Once we drift further and further from the hard, undeniable addictions we get into the realm of more nebulous cases of so-called addiction, such as porn addiction, video game addiction, sex addiction, etc. There is certainly a psychological component to these forms of compulsive behavior, but there is no alteration of the brain’s natural chemistry with exogenous substances, such as cocaine, ethanol, nicotine, and others too numerous to list. In my opinion, the term “addiction” ought only to be appled to the latter. Other forms of behavior would be more properly termed “compulsions,” which are definitely a characteristic of addiction, but do not exactly equate.
Compulsions are not always a bad thing. In fact, we often feel compelled to do things that end up benefiting us throughout our lives. They are a necessary part of our psychological makeup, and a large part of what keeps us ticking throughout the years. It is, however, easy for clever people to manipulate compulsions, and make a lot of money by doing so. Hence we find that Blizzard Entertainment is raking in money by selling World of Warcraft to compulsive gamers, certain individuals grow very wealthy off porn sales, and women are generally enticed into shopping sprees everywhere one looks.
A sexual compulsion is probably one of the most natural of all. Without it, after all, the human species would be in the same boat as the panda bear, which evidently has a very low interest in mating. People, and the young in particular, do not require very much manipulation to engage in sex. In fact, it has always required a great deal of conditioning to get them to avoid having sex in inappropriate circumstances. This has generally been understood throughout the ages as a timeless reality.
But not so anymore. Recently news reports that Tiger Woods has entered a sexual addiction treatment center – the Pine Grove Behavioral Health & Addiction Services Center – have surfaced, adding him to the list of celebrities who have sought out sex addiction treatment. Mr. Woods, either intentionally or not, is now displaying himself as a victim of an “addiction” over which he has no control — an addiction he needs “treatment” for. No, it isn’t that a young, healthy man let his success go to his head; it is that he suffers from some disease if you believe it, and the good people in Pine Grove are there to make him get better.
The sex addict treatment regime at Pine Grove appears to be fairly onerous, consisting of constant monitoring, being locked in, and a prohibition of any kind of sexual activity at all, including masturbation. There are also daily psychological evaluations and counseling – ordeals in and of themselves – and activities that don’t sound all that appealing. The treatment lasts some six weeks.
For the therapists and owners of these centers, getting a patient like Tiger Woods must be something of a bonanza. This is becoming a real industry with a substantial amount of income, and threatens to spread out to the wider population, as so many of these fads do. This is really where the problem lies.
Woods himself probably knows that sex addiction treatment is a waste of time, but in all likelihood it was inserted into an intra-marital agreement (similar to a prenup, but written during the marriage rather than before) by his vengeful wife. Just as DV treatment, substance abuse treatment, anger management, psychological treatment and various other evaluations and regimes can be forced by the party with the upper hand – that is, the party that will win custody, which is almost always the woman – now we can add sex addiction treatment to that list.
Along with their attorneys, angry wives and ex-wives can make men jump through all sorts of hoops to see their children. Men rarely have the power to do the same, and even when they do they tend not to make full use of this power as women do. Perhaps this has something to do with the different nature of the sexes, but it probably is also a result of caution on men’s part as the last thing they want to do is appear “vengeful” or “abusive” in front of notoriously feminist judges and commissioners, whereas women need not restrain themselves.
So I can pretty much guarantee that if sex addiction treatment becomes widely accepted, it will soon become part of the divorce industry, and it will be overwhelmingly men who are subjected to it. Certainly, adultery is just as common amongst women as men (it takes one of each to consummate an adulterous coupling, after all), but there is no way that – barring work in the “sex industry” – women will be ordered to attend sex addiction treatment at anywhere near the frequency men will.
If we lived in a practical society with some sense of decency, adultery would be seen for the moral failure and betrayal of one’s spouse that it is. Those betrayed by their spouses, ultimately, should have two choices: forgive or divorce. If forgiveness is the choice, legally enforced punishment should be off the table. Divorce, as many of us know, is punishment enough. There is no need to add one more tool to wives’ already overflowing arsenal of legal weapons, nor should we give them more incentives to abuse family law to punish their husbands.
Subscribe to The Spearhead Newsletter for a free copy of the Book of Zed
{ 69 comments… read them below or add one }
I agree. Addiction is overused and mal-used. Doing what you like to do is not an addiction.
Therapy is what happens when one gets caught.
In a secularized America, therapy substitutes for religious penance. It fulfills in some a social need to alleviate their guilt and what the aggrieved feel a compelling need to punish.
This is a terrible move for his public image. He endorses products aimed at men, and he looks weak and dumb doing this. “I had to do it for my kids” is a poor excuse. The damage is already done and he would set a much better example for his kids by manning up. On the other hand if parental alienation is threatened, as it probably is, maybe he is willing to sacrifice his dignity and his earning ability so his kids don’t hate him even more.
I can’t believe his wife didn’t display some evidence of being a bitch before they got married. She has every right to be angry and leave but no right to use the situation to degrade and humiliate him.
How odd, that Tiger Woods requires therapy for nailing chicks,
but
Michael Jackson was not required to seek it for diddling boys.
Firepower,
Michael Jackson wasn’t required to go into therapy because he didn’t have a vengeful ex-wife sending the divorce industry and “family” court system over to descend on him.
Perhaps, but one could also say a homo-friendly media condones Jackson-like behavior.
Omega,
Few women display their bitchy tendencies before the wedding. Their true nature comes out much later. When a women gets angry, they think they have the right to do WHATEVER they want – including humiliating the man and more. And it’s not exactly like the system will stop her. Hell, they encourage this type of behavior in women.
I am almost convinced that “sex addition” is when one partner has a higher sex drive than the other and the partner with a higher sex drive is forced to lower it through expensive, embarrassing, and denigrating “therapy”.
Even Jacko’s parental rights weren’t challenged in court -amazingly – even after he was accused of child molestation.
Tiger’s “sex addiction therapy” is a sham.
No Don Juan with a wandering dick, who operates a garbage truck, goes to therapy.
Hello, my name is Jabberwocky, and I’m addicted to boobies.
Tiger Woods should never have married or had children if he had access to free women. Now that he’s done both, and his bitch has showed her true vindictive colors, he needs to cut his losses and stand up for himself. Dignity should be more important to a man than his children, because by voluntarily becoming a slave to his cunt, he will be awarded neither life, liberty or his children. Tiger is a victim of this misandric society, but I don’t feel too sorry for him. This scenario needs to happen repeatedly to millions of NAIVE men before they will wake up and demand legal changes.
i had a coach who once told me Olympians were just addicts who chose the high of winning over the high of booze/drugs. more physiologically, they chose the high of endorphins/exhaustion over booze/drugs.
Thank you, Welmer, for putting into words what’s been on my mind and no doubt on the minds of others. The term “sexual addiction,” in this case here, is the juxtaposition of two otherwise incompatible words with the intent to shift the locus of control away from what should simply be called “bad behavior.”
Don’t get me wrong. I have little doubt that porn, sex, or even (or especially?) sex performed with indiscriminate abandon on 12+ hot nightclub hostesses all provides a high reminiscent of certain forms of drug use. Sex and orgasm give a dopamine rush that’s comparable on some level to opiate use. (see here and here.) But at the same time, so does watching a gorgeous sunset or eating a hot fudge sundae! So, where does one draw the line?
To define Tiger’s behavior as an “addiction” such that it needs to be treated in a “recovery clinic” with a rigorous schedule of “therapy” and “counseling” positions his behavior with a lexicon it doesn’t deserve. While desirable, sex doesn’t produce the same physical dependency of, say, a heroin addict. Sex is very desirable; it’s not compulsive.
Tiger’s no different than any other red-blooded heterosexual male. (Well, okay, maybe he is different–such as by about a billion dollars of net worth and by my 20-point golf handicap). What I mean is that he’s no different in a physiological or brain-chemical sense. Tiger’s key difference is that his status and power have graced him with the sexual opportunity with which you or I will unlikely ever be faced–and Tiger indulged.
By checking himself into a clinic for sexual addiction recovery, Tiger shifts the responsibility or locus of control over his past indiscretions outside of himself. He, Elin, and the media can call it a tragedy that has unfortunately struck Tiger much like a random bolt of lightening or a tornado from out of nowhere. And in this way, Tiger and his industry can all go on with their lives (Elin can take Tiger back) without fully blaming Tiger–and, most importantly, without fully blaming themselves. And what might they blame themselves for? For their own failure to notice, acknowledge, or act upon Tiger’s bad behavior until the media exposed it–and thus remaining partly culpable in its endurance. For their own infatuation with the very same power and fame that tickled the ‘ginas of Tiger’s 12+ hotties. And for their desire to continue sucking at the celebrity and money teat that is “Tiger Woods.”
I can not really say that Woods or anyone else behaving that same way had an addiction to sex. What is going on here is that normal behaviour is being turned into a medical condition. Just having 10 mistresses is hardly and addiction. I for one would relish the opportunity of 10 or more mistresses . Rather than Woods being addicted I think it is the rest of us who are deprived.
I suspect a lot of normal male behaviour is being classified as a medical condition. Actually it is very threatening as we are increasingly not permitted to be ourselves.
If I had fourteen boyfriends on the side and my husband found out, I would expect he would chase me down the street with a golf club. Not saying it would be right, just saying I would expect it.
And I’d expect that he’d do hard time for that. How come Elin never so much as had to answer a single question from an investigator?
Hello, my name is Fedrz.
(***Hello, Fedrz***)
I’m addicted to smacking down feminism. I cannot stop. Whenever I see feminist cockroaches trying to leave their little cockroach turds about society, I am compelled to stomp, stomp, stomp on them.
I seek no cure.
I offer no apologies.
And I feed my addiction without abandon.
Random thoughts for the ‘high-sex-drive’ person:
It’s actually possible to raise your partners sex drive.
Since weight-lifting increases testosterone then women with guys that they want more ‘active’ should encourage it.
Guys could do this to, for that matter. It also gets women in shape far better than endless cardio. Men may stare at a woman’s chest, but they aren’t thinking “wow, what a large, well-shaped heart she has”.
read about you in the tabloids.
you must be that millionaire sports star wife
paying all the bills f
or a golddigging, starfucking hubby.
poor girl
shoulda
coulda
woulda
When you hit age 19,
you’ll become infinitely wise
… Maybe those female panda bears are all feminists – or maybe the female panda bears were successful in elimating “game”?
Actually I don’t think men (well not me anyway) want lots of sex with a single woman but lots of women to have sex with. So the idea that one woman can satisfy a man is not something I believe in at all. I see nothing wrong in what Woods did. Anyone who gets married will quickly realize that it is in fact an economic relationship. Marriage is certainly a second best – though just how bad it is only becomes apparent after a time.
Aaaaaand the only problem with Paul’s assertion is that it works solely on people who can’t add. The only way the system he describes could work is in a place like Africa, where there are many ‘Big Men’ with many wives, but social order doesn’t break down because the big men aren’t all that jealous. The big man may take a different woman to bed every night, and the other women will go off with some handsome dude from the village or the fields. And the children are mainly raised by the female collective; a different mother or home every day. Men get to sit around drinking weak local alcohol all day, women do subsistence work, and it all manages to work out quite well so long as no one forms any real attachments to anyone and the tribe isn’t destroyed by disease, war, or a bad harvest. (Or the collapse of the auto industry.)
The polygamous impulse in man is real, but not as powerful as you might think. It’s tied to testosterone, so when men hit their mid-40s T drop-off, it tends to fall away. I’m remembering that science fiction stories of the hardest Ayn Randian pioneering God-Emperor-of-my-new-Eden-with-my-concubines type are very, very, VERY popular with most men for about years 12-23 and then face a sudden drop off in influence. They tend to feed a polygamous fantasy that men stop going after once they acquire some bitter life experience. (Though the anime ‘harem comedy’ genre is what might be called a parody of what would happen if the typical hard sci-fi geek actually got his wish. The Japanese, I fear, are more realistic.)
A proper wife can be a man’s agent against the corruptions of society, since she is naturally supposed to be the one with all the social skills. The proper response to not having many wives is not ‘no such luck,’ but ‘not such a fool.’
hey firepower, i am 23 and counting, you are infinitely perceptive, NOT
those men living in hell’s kitchen in a rundown roach motel forced to fork over their home and hard earned money to their ex bitch must be WISE by your standards.
I’d rather be rich and happy than “wise” (and i am)
This is what the fields of psychology, psychiatry and pharmacy are doing with every behaviour nowadays. $$$$$$
I happen to be a proud sex addict myself.
Sorry for missing it by a whole 4 years, 3 and a half months & 12 days. The “NOT” vernacular should’ve been the hint.
Really, you’re almost out of college so there’s not much left to learn.
Those ‘shoulda-coulda-wouldas’ will serve you well
as you grow into
the senior citizen years
of your 30′s.
With your age
and maturity and stuff
one out of three
ain’t bad
firepower, are you sure you didn’t accidentally arrive here from feministing.com?
you people are far too placid and reasonable in the face of atrocious feminist tyranny. No wonder the manginas in power continue to hold power. too many people prefer their blindness even when they’ve been shown the light.
you need to start approaching this site as a battle plan for nothing short of war.
I don’t think Tiger Woods has been seen in public yet. Holing up in an isolation unit under bogus ‘addiction’ treatment is one perfect cover for keeping one’s face out of the cameras.
If you can’t tell, don’t expect me to do the work for you.
War is for gung-ho whippersnapper pups
full of piss and vinegar to fight,
under the strategy of wiser, more experienced men.
Epo your wrong. Sex with lots of women does not imply permanency but fluidity. You see the women would be having lots of sex with lots of men also.
Also as I have said before I am not so mean spirited as to begrudge more successful men their abundance even if that means my porverty. But actually I would not mind taking my chances . I don’t feel I need social rules and conformity to protect my sexual interest. I can do that for myself.
correction it should be ‘you’re wrong’. Typing in a hurry is bad policy.
Hey Firepower, Toby just called you to action! He asserts that the men’s movement just isn’t doing enough, that we are too placid and reasonable, that we need a battle plan, and that we need to stop this endless verbal circle jerk of internet activism. Where have I heard that before?
Me.
I do agree with the kid.
“shoulda-couldas” are the language of youth’s outraged activism.
As long as they have someone responsible to lead them, that is the vigor required for shock action. That’s why armies are made of them.
Not so much for strong limbs, but for strong zeal.
Welmer, I’d call this one an eagle. (I need to stop with the puns.)
By calling every indulged negative impulse an addiction, people do three things: they whitewash the true ugliness that is addiction (much as with “rape”), they shift the blame from the actor to the thing itself, and they strip the actor (and others like him) of dignity and power.
Much as people hate the word “sin”, it does have an element of implied control to the human being. The concept of “sin” is a tremendously empowering one, if you look at it that way. But a feminized, Marxist society doesn’t want empowered people; it wants perpetual children…
Oh, and yes, the increasing popularity of sex-addiction treatment is definitely a new arrow in the quiver of feminism, not just because it infantilizes people, but because of the potential it has as extortion.
That’s why women are in the military. Strong zeal.
I don’t know if “zeal” is Canadian for “pussy”
but if you want to fight a war
with old perfumed, salon philosophers
make my millenium
I think most men fancy sex with as many different sexy women as possible, as often as possible. After all, if we relied on female desire alone there probably would be no population. Woods had opportunity and used it. I personally think his wife should be called to account for domestic violence and Woods declare himself ready for yet MORE action on the side. He has LET MEN DOWN by subscribing to this sex addiction rubbish and letting wifie evade battery and assault charges(they say no evidence but I dont believe it). Anyway, imagine getting married when you have a big C tattooed across your forehead. You know how women react to celebrities. Maybe he was in LOVE-wanted children-who knows. All this pathetic self -flagellation though!!!!!!!!!wake up TIGER.
I’d like to make one point here regarding the Tiger Woods case that nobody I’ve seen anywhere make:
The feminist industrial complex has belabored to push the idea that a wife has no obligation or duty to have sex with her husband….and that a husband who expects it from her and pressures his wife to have sex is guilty of committing “marital rape.”
In other words, the feminists, through indoctrination of the female consciousness, have created a “celibacy trap” in marriage 2.0.
A husband has no right to demand, expect or require sex from his wife.
She has no obligation to satisfy his sexual needs.
BUT…if she cuts him off, and he seeks relief elsewhere…than he’s a deviant addict who deserves to be divorced, forced into “addiction” treatment, have his kids taken away and forking over a large sum of his earnings.
This is all a bunch of shit.
Anyone care to bet on the likelihood that once Mrs. Woods popped out a kid, she stopped putting out to Mr. Woods?
A married woman that truly doesn’t want to find herself in the position of being the “cheated on” woman, ESPECIALLY knowing she was married to a high sex drive man who is a high profile celebrity for which women willingly throw themselves at him on a regular basis, could EASILY make sure he doesn’t have the energy to go out and bang other women.
Mrs. Woods could have easily taken matters into her own hands (or mouth or any of her other orifices) and made sure that Tiger NEVER left their house without first draining his balls of their contents.
Women fail to comprehend the power of the male sex drive.
A healthy man with a normal sex drive is horny 90% of his waking life. That other 10% of the time when he’s not? It’s cause he’s already drained his blue balls and his body is busy recharging.
Any wife that keeps the balls of her high profile, highly desired husband drained, is one who makes it far less likely she’s going to end up being the victim of infidelity.
Meant to add that if we had a pill which cured sex addiction in the sense that we no longer noticed women sexually, then that would basically would be the end of them. THEY want us to want them. What easier way to exploit men is there? Take the pill and there power is gone completely and we can all enjoy ourselves. Women with any power make life a misery. Take back the night and do something reeking of vice. Anyone that tells me women dress to display their intelligence must live on planet Ulluision.
If you haven’t done so, I recommend you all try taking one of those on-line sexual addiction assessment surveys available. Just for laughs. Sorry–I’m not going to elevate any one of them by awarding them with a link referral. You can just Google the phrase.
I took one the other day …and learned there’s a 20% chance I’m a troubled sex addict! WTF!? Keep in mind here that I’ve been happily and monogamously married for 20 years (yes, to the same woman). I have no unnatural sexual deviations that I’m aware of or that “trouble” me or my wife. I’m simply a regular male with a regular hard-on who regularly thinks about sex.
Hide your women and children from me, people! Puuuhhlleeeze.
Goes to show what kind of scam this is.
So true, Dave.
…And on that note, I’m still waiting for the enlightened family court judge to rule on the ex-wife’s post-divorce duties just as s/he rules on the ex-husband’s duties: The ex-husband must indeed pay regular alimony and child support for the lost income his ex-wife experienced upon marriage and child rearing and which is now completely foregone through divorce. And likewise, the ex-wife needs to regularly come over to the ex-husband’s house to clean it and regularly sex him to fill the void that he experienced through marriage and which she’s now made permanent as a result of her departure as well. The obligation of each is absolved once the other is re-married.
Studies have linked regular video-gaming with low sex drive in young males.
“Hello, my name is Jabberwocky, and I’m addicted to boobies.”
Jab! You are a real BOOB mate
Exactly!
Also creating the impression of the male sex drive as an illness, something to be ‘cured’.
My daily wise-crack:
I live in Reno Nevada, I grew up here – prostitution is legal in nearby counties.
As far as men wanting to have sex with a lot of different women – that might be true. I kind of doubt it though (for the majority of men).
I have met many prostitutes – they typically have “regulars” – men that come back to them again, and again.
Since these men pay for sex – they could choose a different woman each time they pay – but instead – they choose the same woman over and over again.
I have not talked to any of these men – so I do not know what their line of reasoning is for picking the same hooker each time – but I would guess that quite a few men want the same woman over and over again – provided that she meets his needs.
Myself – the more familiar I get with a women, the better the sex is – and it just keeps getting better – of course, eventually, she reveals her real intention of the relationship (money, control etc) and I have to terminate – but that’s beside the point.
I have had room-mates and friends that were prostitutes – I actually would give them rides to work sometimes – I talked with them alot about this – they all said the same thing – they all had regulars – the same men kept coming back.
Of course – they also had occasional tourists that were curoius about the brothels out here – but since those men are not local – they do not really count (they cannot come back the next week).
P.S.
@Vancouver
I play video games an awful lot…
And I am one seriously horny-a$$ bastard!
I have problems that those erection pill-commercials describe (4 hours or longer) – and I do not take those erection pills.
It is actually nerve-racking.
seriously – it is.
“Epo your wrong. Sex with lots of women does not imply permanency but fluidity. You see the women would be having lots of sex with lots of men also.”
As they do in Africa. As they do in Detroit. As they do in any place where civilization has collapsed and most live in proverbial grass huts. I do not discount the need for novelty-except that I really wouldn’t limit it to just male polygamy. Art for art’s sake can be done in far more than just women, hence the creative arts and sciences being dominated by men. Actually, given that gay men and lower betas also have commanding presences in these fields, it is precisely the lack of lots of sexual options that seem to bring about this extreme diversity of expression. First you do without, then you find other things to do, and then you realize you don’t…actually…need it for the feelings you thought you needed.
“Also as I have said before I am not so mean spirited as to begrudge more successful men their abundance even if that means my porverty. But actually I would not mind taking my chances . I don’t feel I need social rules and conformity to protect my sexual interest. I can do that for myself.”
You, reading this highbrow 130ish IQ site and posting without shitting all over yourself, are not a general representative of the collective male unconscious. Nor am I. We have zillions of sexual opportunities and choose to use, or not to use them. But compared to the bottom 40%, we may as well be top-tier alpha males. Most men are not as cavalier as Africans when it comes to other dudes doing his girl. Despite the increase in general sluttiness, most women are, as Roissy once said, only addicted to one cock at a time.
Not to put too fine a point on it, the history of polygamous cultures where there’s even an ounce of male jealousy (which I guarantee you is far, far, stronger and biologically ingrained than the desire for novelty) follows a simple pattern:
1. Alphas of the day marry the number of wives they choose. Let’s go with the old Muslim standby and say 4.
2. Sex ratio stubbornly refuses to be anything but 1:1.
3. The fraction of unattached males (3/4 in this instance) are used for slave labor, cannon fodder, etc.
4. A particular fraction of unattached males decides to do the math, realizing that they can easily overpower the fat and happy alphas and take all the women they want. Often they overlap with the religious faction, or any faction that sees the equality of man. (Bonus points if the members happen to be the guards or personal servants of the alphas, well in a position to see that those men are just men like the rest of them.)
5. Massacres of alphas ensue.
6. The victors get blinded by the pussy, forget the math that led them there, set themselves up as the new alphas under a differently-named regime, and the whole cycle repeats itself every century or so, under different pretexts.
succinct, balanced piece
the gynogulag, as expressed in all its empires from present to, say, inceptive sumeria, always plays the same game: inflame male sexuality to maximum, siphon off the NRG in various ways, and simultaneously criminalize/demonize male sexuality, usually at financial profit to vested interests, and with (further) net empowerment of females vs males
very tidy indeed! no wonder theyve stayed the course . . . it works
sex addiction “clinics” are more of the same scam — anybody taken a look around the past half-century at how the matriarchy constantly parades female sexuality in the faces of males?
it is CONSTANT
then the gulag cleans up politically, financially, and ever so legally over the “problem” they so carefully created and maintain
if tiger had told the (basic) truth upfront, this would all have been over in ten days, as i wrote when it went down
does anybody really think the matriarchy would want to continue publicizing Empowered Elin’s violent and berserk domestic violence?
would the Medea want to show tiger’s broken face every day on yahoonews, as with the Rihanna Saga?
eh, neh
they’d have buried the story faster than JFK’s body
but Mr. Jupiter Island decided to stonewall and let Ms. America drag him though the endless parade of mea culpas — despite the uncomfortable fact that, according to the matriarchy’s own INFLEXIBLE dictates, there is NO EXCUSE FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, and therefore Elin is a criminal. period.
except, of course, that she is female, so not only can’t she be a criminal, somehow the whole deal must be downside-upped and spun to appear that SHE is actually the victim here
the Evil Male etc. . . . perhaps youve heard this before?
so millions of other guys, who dont have Mr Pussycat’s wealth, get left hanging
again
as always
before this is done, Mr. Pussycat will wish a thousand times that he’d just called the cops and written her spoiled, sick ass off — along with the endorsements he doesnt really need anyway
what he needs is a shred of manhood, something clearly lacking all across the western world
again — good article, the MRM shouldnt let the gynogulag off the hook on this one
The term “Sex Addiction” is not a Clinical term and is not in the current DSM IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Psychiatry). It probably will be in the next addition to come out as “hypersexuality” It will have critiria such as ‘repeated sexual behaviors that continue to put a person at risk for physical diseases, financial distress, relational problems, moral and criminal problems. These are real issues addressed by thousands of 12 step groups (Sex Addict Anonymous, Sex and love Addict Anoymous, etc) as well as therapy centers and specialized therapists.
5 Minutes ago I talked to a older man arrested for viewing child porn. So what would be your suggestion to him. What I will do for him is assess his suicidal risks, deal with his crisis stricken family…and yes help him with his destructive sexual behaviors. So you think I’m scamming him? Getting rich off his troubles. I made more money as a business man before I became a Licensed Therapist which took 3 years beyond a Masters in Clinical Psychology and verbal and oral State exams. Therapists are not rich… I have never met a therapist who went in the field of therapy to Scam or become rich. Perhaps you could come up with names of weathy therapists. We are here to help with human suffering. Most people resort to therapy when their ‘self will’ has failed….so perhaps they are ‘worse’ than ones who stopped by themselves
Most women would not want to marry to a man like Tiger Woods….no matter how much money and fame he had not just because of his sexual behaviors but because he is not trustable…..He lies. Would you tolerate a partner who cheated on you like that??? Deception just happens to go along with addictions because addicts don’t want to deal with their behaviors.
It is not Sex Addiction that keeps the species going…..far from it. It takes stable homes whether fathers and mothers are stable, committed and trustable to raise children to be mentally healthy. All addictions lead in toward less stable…and less emotional availability. If you want a good partner don’t pick an addict
So how’s “sibling rivalry disorder” cures coming along?
Don L. Mathews MFT, you’ve done more in your one post here, to convince me that psychological “experts” like you are full of shit than all the television, celebrity, gossip and news media of the past ten years ever did.
Thank you for you (unintentional) service.
PS: Now I understand why courts consider mandatory “therapy” a form of judicial punishment for men. Your knowledge of male and female sex drive is infantile at best and dangerous at worst.
Holy cow Don! When will marriage be in DSM IV as a mental disorder?
“Most women would not want to marry to a man like Tiger Woods….no matter how much money and fame he had not just because of his sexual behaviors but because he is not trustable…..He lies.”
confirming that you know nothing about women and probably less about men — therefore, doubtless, you are Precisely Qualified to impart psychological advice in the Gynogulag you maintain and support
Is the writing of essays not part of the masters program in your neck of the woods Don? The spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, misuse of capitals and punctuation, mixing of register and the lack of regular written structure all suggest you haven’t done much writing which would be scrutinized at a university. Commenting on people’s writing isn’t something I usually do, but since you make the claim to higher education I’m curious to know who awards degrees without demanding a certain level of writing conformity.
I do agree with Don that most women would NOT want to marry a seriel cheater if they knew beforehand that he was going to cheat on them, raw-dog and possibly expose them to STDs.
Afterall, is Tiger’s wife gonna stay with him?
Do ask the question is to answer it.
Tiger is embarrassing himself as well as deluding himself. No amount of therapy is going to fix his marriage….cut your loses and get the fuck out.
Addiction is not really. There is a way to strengthens relationship and stabilizes commitment and that is learning how to talk dirty i your partner.
Glad to see this article. I kept thinking how ridiculous it is to refer to a man as a “sex addict” when I heard about Tiger Woods, too.
Is the writing of essays not part of the masters program in your neck of the woods Don?
yeah Pierced our Don sounds more like primaDonna to me
with English A obviously still in the future!
hey uh Don, did you say that M.A. program had oral exams? :O)
@firepower Michael Jackson was FALSELY accused. How else do you explain the 1st accuser’s falling out with his father, and that same father’s recent suicide?
Don, you lost me at “trustable”.
All those years of edumacation and you’ve never heard the word “trustworthy”?
I may be only a mere makeup artist, who never went to university, but ffs, man, you should know better!
You should have stuck with business.
For some reason, I’m not sure why, this made me laugh so hard.
piercedhead January 21, 2010 at 18:01
Holy cow Don! When will marriage be in DSM IV as a mental disorder?
GOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dan wrote: “After all, if we relied on female desire alone there probably would be no population.”
Before giving you an interesting link, I will simply observe that wagering on that notion is not likely a good investment. The three little Pilgrims over here didn’t emerge from heads of cabbage, you know…
Here. This suggests strongly that it’s not so much a physical lack of desire as it is a reality check–”Omigosh nowai, marriage isn’t an effortless happily-ever-after!”–leading to an idiotic phase of feeling sorry for one’s fluffy little self.
Depression does unexpected things to a girl–and it’s nobody’s fault but her own, ultimately, for believing all that silly Nora Ephron-Cinderella-Jennifer Aniston baloney.
Don, your perspective as an MFT and clinician is much appreciated–even if I don’t agree with all your premises. You add a healthy perspective to the discussion and I hope you continue to share your thoughts here or in comments to other posts. I think that what some here (or at least myself) object to in particular regarding Tiger Woods’ sex therapy includes…
1. The mis-application of the term, “addiction” in this case and the belief Tiger needs “therapy.” I don’t disagree that sexual behavior, including porn viewing can be habitual. Moreover, I’ve read (and don’t disagree) that heavy porn viewing, for example, might even dull one’s dopamine receptors–much the way opiates do–such that one needs a greater and greater stimulus (more porn or more exotic porn) to feel the same excitement. Whereas a generation ago, the mere viewing of an exposed titty gave a woody to your average teenager, perhaps it takes a bit more to do the same today. (One might also blame “ambient porn” for this trend, but I digress). However, it’s not at all clear that Tiger exhibits any abnormal display along these lines. I doubt his dopamine receptors are dulled through over-use of his mistresses. And his behavior is not truly maladaptive (assuming he wore protection). Rather, Tiger’s guilty of doing just what furthered the species eons ago, of what King Solomon or others in authority have done, and what a great majority of men would do presently if they had the same power as Tiger does to effortlessly attract and bang many beautiful women. Rather, Tiger’s behavior is dysfunctional only in the sense that it’s in conflict with his wife’s expectations and his marriage vows. That is, one can call Tiger selfish, indulgent, even hedonistic. One can call him a cad and a lying cheat. But one can’t clinically diagnose him as a “sexual addict” anymore than one can call the same of any male with healthy testosterone levels.
2. There is a tendency among all professions–and not just psychologists–to view the world through their particular occupational lens. It’s an example of the old, “when all you have is a hammer…” expression. Given a controversial event, the diagnosis of it routinely falls along professional lines. Hence, the sexual addiction industry–those who see sexual deviants day in/day out–will tend to apply their own professional schema to Tiger’s exploits. If you own a sexual addiction clinic you can’t help but view Tiger as a likely candidate for your brand of “treatment.”
3. There’s a one-side standard being applied here. It reveals an ugly, anti-male hegemony in regards to sex. Tiger’s mistresses obviously had a sex drive. But the female desire to pursue and sleep with powerful rich men is considered an entirely natural, understandable thing. Their drive isn’t shamed. Even better, it’s called sexual freedom or even “empowerment” in feminist-speak. By contrast, Tiger’s natural sex drive here is being labeled a pathology. It’s so horrific and dysfunctional he needs to be isolated, medicated, and counseled before he’s allowed back into the public sphere. Yet it takes two to screw. Where’s the balance in that?
@Don L. Matthews
What Don doesn’t tell you is many licensed mental health professionals, including in the AAMFT, are skeptical about the concept of “sex addiction.” It especially becomes a sticking point when counseling hinges on subjective, non-clinical notions of what constitutes “acceptable” behavior. Oftentimes, morality about sex is best left to one’s priest or pastor. Don’s just one school of thought. Impulse control disorder? Maybe. Sex addiction, um … maybe not.
Thank you for most of the posts. Not the name calling, swearing, put down posts. Criticism and disagreement are fine. I do accept blame for the grammer errors… I’m not an English major.
My guess is the abusive responses and the focus on my sloppy grammer were an easy way for some of you to disregard the substance of my post about Sex Addiction. Alcoholism was thought of as just ‘bad’ immoral behavior 80 years ago. There is some hard scientific evidence (MNL mentioned some in his thoughtful post) on why some people have difficulty making good decisions with their own sexual behaviors. There is some gender basis to this. Men have less connections between the right and left hemispheres so non-relational sex is more likely including ‘body parting’ objectifications, anonymous encounters etc. It is both natural and at times problematic. Women because of the right brain/left brain hemisheric connectedness have more romantic or ‘love’ addictions. ‘Love’ addiction, of course, is not a clinical term but a discriptive term Woman read pulp novels and soap opera dramas much more than men.
Many people have a concern over the term ‘sex addiction’ because it sounds like therapists are now the new ‘moral’ police hence the hostility toward my post. My job as a therapist is to help people with their problematic sexual behaviors. If you like polygamy for instance, that is your choice. It’s not a clinical issue. It does not mean you are a ‘sex addict’. If you have a long standing pattern of failed relationships, being trustworthy and it appears related to your sexual behaviors I would as your therapist explore that with you. Sex addicts really don’t have alot of control at times. Sex addicts are not liberated by their behaviors. They are driven compulsively and destructively. They are lost in part of their brain that doesn’t think well. An MRI would show this. The ‘high’ from sex can, as any pleasureable emotion, be used as a defense against other more unpleasant feelings. When this is done in a fashion that causes major life problems. I call that sex addiction because it is most understood (and misunderstood). Sex addiction is not nor will it ever be… a clinical term. It is discriptive, overused, popular term. The clinical term will most likely be coming out in the next DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Psychiatrists). The term will be, from my sources, ..Hypersexuality. Changing the term won’t help much in ending the many controversies of human sexual behaviors….clinically or in the general public. It is quite simplistic to think of sexual behaviors as just immoral or liberating sex.
{ 2 trackbacks }