Are Women Lightweight?

[This post submitted by codebuster]

What does Game tell us about the psychology of women? Why is an alpha bad-boy most likely to get the gal? Let’s take a peek. But first, let’s establish the basis why women think differently to men, because it is not in the genes.

Introduction to the basic theory

A woman can never be attracted to a man if she perceives him either as less than her or, worse, equal with her. Why is this? It is because being provided for is a woman’s birthright. And the provider/provided for roles are about much more than just money. They represent very different states of mind. Parents provide for their children, boys and girls, up until they come of age. But where the boy is encouraged early on in his life to learn to stand on his own two feet, the girl is not. The girl unconditionally enjoys an entitlement to being provided for, and she is reminded of this whenever she is provided with the soft options, whenever anyone steps in to protect her from the nasty world outside. A girl carries with her the expectation of this entitlement through to adulthood, marriage, and into old age, and it is reinforced in the politics of affirmative action and VAWA.

It’s not in the genes.

But these sorts of entitlements come with costs. Entitlement-thinking is impulsive and compulsive thinking. It encourages indulgence and discourages rationality. I want. Gimme gimme gimme. Me, I, me, me, I want, I need, I hurt, gimme gimme gimme. What a woman has never learned to confront and control she instead learns to avoid. She learns inadequacy and dependency, and she learns to look up to those who are more capable than her. She cannot avoid this. It is an emotional reaction over which she has little control. She is unable to resist the type of man that fits the sort of profile she values and respects. And as Steve Moxon (author of the Women Racket) once pointed out in an online forum, men fall in love, women fall in respect.

Yes, that’s right. Even with bad-boy bikers and musicians, ‘respect’ is the crucial component behind ‘dangerous’. ‘Dangerous’ provides that spicy thrill that combines fear with excitement to give a lady the tingles.

If a man is unable to deliver on respect, he misses out altogether on that wetting-her-panties enthusiasm that yearns “Here I am! Here I am! Talk to me!” If he fails to impress, he’ll never see that flick of her hair as she glances back to see if he’s noticed her.

Clearly, women have different notions to men as to what constitutes respectably, but that’s a topic beyond the scope of this essay.

Entitlement and the flight response

When a woman is confronted with a situation, avoidance becomes fear and an impulsive retreat from the situation is her first instinct. While it may be true that women often ‘play’ hard-to-get exactly as instructed in rule books written by dating ‘experts’, it is also true that women spook easily, and being hard-to-get is often less a strategy than it is a reflex, a flight response, a manifestation of women’s proclivity to avoidance.

Women jump to conclusions, reading more into situations that more rational minds would be inclined to leave undefined. They have trouble making up their minds and committing to a course of action, and would rather flee a situation than deal with it head on. Whether as deliberate strategy or as instinctive flight response, playing hard-to-get ultimately taps into the psyche of the entitled, for whom an escape route, a way out, is just another entitlement. If women find a situation too stressful, they freak and head for the hills. Why? Because the entitlement mentality that they’ve enjoyed since childhood has never taught them to confront the situations that are important to them. This is why even the most attractive women, women you’d think can do better, can sometimes finish up settling for wealthy but hunch-backed gnomes or ‘financially secure’ but sniveling gollums. But hey, why look a gift-provider in the mouth? Why work yourself up in anticipation over a handsome, successful dude who can leave you for another woman, when you can be provided for for the rest of your life by a predictable non-descript who is at least financially secure? For a man, looks can help, but looks can be quite incidental to the ultimate priorities that many women value.

Let’s pause a moment here. Does evolutionary psychology (EP) help us in understanding any of this? Of course it doesn’t. No amount of referencing on the topic of hunter-gatherers on the savannah from the Pleistocene era sheds any light whatsoever on what motivates women and men. What does shed light on all of this is context (associative learning, conditioning, Pavlov’s dog).

The things that a woman has learned throughout her life come to bear on her impulses, her choices and her flight response. A pampered princess learns that she will always be served, and that this is her entitlement where the only requirement of her is, certainly as far as contemporary western women are concerned, to turn up. There is no onus on her to bear responsibility either for her choices or the outcome.

But it has not always been this way. There was a time, not all that long ago, when women were also held accountable, when they also had their own responsibilities, when they too were judged in accordance with the choices they made. Back in a not-so-distant past, when a woman chose a knucklehead, there was perfect justification for everyone else to conclude that she too must be a knucklehead-equivalent… a slut, a bimbo, or just a really dumb doormat.

The importance of social proof

Notice how women work themselves into a lather about things, arbitrary things, that for one reason or another are noticed, become an issue and go on to become the focus of their collective attentions. It’s all in the spirit of jumping to conclusions – if you have limited information, just accept as given that which everyone else accepts. And, true to form, they’ll come to a consensus about some dude in the office, work themselves into a lather and decide that he’s ‘hot’. They’ll wet their panties, falling over themselves vying for his attention. It’s a collective feeding-frenzy thing, rarely related to logic or fact. It’s as arbitrary as the weather and as predictable as the winning number in a lottery. Brad Pitt? George Clooney? Yeah, ok… but I think this Clooney/Pitt cliché has more to do with lather and froth than with better, taller, more handsome, more formidable. Nothing beats the social proof of publicity and fame and the self-indulgence of women working themselves into a lather.

Ever notice how women are drawn to your vicinity when you are accompanied by an attractive woman? A man might be forgiven for muttering under his breath, “I’m with her standing alongside me, you dumb fuck, leave us alone.” This is social proof in action. It’s the lament of many a man that it’s either a drought or a flood. Success breeds success, and this applies more so to women than anything else. If you are on your own, if you’re down on your luck, regardless of your potential, regardless of your courage and natural charisma, you can forget the flood, and it is more likely the drought with which you will be most acquainted. Social proof. It is perhaps the most essential component of context.

The importance of context

Here’s something that you can’t learn from the hunter-gatherers of the Pleistocene era. First, let’s consider ‘traditional’ women outside of the Anglosphere. Do we know why providing a woman with gifts used to be so effective? Do we know why taking a woman to fancy restaurants with ambience and atmosphere used to win her over? Of course these practices don’t work as well as they used to, because they can create a context that makes the modern woman uncomfortable – too much anticipation, too much angst, so much to be responsible for. So let’s fast-forward to today’s zeitgeist. Do we know why single women are attracted to married men? Do we know why married women like to make out with strangers? Do we know why married women like to fantasize about being raped, or why single women like to fantasize romance with George Clooney or Brad Pitt?

Let’s put this into more tangible terms. Context is what grabs a woman. Let’s go back to our restaurant example, even if it is a bit out of date, because restaurants are all about creating context. I remember one of my first jobs after graduating, taking a client to an expenses-paid fancy restaurant in London and immersing myself in the context of it all, the view through the windows from high up to the bright lights of the city below. I remember thinking to myself… “hmmm, I can dig this. I like this job.” After the initial exposure, though, eating at fine restaurants was not a big deal, because for a man, with his identity defined by his success, fine restaurants are just a part of the job and the routine. A man is in control of the contexts he creates, and therefore he is not so easily impressed by them.

But think of the same situation from the perspective of a woman that you are taking on a date. She’s not really into you, at first, but once you’ve had the opportunity to have her taste a context, a sense of what you stand for, you’ve put yourself in the position of changing her mind. Whether she prefers the humble context of a cozy restaurant with intimacy and atmosphere, or the more flash surrounds with celebrity, bright lights, status, connections and happenings, if you get the context right, she’s as good as hooked. She thinks to herself, “hmmm, I can dig this. He’s not my type, but I like this context. I like meeting his friends. I like the package.” Because she’s not in control of the context, she’s less likely to understand it, and she’ll be more easily impressed by it. And you’ve passed first base.

Of course, you could still blow it, especially if you come across as a needy wuss who is eager to provide her with a free lunch, no strings attached. Why? Because you’ve jinxed the context. You no longer fit with the context as a success. The success-context that has been so important in the lead-up no longer applies. But if you stay consistent with the context, you should have no problem.

Same with sex with married men. Married men provide a context. They have assets, a luxurious mansion and exotic cars. They represent a package. They have family, wife, kids, a package that spells ‘influence’ and ‘success’… and of course, social proof, because somebody ‘loves’ them. For many women, a married man may be out of bounds… but not necessarily uninteresting. But for other women, a man’s marriage is the only kind of social proof that they can take with them to the bank. A married man is dangerous, and the context that he represents is addictive. There are risks associated with getting involved with a married man, and this provides some of that spice that suites many women just fine.

Same with sex with strangers… a new kind of context, a new kind of package. The thrill of illicit sex is the thrill of the forbidden, and this alleviates the boredom for many a novelty-seeking woman who is tired of her stale relationship with predictable Joe Sixpack. Illicit sex with a dangerous, bad-boy rock star bears no comparison to illicit sex with a bespectacled nerd with a whiney voice. Illicit sex with a bespectacled nerd sounds too much like pity or charity to get a woman’s rocks off, but illicit sex that meets all the standards of a rape fantasy works a treat.

Same if you own a yacht. A cynical woman wanting a free ride and boasting-credits enters your lair, and for all her wariness, for all her clever cynicism, depending on how you play the context and how comfortable you can make her feel, a part of her begins to yield. What accounts for this? Context. You work your magic and you change her mind. You do this by applying the laws of context.

Of course you can still blow it all… women these days are propositioned all the time and if the context you create is one of a needy wuss who is just trying to impress her, you will likely fail. Own your yacht, own yourself, allowing for the odds that she has her own self-indulgent agenda, and you’ll be fine. And you’ll never be disappointed.

Gifts, diamonds, trips, it’s all about creating context. It’s all about spinning a web that draws her in, that a woman can call home – or at least, in our current zeitgeist, an entertaining diversion. The key to context is that it plays on a woman’s subconscious motivations. It develops over time and as she immerses herself into your world, your friends and the way to do things, she becomes addicted to this context, she becomes addicted to you. Even a hunch-backed gnome, if he can create a compelling enough context, can become an integral part of something of which she cannot let go. Even a hunch-backed gnome can own a label, he can stand for something, he can deliver on a context. And a powerful context can move even the tennest of tens.

A bum without a brass razoo to his name can create a powerful context that can draw a woman into his orbit. A freedom-fighter, a rebel with a cause has been known to inspire the odd romantic fantasy. Sometimes women misconstrue bad-boys for rebels with a cause, so it’s not necessarily always about danger and rape fantasies. What it is all about is context. EP does not shed any light on how context works.

I’m not passing any value judgment here. This is just the way it is, it is how nature works. If I have any value judgment to make, it is the responsibility that contemporary women fail to take for the choices that they make. Women (feminists excepting) are not stupid. They know what they want, and they usually have a pretty good sense of what they are about to enter into.

So let’s review what we know about game, and apply our preceding discussion on context and entitlement to understand why game works.

Why game works

The three main reasons that first come to mind (no doubt, there are others) all tap into the avoidance and flight responses that cannot be separated from a woman’s learned sense of entitlement:

1. He owns himself. He does not expect much of her. Mocking, teasing and making fun of her, all in a good-natured kind of way of course, is integral to defusing her expectations. This defuses her self-consciousness and her feelings of inadequacy. It tells her, “honey, your jip is up… I’m not intimidated by your looks, I know you’re kinda dumb, but I like you anyways, just as you are.” She no longer feels that she has to live up to any expectations, and this relieves the pressure;
2. His assumed confidence controls her low self-esteem and her inability to act decisively. She is relieved of the terror of decision-making and confrontation;
3. Her low self-esteem implies something important about the reality that she inhabits. More specifically, if someone comes across as ‘valuing’ her, or seeing her as an equal, she is likely to assume that there is something deficient in that person for doing so. It’s a woman’s interpretation of Groucho Marx’s famous quip “I wouldn’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member.”

Brief note to the above… do women really have low self-esteem? Of course they do. I’m not talking about their deluded princess arrogance that is fed on a daily basis by chivalry and feminist propaganda. I’m talking about their real self-esteem, the one that they deny, lying just under the surface, the one that shrivels up when tested by reality. This is the approval-seeking self-esteem that makes them an easy target for the manipulations of PUAs (pick-up artist).

There are many layers that can be explored here, and as we look deeper, we realize that there are troubling aspects in the dynamics that hold sway between modern women and alphas:

• To begin with, imagine a man behaving as a woman in response to being mocked, teased and made fun of. What a loser, eh? And yet, women eat it up. They love being treated like children. Why? Because it consolidates their lower position on the pecking order. It resonates with a woman’s entitlement to be provided for and a man’s role as the successful provider;
• What’s the significance of the fact that only if you don’t expect much of a woman (that is, if you don’t respect her), only then are you most likely to have your way with her? Weren’t women only a couple of generations ago concerned about whether or not they’ll be respected in the morning? These days, it seems that the absence of respect for women is virtually the only thing that will guarantee your success with women.

An aspiring PUA’s most essential first lesson, then, is to realize that every woman is, deep down inside, little different to most moms. He’s got to learn to humor them and baby them. The vast majority of women, if they can look beyond their narcissistic, career-grrrl delusions, are just moms-in-waiting with motherly priorities and a ticking clock fast approaching midnight. If he knows which buttons to push to set his own mother off, our aspiring PUA will be well-enough equipped, in the first instance, to learn Game.

Female sexuality explained

Now that we’ve introduced the basic elements of female entitlement and why context is so important, let’s take a brief, introductory look at what this implies for female sexuality. A common assumption is that women have a diminished sex drive, virtually non-existent. Nothing can be further from the truth. For example, Rookh Kshatriya observed that “… the female sex drive is so miniscule compared to that of males”, to which the following two paragraphs is the gist of my response to this line of reasoning.

Most of us have heard of the Islamic saying ‘nine parts of desire’. Quoting Ali Ibn Abu Taleb (founder of the Shiite sect of Islam and also the husband of Mohammed’s daughter, Fatima), “Almighty God created sexual desire in ten parts; then he gave nine parts to women and one to men.”

Here’s my take on the reason why women’s nine parts of desire go unnoticed. It’s because women, traditionally, are shielded and protected from birth through to infancy through to adulthood through to old age, and therefore (‘traditionally’ speaking) they are rarely put into the position of having to test their sexuality, to explore it. So they go through their shielded lives never knowing their true selves… they are in a perpetual state of virginal babyhood. But once they discover their own little secret, oftentimes there is no turning back, and this gives us a sense of where chivalry, and the impulse to ‘save’ a damsel in distress comes from… she needs to be saved from herself.

What manifests as low sex drive is, in reality, untested sex drive. Many women, preoccupied with the priority of being provided for, have no idea of the nature of the beast that lurks within.

So what’s the gist of female sexuality? Anais Nin contends that violation is a secret erotic need in women. What does this mean? It seems to conjure up conflicting concepts relating to the forbidden, and the fear of the unknown. Think of women’s proclivity to indulge in rape fantasies. And immediately in this we see the potential for one part vocally, consciously, insisting NO, but another part secretly, hesitantly, yearning for YES. This is the gist of Nin’s contention that is played out in her stories. It is also a dynamic played out in romance novels.

Think about the forbidden for a moment, if you will. Every culture has it. And so I am talking about something primal, something that cuts across all cultures. Why? Because the forbidden is defined by culture. Sure, there are different forbiddens in every culture, but ultimately the most primal thing across all cultures is this notion of no-go zones, the notion of the forbidden. Anais Nin captures the essence of these notions in her writings, without spelling it out. If women are inclined to safe, predictable lives where routine defines security and a life worth living, it is this primal thrill of the forbidden that lurks in the shadows, an ever-present uncertainty that a fine lady of impeccable breeding might lower her guard to discover the depraved beast within.

Porn star Sasha Grey is interesting because she brings some credible analysis to the matter of women’s roles in pornography. She seems to be better able than most women to analyze things from a more tangible perspective that others can better understand – I’m deliberately avoiding value judgments here, we’re here to learn, not judge… right? She’s ventured beyond the forbidden, and her journey is not yet over. Were any other woman also to go there, they might discover things they could never have imagined and they would be justified in being concerned whether or not there was a way back.

Female sexuality is not trivial. Just like male sexuality, female sexuality must also contend with the forces of darkness. Women of entitlement, oftentimes even those that behave like complete sluts, can be entirely oblivious to their sexuality and its more formidable aspects. The ‘lie back and think of Mother England’ type is alive and well, and this type you’ll encounter in places as varied as strip joints and HR departments. Don’t let this type fool you. They may be completely ignorant of their most primal natures, but there are many others who prefer to keep what they know to themselves. All this is fascinating stuff that is beyond the scope of this essay, so let’s wrap up for now.

The future of Game

Included among the practitioners of Game is an assortment of pretenders and mommas’ boys, who wouldn’t last long in a bloodlust society ruled by warlords. They would have their heads lobbed off long before they would be cast out and laughed into the surrounding desert.

It raises concerns about modern society that men (of the PUA school) would be motivated to learn techniques to pick up women. While the motivations for developing Game vary from casual sex through to strengthening existing long term relationships (hence the acronym ‘LTR’), it seems that we’ve lost sight of the purpose and meaning of manhood.

It is not the purpose of men to be trying to measure up in the eyes of women – not as nature intended, anyways. But it seems that this is the only way that most contemporary manifestations of Game can be interpreted. Game is about pleasing women, and measuring up to their terms – yet avoiding being seen to be seeking their approval. It’s a fine balancing act, a deception that conceals a shortfall. And I’m not so sure that I’d care to measure up in the eyes of those predisposed to believing that astrology is science or that social proof establishes character.

This sad indictment of modern society extends to women. For ultimately, Game, in its mainstream, marketed form, would not work if women were not so shallow, self-indulgent, predictable and so easily manipulated.

In other cultures from other times, boys often underwent challenging initiation programs to establish their coming of age into manhood. That was the test of a man, not whether he had an soh (sense of humor) or passed an assortment of popularity tests. Men do need to learn about things like courage and honor… not the smash-face variety of the thugs that attract the sluts and the bimbos, but the more formidable variety that resonates with something more profound.

Game is useful. It works. It provides a true test of how men and women think in very different ways. But we should see it as a stepping-stone. May we move on to the next stage, towards a higher plane of evolutionary development.

CONCLUSION

EP sheds no light whatsoever on how men and women think. It sheds no light whatsoever on the motivations, fears or desires of men and women. Its sole insight is the neo-Darwinian interpretation of natural and sexual selection. Natural/ sexual selection is an important dynamic that operates in any ecosystem, and whilst it is certainly not a trivial force of nature, it doesn’t really help us to understand how men and women think.

Are women ‘lightweight’? It’s probably not too different to asking if men are ‘evil’. If we consider that women enjoy entitlement privileges that no longer require them to take responsibility for the choices that they make, then of course, women are lightweight. But what about the men who accept this absurdly unfair situation? What about the men who persist with chivalry and their role as provider chumps in the face of all this injustice? In a culture where one sex is lightweight, it thus follows that so too is the other. For the reality is that men and women deserve each other, and ‘lightweight’ is the common ground that they share. It is the common ground that allows absurdity to feed absurdity.

A popular myth is that men are so predictable because they think with their dicks. But the reality is quite the opposite. When you understand how context works, then you can better appreciate that it is women who are more predictable, more easily corralled into a desired outcome. The idea that men think with their dicks is an assumption, and that’s all it is. Whilst it is an assumption that has force in the current zeitgeist, because men have allowed it, the reality is that men who do not subscribe to this zeitgeist often find themselves in the position of trying to reassure some dingbat that she’s misread his cues, and that he really has no intentions on her.

Understanding context is the key to understanding how and why Game works so well. EP provides nothing of the sort.

Tagged as: evolutionary psychology