The transition of video games from a niche hobby to a mainstream pastime that occurred in the past decade has wallpapered over many of the more sordid realities of the gaming community. It’s not a stretch to say that most hardcore gamers are nerds, and while not all manginas are nerds, almost all nerds are manginas. Remember the brouhaha over Pro-Male/Anti-Feminist Tech’s science fiction article back in October? The hordes of sniveling dweeboids who screamed bloody murder over his piece on blogs, forums, and The Spearhead’s own comment section were doing what they do best – kissing the tails of the less-fair sex in vain hope of a little tail being tossed their way. Your average gamer is a servile sack of snot who will roll over and beg for a woman who so much as brushes him in the hallway.
In that context, this new service which charges men to play online games with women is not surprising in the least:
What if you could pay a bit of cash to play Modern Warfare with an attractive girl? Or maybe relax with a casual game of checkers while you video chat with said female? A new social service launching tomorrow, March 23, called GameCrush (www.GameCrush.com) is hoping there are gamers out there willing to pay for the opportunity to play with girls.
On GameCrush, guys are Players and girls are PlayDates. Players pay to play and PlayDates get paid to play. Guys can browse PlayDate profiles (there are currently around 1,200), view photos, and even chat with girls for free.
For $8.25 you get 500 credits, which is enough for one game (400 credits) and a 100 credit tip at the end. An Xbox Live game will last 10 minutes, while a casual Flash game will get you six minutes of face time with your PlayDate.
“PlayDates” is quite appropriate, since the dorks who sign up for GameCrush are basically paying women like prostitutes, but without the sex. It’s like phone sex but just as pricey and only half as retarded.
GameCrush says it modeled its pricing structure after the cost of buying a girl a drink at a bar. In a bar, you’re basically buying the opportunity to chat a girl up. GameCrush is hoping players will look at their service the same way.
Yeah, and how often does buying a drink for a girl work when it comes to getting some? This is an even dumber idea, because while the chick you bought a jello shot for is right in front of you (thus making sex possible, if improbable), given the global nature of the Internet and online gaming, there’s a very good chance that the chick you just paid to kick your ass in Halo 3 isn’t even in your time zone. Add in the fact that online dating sites are already Weißwurst parties, and you’ve got a recipe for continued blue balls.
During an early demo of the service I played a couple casual games with PlayDate Ambibambi23. She was a nice girl (and totally kicked my ass in both pool and Battleship, btw) but her boyfriend was hanging out behind her and she made mention of him a couple times. Her game mood is set to “flirty,” but there was zero flirting going on.
To normal men, the above scenario might sound lame. But to nerdy beta uber-gamers, who are likely the same group who get their rocks off to cuckoldry porn, this sort of thing is probably quite arousing.
I could go on and on, but to summarize, GameCrush is a ludicrous scam designed to bilk fools out of their hard-earned dollars in order to give them the opportunity to waste time with girls who will never so much as touch their joysticks. In other words, it will be a massive hit among gamers.
Thanks to Advocatus Diaboli (visit his blog) for the Facebook tip.
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Ferdinand Bardamu doesn’t pay unless there’s a guaranteed chance of play. He blogs at In Mala Fide. You can friend him on Facebook here and follow him on Twitter here.
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I’m not sure exactly why but this website is loading incredibly slow for me. Is anyone else having this issue or is it a problem on my end? I’ll check back later on and see if the problem still exists.
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