What Women Want, Supposedly

by Thag Jones on September 29, 2010

Thag Jones writes The Forgetful Muse blog

I ran across this article from a “dating and relationships expert” and it’s just so typical in its banality, thoughtlessness and show of entitlement mentality that I think it’s worth noting as an example of the reason so many women have such unrealistic expectations of men and horrible entitlement complexes. What stood out for me what her oh so typical list of what she wants from a man, and it almost goes without saying that nowhere does she state what she has to offer.

Yes, I want an alpha male to look after me, protect me, provide for me, be strong when times are tough and be the man around the house. But I also want a man who isn’t afraid to cook, watch Eat, Pray, Love, talk about his feelings and not be afraid to be a Mister Mom in the future.

Mister Mom? What’s wrong with “Dad?” Does she think dads can’t be nurturing or something? But of course, she wants the perfect mix of alpha and beta, except that anyone with even the slightest leanings toward alpha is not going to sit and watch tripe like “Eat, Pray, Barf” with you. This stated desire for, essentially, Mr Rogers with a sex drive, shows a gaping want of self-awareness as well as a lack of appreciation that a man is a separate human being, not a made to order wedding gown. For all the harping on feminists have done about a man’s “Madonna-Whore complex,” this blindness to our own schizophrenic “Dr Jeckyll and Mr Hyde complex” is more than a little ridiculous.

What men are realizing and what no doubt is causing a quiet panic in feminist circles is that no woman who isn’t completely blinded by political dogma would say no to John Wayne or the Marlboro man, but if she succeeded in turning him into Mr Rogers with a sex drive, she would be completely turned off. Extreme examples perhaps, but illustrative. The problem is that most women won’t acknowledge these things because in so doing, she loses a lot of that hard-won upper hand in the relationship arena, not that it’s been helping her much anyway. Anyone who is so blinded by “feminism” that they have to wonder if wearing make-up is a feminist act and attempt to redefine it as such so that she can pile it on guilt-free (kind of like sluts talking about empowerment, isn’t it?) is way too invested in arbitrary rules, just the thing she claims to be rebelling against.

Another point here is this oft-stated “I want a man who isn’t afraid to cook/ look after the baby/ etc..” It’s a bit of a red herring, because men are not afraid to do any of these things, they just don’t need to be turned into your bitch while doing them, and I think when you hear a woman say these things, it’s a sort of shit test to see how far she can get you under her thumb.

Note the dismissive tone here:

So how exactly can men become more masculine? Apparently by having a “man cave”. As Dobransky explains: “Men need to have a den in their house, or their own bathroom, or a place where they can do their own thing without being interrupted. That is a primitive primal instinct in males. Without their cave, men feel injured.”

When I laugh at this statement, he gets serious and likens my teasing to a man making fun of a woman’s big butt.

“A woman cares how she looks. It’s hurtful to be criticized about her body. That’s how a man feels when his territory is taken away or his career is criticised. He feels exactly like she feels when her body is criticized.”

Right. Anyway, back to the alpha male becoming instinct argument.

I think she meant to say “extinct” rather than “instinct,” but either way this “expert” has no clue about men, yet she is paid to offer advice on relationships and has written a book on the subject. And it’s not just her, but all those of her ilk, who are simply making things worse. Why is the idea of a “man cave” so funny to her? She wants a “sensitive” man yet laughs in the face of a man who dares to suggest that men have some requirements of their own, “needs” if you will.

I’ve seen the calls here for some plan of action and while I don’t claim to know what exactly to do about the problems that face us as a society, I believe one route to change is to keep hammering away with the message until it becomes mainstream. Part of this will be “preaching to the choir,” but it needs to be repeated in order to find new ears.

Women need to wake up to themselves as well, so I offer these commentaries in the hopes that women will read them as well as men, and in the hope that men and women can be a team again. Those of us who are raising the next generation can do a great deal if it’s done collectively, but in the absence of a majority, we must do what we can as individuals and go against the grain of popular culture. Don’t let your kids wear stupid shirts with messages like “Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them,” or “Girls rule, boys drool.” Why do we think this is funny? Imagine if boys wore shirts saying “Girls are stupid, beat them into submission” or “Girls make great pets.” Do I even have to ask what would happen?

In the spirit of raising a better generation, I’ll leave you with a light hearted piece of advice to sons that you’ll never hear from most of the dads I know:

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