In light of the nature of the overall response to my recent article on Game and the Recession, I thought to write what I hope will be a brief and to the point reply.
Over the past few years in my time of observation and involvement with what has become known in some circles as the “Manosphere”, I’ve noticed what I consider to be a palpable strain of discontent among its denizens. Men, often angry and bitter, seem attracted to this odd nexus of the Internet, where Men’s Rights, Game and “HBD” all seem to converge, or at the very least, are only mere “doorsteps” away from each other. To say that there is no legitimate locus of these Mens’ anger, is to be disingenuous; marriage, dating, and sex have radically changed, and not for the better. For far too many Men, the changed landscape is a veritable battlefield; one that is littered with the bodies of otherwise decent guys, trampled by the sociopolitical machine born of our “enlightened” age. Many Men have run afoul of the anti-male court system, be it via divorce or child support, or with regard to rape and sexual assault accusations. No reasonable person can say with a straight face that not only can these systems be abused, but they also contain within them very real imbalances that can prove extremely costly to Men in too many ways. On these and other points, I truly do commiserate with my brothers.
But when the anger and righteous indignation on the part of my brothers becomes counter-productive – to the point that even the mere suggestion that Men should take care in their appearance is tantamount to being gay or putting Women on a pedestal… That my friends, is where we part company.
And that’s where the “Men’s Rights Movement”, if one wishes to call it that, is right now, in my view. It is a deeply held concern I have shared in private with The Spearhead founder, Welmer. I, for one, hope that he does something about it, because, let’s face it: silence implies consent, and for those who are our opponents – namely, Feminist Ideologues – it is the shrill voices that give them the rationale and justification to paint ALL of us in the exact same light. Those who wish to denigrate any but the most obstreperous views, then, are only helping to tear down what we are hoping to create, blinded by their own bitterness and pain.
Welmer has asked me to focus a bit more on Game-related pieces for The Spearhead, and this is something I have agreed to do, because let’s face it: for the vast majority of Men out there, Women will play a big role in their lives. And I for one, actually like Women, and I refuse to apologize for that. Nor am I some bitter chump in a dank basement somewhere, and that brings me to another point:
One of the most striking things I had observed about the Manosphere, was the sheer bile and vitriol; the ferocity of bitterness and anger directed at Women, and, by extension, anyone who suggests, even in the most benign way that Women ain’t all that bad. This took me aback because those who seemed the most angry and bitter, were by all intents, America’s Most Wanted & Preferred: White Guys. And let me refine that point just a bit more, if I may: I’m talking about middle class, college educated, good money earning, White Guys. Take it from me, a Black Male Blue Collar “Prole”, who’s seen a lot more pain, suffering and strife in his life than the vast majority of you will ever know in two lifetimes: you guys have the world on a string. You, for the most part, live where you want. Pickup and travel at pretty much where you want to go. There are real opportunities that are open to you that will never be open to me. You will never have to worry about being shot by those who are sworn to protect you when you go out to get something to eat. And you are still on top of the real money making and status heap. Sure, you may encounter some setbacks, but then, what guy doesn’t? The point is that, all things being equal, if anything, one would think that it would be me who was bitterly grousing about the unfairness of life.
But, I don’t. Somehow, I made Game work for me, found some measure of happiness and joy and yes, love, out of this place we call our world. Is it perfect? No, but then I never set out for perfection. Just a bit of satisfaction.
So, I’m really and truly sorry fellas, but I just cannot get to all that bitterness so many of you seem to revel in. The notion that a guy who takes some interest and care in how he looks, is akin to him being “gay”, simply doesn’t compute for me. The idea that treating the Woman who you’ve been with for an extended period of time as a human being is somehow weak or pandering, I just don’t get it. The line of reasoning that says that being neat and clean for one’s own sake, as well as that of your mate, is a kind of anti-social behavior that I find anathema to all that I stand for.
As far as I am concerned, Game can be used to improve a Man’s life where it matters the most, no matter how many of you may want to try to deny it, and that’s with regard to Women. I don’t see the idea of advocating for basic decency and fairness on behalf of Men or Women, and also actually liking Women, as being mutually exclusive. There’s a middle ground, a “both/and”; that’s been the story of my life, and it still continues to work now.
I am NOT a PUA, nor am I an “MRA”. I’m just a Brotha who’s trying to live some semblance of a decent life, and who believes in basic justice and fairness. The ideals propounded by the PUA & MRA communities, assist in that effort, for me. Nor do I have to be nasty, vindictive or bitter about it either.
The Spearhead is on the cusp of something truly great. I can feel it. And I am just hoping that it doesn’t get ruined by those who, because of their unwillingness to move beyond their own past hurt and pain, are quite fine to execute a kind of scorched earth strategy in order to make their point. If they win, we will have done no better than the very Feminist Ideologues we decry at every chance we get. We can do better than that, fellas. The Spearhead has given us a chance to really highlight what men are all about, and guess what, it’s more than angry fist-pumping in the air. There’s room for Welmer’s great recipes (more, please!), there’s room for neatly presented issues of import for us, and yes, there’s room for Game, too.
I’m just sayin.
Subscribe to The Spearhead Newsletter for a free copy of the Book of Zed
{ 1 trackback }