Men Reveal What is Attractive in Women

by Welmer on May 4, 2010

Yesterday’s post asking what men found attractive to women received quite a few genuine, thoughtful responses. Unfortunately, I can’t fit them all into a post, so I picked out a few to demonstrate that what is depicted as attractive in popular media is highly misleading, and far from what men actually like. In fact, the sassy, demanding, uncaring and promiscuous women of popular entertainment are behaving in a manner that many men find unattractive, and young women who imitate these stars and the solipsistic behavior displayed on the shows are doing nothing but hurting their chances of finding a decent man.

Additionally, it is revealing to see that most men who responded are actually caring human beings who want someone to love; they are not simply dumb brutes who will settle for anything with T&A. Women who actually want a relationship rather than a string of one night stands would do well to recognize this. Men who don’t call back usually don’t do so because, besides the sex, they don’t feel the woman has anything positive to offer, and they are worried, often with some justification, that she might be a genuinely unpleasant person.

TDOM has long known what he likes in a woman, and was lucky enough to find one who fits the bill:

I have always been attracted by a strong, confident, yet vulnerable woman. I want a woman to challenge me, not in a competitive way, but in a way that brings out my best. She needs to be smart, witty, and pleasant. She must accept my faults and not constantly be trying to change me into someone else. She also needs to be as loyal to me as I am to her. Should we have a disagreement, she needs to be able to discuss it without yelling. she must not be an arrogant bitch. Physically, I like somenone pleasant to look at, though not necessarily a raving beauty. My wife possesses most of these qualities.

-TDOM

PrairieLark brings up one of the most important but also most neglected traits that men value in women: sincerity.

The most attractive thing is GENUINE KINDNESS. Not the syrupy fake kindness that so many women are able to project with a pearly white smile and fake small-talk. I’m talking about a woman who actually likes you as a person, takes an interest in you, and is nice and kind to you.

Don’t think I’m talking about the cashier that smiles at you and makes small talk. I know when a woman genuinely likes me and when she is putting on some routine. I have had girlfriends that did not even return my phone calls or emails. It would be nice to have a girlfriend that actually cared enough about you to call you or email you just to see how you were doing, without some hidden motive like they want you for money or sex or they want you to assuage their own loneliness.

-PrairieLark

Again, honesty, sincerity, and kindness are important to men:

WARMTH! I’m not just talking about a cheery attitude. I’m talking about warmth that springs from a woman who not only likes you but likes men in general. Allow me to clarify: a woman who appreciates and loves men. You’ll know such women when you encounter them.

-MacArthur Of The MRM

Justus’ wife is not only attractive, but has impeccable taste:

My wife introduced me to the Spearhead. I don’t know anything more attractive in a woman than that.

-Justus

3Dshooter revives a concept foreign to today’s young women: Honor.

True beauty requires honesty, integrity and honor, someone who is comfortable with who they are without regard to the hand that nature has dealt them. They need to be truly affectionate and not use their sexuality in relationship power-plays. One who is playful, yet contemplative; silly yet open to broad discussion; discrete when society requires it but will jump your bones in the back yard on a nice summer night.

-3DShooter

Like PhakeNaim, I’ve found myself attracted to granola-type girls before (provided they bathe regularly):

I’ve always had a fondness for hippie chicks. I wasn’t alive back during the sixties, but I like the girls who carry on the hippie vibe these days. I like the loose clothes they wear, how they wear their hair naturally and freely, their lack of hair grooming (yeah, I like hairy chicks). Basically, I like a free thinker. It doesn’t mean we have to agree on everything, in fact I prefer her to stick to her beliefs… as long as they’re not too outlandish. A girl who wears glasses wouldn’t be bad either.

Someone who likes to make things, whether it’s her own clothes or jewelry or beads or whatever. Someone who isn’t afraid to do her own thing and doesn’t give a shit what the rest of herd thinks. Someone who doesn’t abuse their body with drugs or alcohol or cigarettes.

I don’t know… the hottest chicks I’ve seen have been at the Community Food Co-Op or Farmer’s Market. Just my two cents.

-PhakeNaim

Red’s comment could have been a post of its own, and now it is (Read it here). I chose the most poignant passages for display below:

Wow, where to start. I’ve always admired a quality in women that could be described as grace. To me female grace would imply a woman who is not selfish and will forfeit the spoils of good graces from men in the name of the higher ideal of reciprocal obligation, truth, respect, honor and responsibility, a tepid trepidation toward the receiving excesses to suit her selfish and self centered desires.

A woman who is capable of nurturing, selflessness, empathy and who is giving only opens up the door for me to bestow my honor upon her. Someone who likes children, animals and nature.

[...]

I simply want a woman who is not selfish and self centered as so many have become now in character and by law. I want a woman who respects sexuality and could only wish that sex did not play such a public and promiscuous role in her interactions with men in society and as now a part of her public identity. In essence someone who does not believe that females should be “sex objects”.

-Red0660

Alkaline proves that men are far from shallow, and can appreciate a lot more than one standard type:

I would have to say femininity is what I find most attractive. However, I find that my definition of it often varies between women. I have found the “tomboy” type attractive among some females (so long as they also have a sense of humor and a lack of drilled-in hostility towards men, that is) – my current girlfriend is athletic (and more logical and realistic than me), but also has the same dark sarcastic sense of humor I have; yet somehow she’s very, very female with it all, from my POV. It’s a nice combination for me. With other women I find the more “traditional” type of femininity attractive – I’m thinking of one girl I know who wears dresses/makeup/etc, but much more importantly has that certain kind of delicate grace that would make her beautiful wearing a potato sack.

-Alkaline

TMOTS explains that although guys value appearance, a pretty face alone isn’t close to enough:

Obviously initial attractiveness is key – it’s what starts the ball rolling so-to-speak. For if you do not find a woman attractive, the ‘game’ stops there.

The real test is when you find a woman that is attractive internally as well. That is to say morally, fair minded, responsible, not afraid to take responsibility for her faults, respectful… etc.

Many women are beautiful on the outside and worth the initial contact, but when that layer is removed (and I don’t mean the makeup), what is inside her head as well as her heart is what matters most to me.

Since I brought up makeup; women with loads of it on and designer this and that tend to be red flags to me. It tells me that they are either neurotic with self esteem issues or they believe that it makes them somehow prettier when in reality it is a faux front of who they really are. A beautiful woman is a woman that can remove the makeup and still appear naturally pretty…Then backs it up with a pretty inside, for lack of a better phrase.

-TMOTS

I hope this was edifying for our readers. Men are far more complex and discriminating than popular culture would indicate; above all, they want good women in their lives. Is that too much for men to ask?

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Anon December 27, 2011 at 04:04

I actually appreciated reading this. Thats coming from a young woman. Im in my early 20′s and Id like to think I fit a lot of the criteria listed above. That being said I don’t know too many women my age that do as well. Most men would be smart to stay away from a lot women. They need to really start looking past how hot someone is and go for phsycially attractive instead because looks do fade. I would suggest they size a woman up before approaching. Eavesdrop on conversations and watch how she interacts with other people. Tells you a whole lot. Also, a lot of men tend to assume that a woman is feminine if she has mostly female friends when actually she is more likely to be the bitch they all fear. Girls that herd with other girls are the ones people need to be weary of. Hell Im afraid of them. I dont understand the group dynamics, its too on edged. Its too irrational. I can’t stand it. I think if men looked for attractive women that had mostly male friends, or a smaller group of female friends they would be right on track. It seems like all it takes is one bad apple to spoil a whole group of otherwise good women.

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Mel January 21, 2012 at 22:55

I’m 20 years old – just in response to the comment above, some women (when younger… I guess 22 or under) herd with groups of other women not for any bad/scary reason, but because they’re shy around men. Some women just click really well with guys. I’m an example of shy around men… I just can’t act 100% normally around men unless they get to know me well and are voluntarily outgoing with me for a few times… being shy is really a disadvantage. But understand that some women truly are, and are very charming and kind when you get to know them! Just throwing this out there.

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Cris May 14, 2013 at 12:22

This is a very interesting read. But just to comment to the article, including the comments. I think it’s very common for emotionally intelligible people to want to find genuinely good qualities in their partners. I also feel like being vain and the aesthetics of being young obviously factors in how we perceive each other; how we dress is like a mating call. We dress a certain way because we like it and most likely we would want to attract people who has similar taste in us.

As a young female I would also prefer a man with honor, integrity, genuine kindness and some assertion of confidence and responsibility. And because he’s a male I feel it’s important for him to have a strong stride in his walk. I don’t think men and women much of a different criteria for their spouses. It’s very animal instinct-lly of us to look at the appearance of people to sense if we’d be attracted to them, it shows commonality. But being emotionally sufficient for one another is something all humans look for, so we all probably like each other more than we think.

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Jon June 1, 2013 at 02:02

The way some of the men have described what ideal women are to them is off putting. Generalising or labeling women “arrogant bitch” and “selfish and self centered as so many have become now in character and by law” sounds awful.

But then you link to rather anti-women websites so maybe I shouldn’t be too upset.

As a man, I was hoping for a male site that would be pro-male and pro-female and definitely not anti-female, which I sense there is a heavy flavour in. I shall keep looking.

But maybe if you wanted more male readers you might want to ease up on some of that negativity. Not all men are like that.

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belinda August 6, 2013 at 19:01

Nice to see that this www is fast friendlier than one I views a week ago.whoever these bloggers were should read this www because they carry a very narrow steriotype of the opposite sex.I know ill be howled down but im 45 I’ve lived and im happy to admit im guilty of steriotyping men.reading these I dont have to rush out and do anything to speed up my hair growing(stress people made it fall out) im naturally attractive from what I read here.so whats next?im going to make my costumes and stay healthy and enjoy waiting for my hair to grow back.13cms down 13to go!:)

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No August 17, 2013 at 21:07

Gosh this sucks to be me then… I’m nothing like this. I’ve got a bad attitude, but it’s who I am so it wont change. What, no one likes the smart girl with very strong opinions? Ok then.

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anon December 23, 2013 at 19:59

Good to know this. I do lose some hope sometimes, since it appears so many males enjoy the extremely promiscuous female. It must be the same way good men feel; as you know, woman who turn to bad men for love. Curse the primitive desires in humans.

Truly a shame many females have become the way of the generic seductress similar to the ones in movies and shows. Females can be caring, sincere and intelligent, open minded and proactive all at once but it appears this is not being taught very well. Look no further than the mass media with brazen depictions of how females should act.

Current British period dramas have some great female characters who don’t hate males and are sincere but can stand their own ground. I wish American TV shows would display this same category of characters. Maybe it would help the sheeple.

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