to you enough for something useful to sink in. The most effective way to reinforce her idea that men are the enemy, and to stop her from understanding anything you’re trying to tell her is to make her feel angry and threatened. The most effective way to facilitate her letting go of beliefs she’s emotionally invested in is to make her feel safe. Feminists do not respond to reason, only emotion – you already know this.

You can “love your enemies”, or if you can’t do that, you can at least fake it for your own purposes, but the behavior that gets results is always the thinking man’s choice, whether you’re thinking of her benefit or your own. I’ve been down both roads. I once thought that feminists were “enemies” to be “fought”, that if they really think they can compete with men in any area and will be allowed to take advantage of our kindness indefinitely, then we should certainly take it upon ourselves to swiftly and decisively disabuse them of that notion. If that’s what you’re thinking right now, trust me, I know where you’re coming from. I’ve been there. I’ve moved on though, and I hope you can follow me because I can tell you it looks a lot better from here. Following changes in my overall perspective on life, my view of feminists has undergone a massive change as well. I now mostly feel sorry for them, formerly decent girls who got lured into a destructive cult, ruining both their own lives and those of people around them. No one is born a feminist and no one chooses to become one for any reason besides the lifelong search for happiness and contentment that we all share. If someone managed to deceive your daughter or your sister into thinking that men are causing her unhappiness and the only way to live an enjoyable life is to make men the enemy and destroy them, could you honestly blame her for making that her mission? I can’t. I can only feel sorry for her – an ironic reflection of the basic feminist victim mentality, I know – and the fact is that they are victims, victims of their own delusions, and we, as members in the society they’re shaping, are victims of their delusions as well. In a practical sense, they are hurting us, this is true, but I can’t bring myself to feel angry at them any more. I’ve had enough of anger, and I forgive them for they know not what they do. I’ll hurt one in self-defense if I must, but whenever a constructive solution is available that offers the best outcome for both of us, I hold no grudge and I make an effort to take the high road every time.

If you, too, can stop thinking of a poor, misguided girl as “the enemy”, you will be amazed at the effect it will have on your results. If we really are men of reason, we have no choice but to go with the optimal strategy. If we can’t do that, we must confront ourselves with some difficult questions.

The delusions about men and women propagated by our society cause massive damage to everyone in it. The mission of Delusion Damage is to help you reduce your suffering through understanding problems in a wider context where more “outside-the-box” solutions become available.

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