Yesterday’s post asking what men found attractive to women received quite a few genuine, thoughtful responses. Unfortunately, I can’t fit them all into a post, so I picked out a few to demonstrate that what is depicted as attractive in popular media is highly misleading, and far from what men actually like. In fact, the sassy, demanding, uncaring and promiscuous women of popular entertainment are behaving in a manner that many men find unattractive, and young women who imitate these stars and the solipsistic behavior displayed on the shows are doing nothing but hurting their chances of finding a decent man.
Additionally, it is revealing to see that most men who responded are actually caring human beings who want someone to love; they are not simply dumb brutes who will settle for anything with T&A. Women who actually want a relationship rather than a string of one night stands would do well to recognize this. Men who don’t call back usually don’t do so because, besides the sex, they don’t feel the woman has anything positive to offer, and they are worried, often with some justification, that she might be a genuinely unpleasant person.
TDOM has long known what he likes in a woman, and was lucky enough to find one who fits the bill:
I have always been attracted by a strong, confident, yet vulnerable woman. I want a woman to challenge me, not in a competitive way, but in a way that brings out my best. She needs to be smart, witty, and pleasant. She must accept my faults and not constantly be trying to change me into someone else. She also needs to be as loyal to me as I am to her. Should we have a disagreement, she needs to be able to discuss it without yelling. she must not be an arrogant bitch. Physically, I like somenone pleasant to look at, though not necessarily a raving beauty. My wife possesses most of these qualities.
PrairieLark brings up one of the most important but also most neglected traits that men value in women: sincerity.
The most attractive thing is GENUINE KINDNESS. Not the syrupy fake kindness that so many women are able to project with a pearly white smile and fake small-talk. I’m talking about a woman who actually likes you as a person, takes an interest in you, and is nice and kind to you.
Don’t think I’m talking about the cashier that smiles at you and makes small talk. I know when a woman genuinely likes me and when she is putting on some routine. I have had girlfriends that did not even return my phone calls or emails. It would be nice to have a girlfriend that actually cared enough about you to call you or email you just to see how you were doing, without some hidden motive like they want you for money or sex or they want you to assuage their own loneliness.
Again, honesty, sincerity, and kindness are important to men:
WARMTH! I’m not just talking about a cheery attitude. I’m talking about warmth that springs from a woman who not only likes you but likes men in general. Allow me to clarify: a woman who appreciates and loves men. You’ll know such women when you encounter them.
-MacArthur Of The MRM
Justus’ wife is not only attractive, but has impeccable taste:
My wife introduced me to the Spearhead. I don’t know anything more attractive in a woman than that.
3Dshooter revives a concept foreign to today’s young women: Honor.
True beauty requires honesty, integrity and honor, someone who is comfortable with who they are without regard to the hand that nature has dealt them. They need to be truly affectionate and not use their sexuality in relationship power-plays. One who is playful, yet contemplative; silly yet open to broad discussion; discrete when society requires it but will jump your bones in the back yard on a nice summer night.
Like PhakeNaim, I’ve found myself attracted to granola-type girls before (provided they bathe regularly):
I’ve always had a fondness for hippie chicks. I wasn’t alive back during the sixties, but I like the girls who carry on the hippie vibe these days. I like the loose clothes they wear, how they wear their hair naturally and freely, their lack of hair grooming (yeah, I like hairy chicks). Basically, I like a free thinker. It doesn’t mean we have to agree on everything, in fact I prefer her to stick to her beliefs… as long as they’re not too outlandish. A girl who wears glasses wouldn’t be bad either.
Someone who likes to make things, whether it’s her own clothes or jewelry or beads or whatever. Someone who isn’t afraid to do her own thing and doesn’t give a shit what the rest of herd thinks. Someone who doesn’t abuse their body with drugs or alcohol or cigarettes.
I don’t know… the hottest chicks I’ve seen have been at the Community Food Co-Op or Farmer’s Market. Just my two cents.
Red’s comment could have been a post of its own, and now it is (Read it here). I chose the most poignant passages for display below:
Wow, where to start. I’ve always admired a quality in women that could be described as grace. To me female grace would imply a woman who is not selfish and will forfeit the spoils of good graces from men in the name of the higher ideal of reciprocal obligation, truth, respect, honor and responsibility, a tepid trepidation toward the receiving excesses to suit her selfish and self centered desires.
A woman who is capable of nurturing, selflessness, empathy and who is giving only opens up the door for me to bestow my honor upon her. Someone who likes children, animals and nature.
I simply want a woman who is not selfish and self centered as so many have become now in character and by law. I want a woman who respects sexuality and could only wish that sex did not play such a public and promiscuous role in her interactions with men in society and as now a part of her public identity. In essence someone who does not believe that females should be “sex objects”.
Alkaline proves that men are far from shallow, and can appreciate a lot more than one standard type:
I would have to say femininity is what I find most attractive. However, I find that my definition of it often varies between women. I have found the “tomboy” type attractive among some females (so long as they also have a sense of humor and a lack of drilled-in hostility towards men, that is) – my current girlfriend is athletic (and more logical and realistic than me), but also has the same dark sarcastic sense of humor I have; yet somehow she’s very, very female with it all, from my POV. It’s a nice combination for me. With other women I find the more “traditional” type of femininity attractive – I’m thinking of one girl I know who wears dresses/makeup/etc, but much more importantly has that certain kind of delicate grace that would make her beautiful wearing a potato sack.
TMOTS explains that although guys value appearance, a pretty face alone isn’t close to enough:
Obviously initial attractiveness is key – it’s what starts the ball rolling so-to-speak. For if you do not find a woman attractive, the ‘game’ stops there.
The real test is when you find a woman that is attractive internally as well. That is to say morally, fair minded, responsible, not afraid to take responsibility for her faults, respectful… etc.
Many women are beautiful on the outside and worth the initial contact, but when that layer is removed (and I don’t mean the makeup), what is inside her head as well as her heart is what matters most to me.
Since I brought up makeup; women with loads of it on and designer this and that tend to be red flags to me. It tells me that they are either neurotic with self esteem issues or they believe that it makes them somehow prettier when in reality it is a faux front of who they really are. A beautiful woman is a woman that can remove the makeup and still appear naturally pretty…Then backs it up with a pretty inside, for lack of a better phrase.
I hope this was edifying for our readers. Men are far more complex and discriminating than popular culture would indicate; above all, they want good women in their lives. Is that too much for men to ask?