An article on Yahoo! Movies somewhat misleadingly states: “Twilight Fans’ Vampire Addiction Affecting Relationships.” The problem with the article is that it doesn’t explicitly spell out which parties – husbands or wives – are wrecking the relationships in favor of their imaginary vampire lovers. Obviously, the vast majority of “Twilight” fans are female. A Spearhead author, Whiskey, has already detailed the hysterical devotion felt by female fans for Twilight, and I suspect most of our readers can figure out what’s going on here, but I think I’d be negligent if I didn’t highlight the facts.
Vampire romance is the aqua vitae of female fantasy — it is all the sweat of women’s desires collected and distilled into a bloody, intoxicating cocktail from hell. The lovers are superhuman, they are murderous killers, and they can impregnate women with transhuman sperm. Also, they can fly around and are not bound by the laws of physics, which gives them a magical, feminist flair. And, furthermore, there is an eternal battle between the beautiful, androgynous vampires and the hypermasculine werewolves, which gives the tale a double-whammy butch/pretty-boy tallywhacker of an approach that is absolutely guaranteed to itch whatever scratch the female fan may be feeling at any given point in her hormonal cycle.
According to the article, women are naming their children after the characters in the show, which was originally penned by a Mormon female. Although the article claims that one male is addicted to the show, this is obviously an attempt to camouflage the true nature of the fad, which has middle-aged females swooning and quaking and, naturally, comparing their aging husbands to adolescent males who are swooping around at night to sink their gleaming fangs into the supple necks of virgins.
When I was in high school, there were a few guys who actually wore capes and fake fangs to school. Needless to say, they were always getting pounded and shoved into lockers by the homeboys, but they may have been ahead of their time. Too bad they didn’t have superhuman strength and speed they could use to school their tormenters, but so it goes for pioneers. Perhaps Stephanie Meyer spent some time with these sad specimens, and their fantasies formed the basis of her literary efforts. If this is the case, I suppose the befanged denizens of basements, smoking cloves and playing Magic: The Gathering (unsurprisingly from Seattle), have finally made an impression on the women who always spurned them.
Too bad the girls only love the fantasies rather than the men themselves. And so the eternal tragedy plays on.
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Hahahahahaha, this is hilarious. Never thought about it before but you are right, vampires are the perfect answer to hypergamy.
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