An Open Letter To Denise Romano, MA, EdM

by Obsidian on January 5, 2010

[A MAJOR Corrective To Her Views On Game, & Other Issues…]

Perhaps as a result of the Internet, among other things, Game and what was once a “secret society of Pick Up Artists” has gotten the attention-and ire, it seems-of quite a few Women bloggers, some of whom seem intent on tearing the House that Mystery & Style have built to the ground. This, I find to be disturbing on a whole host of levels, but perhaps the most disturbing, is the fact that oh so often, these “crusaders” are so misguided, if not misinformed, not only about Game itself, its key thinkers and writers, but most sadly, about where they’re getting their source information from.

In the few months that my personal blog, The Obsidian Files has been in existence, I’ve run across several Women who all have key things in common:

  1. They’re all bloggers of varying stripe
  2. They all have deep issues with regard to Game, however
  3. they haven’t read the key source material, and almost always use, as their “primary” source info, Roissy in DC, or blogsites like it (such as say, Tucker Max, in the case of Ms. Susan Walsh of

Keep in mind here that all of the Women I’m talking about would be, in the minds of the average person, highly educated, even accomplished people; Ms. Walsh for example, boasts an MBA from the Wharton Business School of UPenn while Ms. Romano has multiple degrees from Columbia U. Yet the level of reasoning and simple investigative research into the basic of issues surrounding Game by these and other Women is, I have to say, a slap in the face to all that the Academy stands for. I am NOT arguing that these or any other Woman has to AGREE with Game, but rather, to merely be educated on its basic premise and methodology, as propounded by its creators and key thinkers themselves. I’ve written in some detail previously here at TOF, about this very disturbing tendency on the part of quite a few ladies I encounter in my Internet travels.

So, with all that said, enter one Ms. Denise Romano, a certified psychologist who specializes in spousal abuse and the like. Apparently, she got wind of my back and forth epic struggle with another (unnamed) Woman blogger who can’t get the bee out of her bonnet that is Roissy, despite her multiple goes at the Man, and which I have extensively written about. Like Romano and Walsh, she too has minimal understanding, at best of what Game exactly is, but worse that the former two, she has flatly refused to at least read some of the widely recognized and accept sources of information on Game, such as Style’s book The Game, and Mystery’s The Mystery Method, dismissing both as the fodder of snake oil salesmen and reality tv show stars. To be honest, I have never encountered such an individual in debate. I suppose the old saw is true, that there’s a first time for everything.

Ms. Romano’s comments over at the aforementioned anti-Roissy blog struck me as a bit odd, considering the string of letters following her name; perhaps I do give such people a bit too much credit, because I have always been taught that such individuals are by definition, people who attempt to live by Reason, Logic and at least some understanding of and application of, the Scientific Method. It would appear that I was wrong.

For not only has Ms. Romano made what I consider to be comments inconsistent with the core meaning of the letters that follows her name, but her more “fleshed out” commentary on the matter of Game, PUAs and Seduction, which can be found on the Aug 1 2009 entry at her blog, only filled me with more dread, for how can such a highly educated and credentialed human being say such outrageous things?

The post referred to above by Ms. Romano is quite lengthy – even for me(!) – and I would highly recommend anyone so inclined to read it to be sure they have an hour or two to kill before settling in to take it up. In it, she lays at the feet of Game and PUAs, charges of patent abuse of Women, and even goes so far as to lump in Neil “Style” Strauss, with OJ Simpson, Mike Tyson, and Scott Peterson. Yes, that’s right-Ms. Romano, Columbia U grad twice over, has made such an outrageous remark. Outrageous because it is ridiculous on its face; all of the other Men she’s mentioned are convicted felons, and in the case of Simpson, we know, for a fact, that he was indeed abusive towards his then-wife, Mrs. Nicole Brown-Simpson. There are no such convictions, or for that matter, charges, against Style; moreover, given that the Man has written, to date, no less than two memoirs on his life in the Game/PUA community, one would think that by now, if he wasn’t on the up and up, quite a few Women-at least one-would have come forward. To date, not a peep from the Sisterhood. That’s gotta say something. To me, it says that they’re quite satisfied with what Mr. Strauss has had to say.

Speaking of Style, it should also be said, that he goes out of his way in BOTH of his books, to warn Men about the very real Dark Sides of Game; in fact, I attribute a goodly bit of my own “style” to Style, not just in a stylistic sense, but in a moral one, too. No one reading his books can say, with a straight face, that he comes off or sounds anything like the Tom Cruise, Ron Jeffries-inspired, and truly disturbed and sleazy character seen in the film “Magnolia”. Style is very careful to chronicle the pitfalls of Game, and I for one am very glad that he did so; of all the many books, dvds and the like out there on the topic, I maintain that his is the most honest-often painfully, brutally so-of the entire genre. He gives Game a human face.

So for Ms. Romano to suggest that Mr. Strauss is in any way akin to Mr. Simpson, Mr. Tyson or Mr. Peterson, it only goes to show how far our educational institutions have fallen; such sentiments are to be expected from the Great Unwashed; its akin to heresy when academics like Ms. Romano does it.

Secondly, her assertions about the methods, techniques and the like within the Game community being deceptive and the like are also laughable, because it just goes to show the degree to which her ignorance of Game truly is. So, once again, unto the breach I go dear friends, to give a quick primer on what Game is, and how it operates:

Game (noun, verb): A corpus of knowledge, and series of behaviors, designed to win the SEXUAL ATTRACTION of the Female. PERIOD. The act of employing Game is often referred to as “running Game” or “Gaming”. It is a mating strategy, and ALL living things found on the Earth has one, if not several. Game, is simply a mating strategy for Human Males to use. Game draws its knowledge from the insights gleaned from Evolutionary Psychology, itself considered by some a controversial corner of the Psychology world; PUAs (or “Gamers” if you will) study not only Game-specific materials, but also the work of noted Evolutionary Psychologists, like David Buss, Mat Ridley, and Steven Pinker. In addition, Gamesmen (my preferred term) study the great works of literature on the topic of romance, seduction and Human Sexuality, such as The Story of O, the compendium written by Robert Greene The Art Of Seduction, My Secret Life and others. Many of its core tenets may seem bizarre or counterintuitive to the uninitiated or otherwise untrained eye; but to those well-practiced in the Game, they know well the efficacy of its use and practical results.

Game can also be said to be an “applied science” in the sense that it relies heavily on trial and error, after periods of intense and lengthy observation. Field reports, detailed accounts of actual, real-time interactions with Women are a staple of Game practice, and much of what is viewed today as the core tenets of Game came from said practice. It remains perhaps the single most valuable aspect of Game today.

Moreover, Game is NOT in itself moral or immoral; in fact, Game is AMORAL, and it is left solely to the practitioner as to how he will use it. This is where methods such as the use of what is known as NLP-and forms the backbone of the Ross Jeffries school of Seduction or Game-comes in, because it uses considerable degrees of hypnosis in its methods. Does it work? I’ve seen it in action and can say, YES, it does work. But then we are left with the moral implications of such a strategem; is it RIGHT to do it? I say NO, and I am not alone. It is unclear if Mystery himself is cool with NLP, but what is clear, that his school of thought does not include or incorporate NLP in any way; instead his school of thought deals with what has become known as Social Dynamics, how people interact with each other within the context of group activity.

Again: Game is amoral. In and of itself, there is no “right” or “wrong” way to get a Woman into bed with you. The only one to determine ultimately if something is good or bad, is the practitioner himself. In this regard, I view Game in the same light as Niccolo Machiavelli’s The Prince-a practical and pragmatic, how-to guide to gaining political power and keeping it. It doesn’t concern itself with the moral or ethical implications of Statecraft; it is left to the “Prince” to decide for himself which way to go.

Furthermore, Game is NOT relegated to the niteclub, bar or lounge, although it certainly can be used in such environments; Game can be applied to a whole host of situations and scenarios, from the boardroom and shop floor, to the local taproom or formal events. Basically, ANYWHERE Men and Women get together, there will you also find GAME. Additionally, the idea that Game is designed only as a short term mating strategy is immensely misinformed and shortsighted-Game can be applied to both, a one night stand, and to a marriage, or anything in between. Game can be used to win the affection of one Woman, or a thousand. Nor does one with Game have to actually bed any Woman AT ALL-all of these things are purely up to the Man in question, as to which way he will go. And that, is the true Power of Game-it gives a Man options.

That so many Women are so very concerned about the blatherings of weird guys with funny names in our time – a time where Women enjoy an unprecedented level of advance, freedom, opportunity and largesse – is proof if there ever was any, that Game does indeed WORK. The very fact that Women from Lady Raine to Susan Walsh and now Denise Romano, make such a stink about it all, is again proof positive, that despite all the protestations and denunciations and denials to the contrary, that Game is indeed, highly effective. Understandably then, they would be concerned about the way in which it is applied by its practitioners, and to what ends.

It is important for these ladies to understand that, like any discipline or field of endeavor, there will invariably be many approaches, understandings and stances by many corners of said community; it is not at all unusual to find multiple, seemingly conflicting interpretations of things such as, say, the “Neg” is and how it is to be applied. For example, some say that Negs are indispensable to any seduction; others argue that it plays at best, a tangential role. Some say that Negs are to be employed in “carpet bombing” fashion regardless as to the Target is, others say that Negs should be “calibrated’ for use depending on how “hot” the Target is-the hotter she is, the more you Neg her. Those who attempt to diminish the whole of Game, are akin to those who attempt to diminish the whole of ANY field of endeavor, because within each one is bound to find differing takes on core or key tenets and ideas or principles. Such critics shouldn’t see this as a weakness or failing of Game, but indeed a strength, just as we would say, Psychology, and its many differing takes and “squabbles”, LOL. Viva La Difference, indeed!

Now – with all the above being said and laid out – it is also important to let Ms. Romano and every other person, Male or Female, reading this, know that YES, there are what I consider to be “Dark Forces” in the Game; who twist and pervert it to their own ends, and has the potential to really damage many lives with their “Black” Arts. For my part, I and others whom I consider good friends, do what we can to act as a kind of check on said behaviors, by speaking out against them and their kind. For example, I liken NLP to Sith Magic, effective and highly seductive, but deeply morally unethical and potentially soul-killing, for both parties involved. While I respect Tyler Durden’s knowledge of Game, I refuse to use much of what he’s gleaned, because I so thoroughly disagree with his philosophical stances and just overall “vibe”. He creeps me out, quite frankly. And, as much as I respect Roissy’s deep knowledge of Game, I also deeply disagree with his application in many instances, as well as the overall vibe of his “house,” which explains why few if any people have seen me posting there after my own blog launched, nearly three months ago.

While I’m on the topic of Roissy, let me also say, that in many ways, his presence on the Internet is both a triumph and a curse. He is a triumph in the sense that Game has real utility and, quite frankly, power, to change things. His promotion of Game has touched many lives, mine included, and I would to think, at least in my case, for the better.

But he is also a curse, in the sense that because of the way in which he blends his personal views on many topics in with Game itself, people on the outside looking in get the impression that HIS TAKE ON GAME IS “THE” TAKE ON GAME, and that’s where they would be sorely mistaken, but by then the damage is done. Women, such as Susan Walsh and Denise Romano, are convinced, based on Roissy and a few others like him, that Game is no good, that it is inherently misogynistic, and that it is also deliberately deceptive and manipulative. That Roissy attracts so much attention to Game on the one hand, yet so much negative publicity for it on the other, is truly sad. It’s sad because Game itself has a much harder time getting a fair hearing. I’ve taken it on as my own personal mission to do what I can to present Game in its best light, since it’s been so good to me in meeting my goals in life. The record clearly shows me not only speaking out against what I consider “Sith” applications of Game no matter who does it, but I have also opposed Roissy himself publicly on a host of issues, both on his actual blog and here at my own, and will do so again if the need arises. Let me be clear here: Roissy’s understanding of Game is not and cannot be in dispute; it is his application of Game, his undergirding philosophy, that IS in dispute, and that which I take deep issue with. This is the key distinction that I think is lost on many of his critics, many of whom refuse to properly acquaint themselves with key Game source materials, most notably Style’s works.

I would also like to address Ms. Romano’s charges that to be a Gamesman is to be an abuser-something I take great umbrage with, for a number of reasons. First, despite the presence of Men like Roissy, there has been no reports of Women being abused, and by that I mean, physically abused by PUAs. By the way, Roissy does NOT consider himself a PUA, he’s said so himself. Just wanted to be clear on that point. Moreover, as one who has put his livelihood and very life on the line to protect Women from abuse, I find Ms. Romano’s slinging out the term “abuse” to BE abusive, and a most disturbing trend in the popular culture of late-merely call anything you have a personal issue with or otherwise don’t like, “abusive”, “misogynistic”, “racist”, “homophobic” and so on. Such abuses of truly powerful terms cheapens their meaning, makes REAL instances of such abuses seem trivial, and makes the whole exercise a joke and a laughingstock, while at the same time throwing the true victims of such practices under the bus. One would think that a Woman of Ms. Romano’s statue would be a bit more deliberative with her language, especially the written word.

I also find it most interesting — aw heck, I’m just gonna call it what it is: it is hypocritical of Ms. Romano to, on the one hand, deride those in the Game community who sell their wares to customers as snake-oil salesmen, to then turn around and implore Men to instead spend some $250 on “NVC” training. Mind you, I’m not yet in a position to say whether NVC is worth its weight in gold or lead — just that I find it interesting that she wants to shut down one aspect of commerce in favor of another. Hmm.

Then there’s Ms. Romano’s seeming indifference, or intellectual dishonesty when it comes to the full range of “abuse”, indeed violence. Her Aug 1 2009 post was terribly one-sided in its view of the situation: Women are victims, Men victimizers. And while no one would deny that Woman are indeed abused and victimized, it seems incredibly hard for Women to even acknowledge that the same can happen to Men, too-even when the stats back this up. For more on the spousal abuse side of it, please see such authorities on the matter as Glenn Sacks, a Men’s Rights Advocate who has long been known to have his facts straight, just to name but one person in the fight. According to him, nearly half of ALL domestic partner violence, was initiated by the Woman. And, as if to bring heaven sent proof of this fact, we need no other than one Mr. Tiger Woods, who, on Thanksgiving Day, was clocked upside the head with one of his own golf clubs by his wife, Mrs. Elin Woods. To be sure, no one I personally know – and definitely not me personally – defends Mr. Woods’ actions. But that doesn’t give Ms. Elin Woods the right to physically abuse her husband.

Now, where is the intellectual consistency on Ms. Romano’s part here? Hmm? To ask the question is to answer it. If she can take time out of her schedule to write a lengthy hit piece on Game and PUAs and MRAs, if she can find time to log her comments in to anti-Roissy blogs about same, then why can’t she find the time to speak out against what Elin Woods did? Hmm? And why is that NO MAJOR FEMINIST WEBSITE TO DATE, has done so either? If anything, it’s the exact opposite, a kind of “You Go Girl!” sentiment, not tacitly expressed, by EXPLICITY expressed. If Ms. Romano is truly interested in the fairness she exhorts PUAs to exhibit with regard to Men and Women, one would think she could start in her own backyard. After all, charity begins at home.

What about Mary Winkler-who shot her hubbie in the back with a shotgun, while he was sleeping? The only “proof” we have that she was “abused” comes from Mrs. Winkler herself – there was no independent record of spousal abuse on Rev. Winkler’s part, and to add insult to injury, Mrs. Winkler was even feted on Oprah – white platform shoes and all, to tell her story. No one was there to speak for Rev. Winkler. Dead Men tell no tales.

I saw no such denunciation of Mrs Winkler on Ms. Romano’s or quite frankly, any other Woman’s site who claims to care about “domestic abuse”. Seems that they care about it only when it involves Women on the receiving end.

Last month, in specific response to my lady readers, I put up a post taking up the question as to whether Game was inherently deceptive and manipulative. Without exception, excuse or apology, I said that YES, Game can indeed be used this way, that there is a contingent of the Game community who does this, and that I neither condoned or endorsed it, nor did I want to be associated with anyone who was known to be engaging in such activity. Then I asked the Women who claimed to be so concerned about the ethics of the Men in the Game community, about the many deeply deceptive and manipulative things Women do, and have done, for YEARS. I invite Ms. Romano or anyone else reading this open letter to see my post for themselves, it’s in the Dec 2009 archive and very easy to find. The replies I got back from the majority of Women – notable exceptions aside – were, in a word, mind boggling. Some actually wanted to justify the heinous actions I pointed out that Women undertook; others wanted to actually put up for debate other things Women have long done that are misrepresentations of themselves, if not out and out deceit. Finally, in a followup post I put up directed at the ladies of my forum, also found in the Dec 2009 archives, I questioned them as to why we never see those issues addressed on so many Women’s blogs and websites. The responses were again mind-boggling — if not quite deceitful in themselves.

It all adds up to a feeling on the part of many Men, of a very real double-standard: Women want Men to be held accountable, but they don’t want to be held accountable themselves. Women have no problem using every advantage they can get out there on the Mating Grounds, but deplore anything that might help Men get an advantage, too. Women want Men to speak out against their own who do wrong, but Women can never seem to be found when time comes to speak out against a Elin Woods, a Mary Winkler, a Crystal Gale Mangum, to say nothing about the many scores of Women who take advantage of Men every way till the next Xmas. Women want Men to take the high road, but don’t seem to have trouble at the very least, condoning the low behavior of so many of their “sisters”.

That Ms. Romano makes outrageous claims against Game, indicts someone like Style and lumps him in with known and documented spousal abusers, rapists and murderers, asserts that ALL PUAs are “abusers of Women” and then falls completely silent on the well known and publicized events of clear, present and REAL abuse perpetrated by the Women above, someone who’s LIFE WORK is to advocate for victims of violence and abuse, really says it all to me, and to any thinking, caring person who gives a damn about fairness, decency, and just plain ole getting the facts straight. If this is the best our Academy can do, it is little wonder we as a society are in the mess we’re in after all.

I’ll say this in closing, and it behooves Women like Ms. Romano to listen close: your “war” against Roissy, Savoy and others, will not succeed. It won’t because not only are your motives wrong, but so to are your own convictions. So long as Women like you refuse to remove the 2×4 out of your own eyes before you go to plunking splinters out of the eyes of Men like Roissy and Savoy, your effort will fall flat on its face. More and more Men aren’t flocking to these guys for nothing, Ms. Romano — there’s definitely something there. And so long as you and others like you refuse to address the root causes of why the Roissys exist in the first place, all you’ll be doing is standing in the middle of a sinking boat, trying to prevent it from going under by tossing overboard bucketfuls of water.

That’s it. If you want to talk, you know where to find me.

Thanks for listening.

The Obsidian

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