Military Divorce Rate Still Rising

by W.F. Price on November 28, 2009

Divorce is endemic in the military. There are a number of reasons for this, including the fact that benefits are assured for divorcing spouses – especially if they have children – and that the military base lifestyle is little different from a coed college frat row, where many young people live in a haze of intoxication and promiscuity.

However, one fact that I found in an article detailing the phenomenon has largely escaped attention — so far:

As in previous years, women in uniform suffered much higher divorce rates than their male counterparts — 7.7 percent in 2009, compared to 3 percent for men.

Although the military women are described as “suffering” from divorce, I am willing to bet that their rate of filing is at least the same as civilian women, i.e. around 70%.

Why is it that women in the service are divorcing their husbands at higher rates? The obvious explanation is that in what is still a mainly male occupation, they have plenty of opportunities to have affairs with other soldiers. Another factor is that the macho culture of the military encourages female recruits to have sex with a number of different men. They probably quickly develop contempt for their husbands, who they must see as the ultimate kitchen bitches, especially if they are not serving overseas. Additionally, they are assured custody of their children, and having custody is a good way to get them out of dusty outposts such as Afghanistan (they can claim that “nobody else can take care of the kids,” even if the father is available).

Scummy lawyers have set up camp at military bases to advise women on divorce procedures, and there is no doubt that the gossip brigade feeds a steady stream of divorce advice to military women.

It has always been common for women to leave their husbands while they are on duty overseas. In fact, in WWII the common method was known as the “Dear John Letter.” The difference back then was that attorneys didn’t have the opportunity to cash in on these sentiments as they do today, and the only incentive for common female betrayal was the fickle, womanly nature we all know so well, as opposed to the cashouts and benefits they get today.

It is a wonder that any soldier gets married at all, but evidently they are encouraged to do so through the many perks, including family housing. Perhaps they feel that temporary benefits are worth the likely dissolution. In any case, the high rate of marital dissolutions in the military cheapens not only the institution of marriage, but the vows of servicewomen and some men as well. Perhaps the best thing to do would be to institute a ban on marriage for recruits who have not completed their active service. This would probably save much heartbreak and many broken homes, and prevent opportunistic military wives from leaching off the taxpayer and their soldier ex-husbands.

{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }

Amateur Strategist November 28, 2009 at 03:48

Not sure if you can prevent anyone from marrying, but since they technically aren’t civilians, I don’t know the possibilities.

You CAN, however, prevent benefits until after active service.

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Johnny Abacus November 28, 2009 at 04:50

“They probably quickly develop contempt for their husbands, who they must see as the ultimate kitchen bitches, especially if they are not serving overseas.”

From personal observations, there are few female enlisted who marry non-military men.

“Perhaps the best thing to do would be to institute a ban on marriage for recruits who have not completed their active service. This would probably save much heartbreak and many broken homes, and prevent opportunistic military wives from leaching off the taxpayer and their soldier ex-husbands.”

Judging by the financial soundness of the average enlisted soldier (I’ve never seen more payday loan outfits than outside of a military base), your suggestion might not be a bad one, assuming you mean the first term. I can’t imagine that a no-marriages while in active duty would be particularly good for either morale or morals.

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wow November 28, 2009 at 07:49

Why fight for a system that destroys men, robs them of their wealth and children. Fuck ‘em!

Imagine facing some illiterate Afghanee in a gun fight, nearly being killed, only to come home to divorce papers and an ass raping financially.

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WizardKing November 28, 2009 at 08:01

What benefits, exactly, do military spouses get, divorced or otherwise?

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rebel November 28, 2009 at 08:15

“What benefits, exactly, do military spouses get, divorced or otherwise?”

They get the pleasure of seeing their “cannon fodder” husband getting killed and then they cash in on life insurance right away.

Very beneficial for women on a monetary point of view.
No wonder they are so eager to divorce: just imagine…

Why wouldn’t they, too, benefit from men’s deaths?

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Elusive Wapiti November 28, 2009 at 08:29

I don’t know about all the “military husband is a kitchen bitch” stuff, but I suspect that the higher divorce rate for military women is for two reasons:

(1) Female military members are significantly more likely to be married to another military member than are their male peers. Thus the stress of the military lifestyle is doubly magnified in that marriage.

(2) Female military members are less traditional in attitude than either their male counterparts or the females in civil society in general, and therefore, according to Wilcox and Nock, more likely to divorce.

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Elusive Wapiti November 28, 2009 at 08:33

Should also add that employed women in general are 3x more likely to divorce than their SAHM counterparts.

Thus contrasting the divorce rate of female military members with that of her male brothers is not quite an apples-to-apples comparison.

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Elusive Wapiti November 28, 2009 at 08:41

Wizard,

Married military spouses enjoy access to military comissaries (cheaper groceries), post exchanges (cheaper goods), and good if not great health insurance.

Divorced military former spouses to not enjoy any of these, unless they are military themselves. What they do enjoy however is an employed ex husband who (a) probably makes more than the national average, (b) has not a prayer of gaining custody of the chilluns in a custody fight unless soon-to-be former spouse is Britney Spears, and (c) whose employer will have no truck in making life very hard for him if he falls behind on his chilimony.

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Expatriate November 28, 2009 at 08:54

Why fight for a system that destroys men, robs them of their wealth and children. Fuck ‘em!

Imagine facing some illiterate Afghanee in a gun fight, nearly being killed, only to come home to divorce papers and an ass raping financially.

Don’t you know these wars are all about spreading “democracy” & “equal rights” to the illiterates.

Those “ragheads” are smart cookies, that’s why they made the WMDs vanish overnight that we were assured we wound find.

Any sucker who signs up to fight some war based on lies to prop up a society that treats him like shit because he is a man deserves to be cannon fodder.

The “Dear John” letter will be awaiting quiet a few of these sad fucks who got shot at & shot other people in foreign lands for NOTHING.

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Black&German November 28, 2009 at 09:04

You are mixing up cause and effect here.

Men who join the military are more likely to marry. It’s because of the kind of men who are inclined to join the military. Also, married men are less likely to be dishonorably discharged and more likely to reenlist.

The divorce rate is climbing because of the increasing re-deployment putting a strain on marriages. This wasn’t seen as much in the past as it used to be that a majority of men would be called up during war-time and now it’s only a small group. That leaves the woman stewing at home surrounded by single males.

Women with intense and time-consuming careers (such as the military) are generally more likely to divorce. Most husbands’ do not value their wives employment over her other duties and will discount her if she devotes too much effort to her career.

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Black&German November 28, 2009 at 10:44

Married men also get higher performance ratings. The only aspect that single men prevail in is that they are less likely to desert. But overall, the military judges married men as preferred soldiers and actively caters to them for that reason. Here is a link concerning this from the Congressional Budget Office.

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Jules November 28, 2009 at 11:47

For anyone with a strong stomach read The Fathers’ War by Stephen Baskerville in The American Conservative.

Deployed soldiers are also targeted by women who falsely designate them as the fathers of their newborns. “The military provides a steady, easily garnished income as well as medical care,” says Carnell Smith of Citizens Against Paternity Fraud. It is difficult to contest paternity while fighting a war thousands of miles away.

Spouses have other financial incentives to divorce military personnel. A serviceman must complete 20 years of active service to qualify for retirement pay. A woman married to the man for one day may claim a portion of the pension for life, without regard to fault or need, simply by filing for divorce.

It gets worse: Bobby Sherrill, a father of two from Parkton, North Carolina, was held hostage in Iraq for nearly five months. The night he returned from the Persian Gulf he was arrested for failing to pay $1,425 in child support while captive.
While serving in Iraq, Taron James was ordered to pay support for a child he knew could not be his, and DNA tests confirmed his claim. The district attorney and Los Angeles County Child Support Services nevertheless seized his tax refund annually, blocked him from renewing his notary-public license—which caused him to lose his job—ruined his credit, blocked him from obtaining a passport, and forced him to drop out of college.

The injustices are shocking yet unreported by the MSM.

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Matt November 28, 2009 at 12:19

Hmm. Maybe it’s because I’m outside the US, but there’s something I can’t quite figure out here. If the treatment dished out to military types by the family courts, their wives, the military itself etc. is as bad as a number of men’s sites imply, then that there would be large numbers of very pissed off men out there with expert military training and trusted contacts of friends in similar positions. Why then haven’t we seen if not small groups, at least a few individuals deciding that they have little or nothing left to lose by getting even in ‘one last mission’? They have after all been conditioned to fight for justice and freedom against corrupt regimes have they not?

The lawyers, judges, politicians etc are greedy, corrupt, conniving etc. but I very much doubt they’re in the least bit brave and as such, it wouldn’t take many such cases, especially, by groups to make them, shall we say, ‘refocus attention’ on the system’s ‘equitable deficiencies’.

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Expatriate November 28, 2009 at 13:08

They have after all been conditioned to fight for justice and freedom against corrupt regimes have they not?

Matt sorry but that just sounds terribly naive.

What they have been conditioned to is to follow the orders of the current regime whether the orders are constitutional or not.

We have a corrupt as fuck regime right now in the US & it was the same with the previous regime, i didn’t see any rebellions by army men.

Anyone who has read the US constitution thoroughly knows that the war in Iraq was unconstituional & so were many of the previous wars like Vietnam, bombing of Serbia etc. Yet only one soldier saw it fit to uphold his oath to be faithful to the constitution & refused to go to Iraq, his name is Ehren K. Watada. Fore more info check:

http://www.lewrockwell.com/orig6/dclark2.html

This is not a recent phenomenon, even in the War for Southern Independence most Union soldiers blindly followed Lincoln’s orders without any regard to whether they were constitutional or not. Where in the hell did the constitution give permission for Sherman’s atrocities in Atlanta & elsewhere. Even earlier in 1830′s there was the Trail of Tears of the Cherokee.

Americans are fed this myth that our military men could never do wrong & they are out battling for “freedom” of the oppressed where as the reality is never that black & white, most US soldiers will obey orders from higher ups whether they are faithful to the constitution or not. Stanley Milgrams famous study shows how people can be pressured into following obvious immoral orders from figures of authority.

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David Brandt November 28, 2009 at 13:49

Expatriate
I could not agree more, and I write from experience. Years ago, a two time medal of honor recipient General Smedley Butler wrote a book entitled “War is a Racket”. I believe it’s available online in it’s entirety. Never heard of him? Not in school, or the (ahem) ‘History’ channel? Perhaps it’s because what he wrote was true, and what we are taught are lies to make us feel better and more compliant. I’m sure that a lot of men have considered wasting judges, politicians and various sundry ‘official’s–but it’s a pointless action as it’s akin to fighting a hydra. The system is already imploding, and levels of awareness are rapidly increasing. A revolution may already be in the works or it may not, but when everything falls apart be prepared or be out of here. I choose to GTFO, as I don’t have much of this life left to live (by that I mean as compared to standard number of years lifespan). I do believe in balance, and that these assclowns will get what they deserve, but I don’t think they’ll ever see the direction it’s coming from.

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The Fifth Horseman November 28, 2009 at 15:13

This is terrible. At a minimum, the US should permit military men to be free of no fault alimony and other such nonsense.

How about making the military life an attractive 0ne by making military men exempt from unconstitutional divorce laws?

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The Fifth Horseman November 28, 2009 at 15:15

Matt,

It will happen someday. A marine sniper will get pushed to the breaking point and selectively target feminists, judges, and divorce lawyers.

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David Brandt November 28, 2009 at 15:21

The Fifth Horseman
I agree, but the divorce industry doesn’t. You are in a ‘job’ that you can’t just quit, and you have no discretion as to your pay as it will come right off the top. If they change it, the lawyer scum that preys on the military will have to relocate or find another career. The only comparable one I can think of would be ‘career criminal’.

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sestamibi November 28, 2009 at 17:04

TFH–

As I’ve said before, it’s a three-stage process:

Stage 1: Random violence a la Sodini.

Stage 2: Targeted violence against the ex-wives in question, a la Darren Mack.

Stage 3: Political violence against cunt politicians and their mangina allies.

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The Fifth Horseman November 28, 2009 at 17:09

Should also add that employed women in general are 3x more likely to divorce than their SAHM counterparts.

Why should that be? I have wondered about the accuracy of that claim :

1) The SAHM would get an alimony windfall, while the employed woman would get much less, or even nothing.
2) The SAHM watches misandric television all day, while the employed woman does not have time for that.

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The Fifth Horseman November 28, 2009 at 17:11

Sestamibi,

While that sounds logical in theory, we are seeing very little of even Stage 1.

Stage 2 might be happening more often, but rarely makes the news.

I think Islam will play a role in Stage 3. If they figure out that random suicide bombings are less effective than targetted assassinations, the whole dynamic becomes entirely different.

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Hestia November 29, 2009 at 00:07

Why is it that women in the service are divorcing their husbands at higher rates?
Just from my own personal observations from behind the gates of the mil base, many female service members are more feministic than their peers while many male service members are more traditional than their peers. When you add this to the reality that female members are highly likely to be married to a fellow service members, you have a recipe for disaster on your hands.

As for the divorce rates in general, many service members get married *very* young and not everybody who gets married very young is ready for all married life entails as is, but many also go into the military with a less than realistic idea of what service life entails. Many soldiers and their wives do not understand it’s not an IF a deployment comes but a WHEN. They do not prepare themselves for this reality, do not form ties with community and precautions to protection against infidelity, alcoholism, child abuse, and so forth. (We had a young couple over last night, brand new to the military with an eight week old baby, who are off in this fairy land, convinced hubby’s deployment orders for this summer will be gone at the last minute. There is no talking any sense into them or convincing them to plan for the reality. What would me and my husband know? He’s only been doing this for eight years and I’ve been his (army) wife for six of them. *head meets desk*)

Many wives left behind have not attempted to prepare themselves emotionally for what they themselves will go through, the emotional ups and downs their children will experience, and the realities of life for their deployed husband. They have not pondered how to keep a relationship alive when sex is off the table (as it is during a deployment) and do not know how to provide emotional comfort and everything else necessary to help their service member who is overseas/out to sea. Without a plan in place, without understanding the serious situations which may lie in their future, divorce is bound to happen when couples grow apart during their time apart and life throws many curve balls their ways for which they were not prepared.

Marriage is a serious commitment as is, but even more so when you marry somebody serving in the military. Those who enter this world need to do so with their eyes wide open, realizing that their is a chance they might need to woman up and take care of a seriously injured or psychologically damaged husband one day. They need to be ready to support their husband’s career, moving without complaint and doing whatever work needs to be done, even when it gets into the way of their plans. And they need to realize deployments are terribly stressful on all those involved, including their deployed spouse and children.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve woken up in terror in the middle of the night from a horrible dream in which my husband had been injured or killed. I’d stumble out of bed absolutely terrified something had really happened to my husband and that he would miss out on everything that was supposed to encompass our life together. That is was all over and the casualty alert team would be there in the morning to tell me he was gone. (“Anticipatory grief” is the term for this experience, one felt by many family members back on the homefront. ) There were times my heart just about stopped when unexpected knocks came to my door, as I was convinced it was somebody coming with bad news, not just somebody stopping by to say hi. I’ve handled a house fire, two hurricanes, a false accusation made against me to CPS by a vindictive woman, serious illness, miscarriages, moving, injuries, and surgery all on my own while my husband was overseas at various points, in addition to being the sole caretaker of our young daughter (once she arrived) and handling the drama of the wives who needed me to be there for them as FRG leader. Most of this happened while I was far, far away from my family as well. The military lifestyle is VERY VERY hard and as I said before, many who marry into the military aren’t ready to handle it. Those who aren’t ready have no business being there, too many good men and precious children are being harmed as a result of the arrogance and immaturity that abounds when people can’t honestly look at the situation and gauge if they can handle it or not. When you make your vows to somebody in uniform, your words entail much more than “in sickness and in health, for better or for worse”.

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Zeta December 1, 2009 at 11:52

Where’s the Globalman commentary on this one? I want to hear him talk about how women are so worthless that they’ll even leave their significant others who are out there fighting wars for them, how because of this and its tacit approval from women at large, he can’ take any of them seriously, etc.!

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Jabherwochie December 1, 2009 at 11:56

Ah, Globalman’s spirit pervades us.

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Puma December 1, 2009 at 12:01

Sestamibi & TFH -
I am wondering the same thing about Stages 2 & 3. They keep locking innocent men up for no crimes committed (i.e. refusing alimony orders etc) and things are bound to get ugly.

The UK has already entered Stage 3, but they have so far managed to target politicians in a non-violent sort of way. I am talking about the F4J:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cy23GTNdAsw

Sometimes ridicule is a far more effective weapon.

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GetReal December 16, 2009 at 22:19

The problem is TAD, and opportunity away from home. Often these men go on Adult Freak Finder posting “separated” military looking for sex. The next thing that happens is the pregnant military wives are catching every disease under the sun when they never even left thier children’s side. There is rarely a such thing as a faithful service member. Being a military wife is not worth the pitiful loss of everythign women have fought for. There is no way I would permit my daughter to be a military member as well little is done to protect them as well. Go ask the military docs where the STD’s are coming from in the maternity section of the hospital it’s FACT.

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JDApostasy December 22, 2009 at 03:33

As an active duty Marine, I can tell you that divorce seems to happen all the time in the military. Most of us single guys aren’t interested in getting married so long as we are in the service. And we hold a special resentment for spouses (also known as “dependents”) for their entitlement complexes. Last time I checked, I was the one serving my nation – you’re the one serving yourself by siphoning off hubby’s paycheck to your boyfriend while he’s over in the desert. *Facepalm*

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cait January 11, 2010 at 10:55

you people have to be insane. that article is half crazy the thought of banning marriage to active duty personell is insulting . just bc there are sluts who marry military and some ppl get hirt doesnt mean all?marriages fail, its a choice and ive seen it sucessful.
anf if u ppl think its so insane to fight wars you are pretty ignorabt bc those service members making those savridices give u the right to sit here and say the stupid things u do. and they are stupid.

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Snark January 11, 2010 at 12:05

those service members making those savridices give u the right to sit here and say the stupid things u do. and they are stupid.

Well then, if we’re so stupid, maybe no one should be defending us.

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Nutz January 12, 2010 at 21:35

“What benefits, exactly, do military spouses get, divorced or otherwise?”

Military retirement is counted as joint property in divorce proceedings. That means the retirement the military member earned by staying active duty for 20+ years can be divided up with half going to the wife who didn’t sacrifice a day in her life. I say “her” because the vast majority of those benefiting from this Uniformed Services Former Spouses Protection Act are female.

I don’t know what the duration of marriage needs to be to get 50% of the retirement as I’ve been told it’s a graduated system (longer you’re together more the spouse gets), but I know it happens all the time which is what’s led to folks challenging it in recent years:

http://www.stripes.com/article.asp?section=104&article=49110
http://www.ulsg.org/

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Nutz January 12, 2010 at 21:39

When you join the military you essentially give up your civil rights and accept being controlled by the govt. That’s part and parcel of being in the military. Part of that is being under tight control that far exceeds that of civilians. Because of this it’s not a stretch to see the military banning members from getting married until the age of 25, or making them jump through all sorts of hoops like they do under 25s that want to do high risk activities such as motorcycle riding, bungee jumping, sky diving, etc. Personally I think they should go through with it: no marriage until E-4/O-3 or 25 years old, whichever comes first.

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Dan January 28, 2010 at 21:38

The problem with female divorces in the military has nothing to do with social stigmas, misguided army programs, or even the type of women who serve. The problem is that the overwhelming majority of women in the military are entering relationships based off of the circumstances of their situation, rather than a conscious choice of their partner.

If you look at the differences between who male’s in the military marry and who females do, you will see a huge difference in the relationship process. Most men in the military, have to make a conscious choice and effort to be with a person that they like, only 10% of the army is female. So the majority of men are forced to look elsewhere to find partners. We have to go out, and meet women in our off time (something that has become much more limited since the war started) and find one that interests us, and then make time to go and be with them. Often requiring us to make sacrifices in our personal and professional lives just to see if there is prospect of a good relationship. As a result, men are often less likely to engage in a less than optimal relationship as it takes a great deal of sacrifice to have, and 9 out of 10 won’t be involved with another service member based off of statistics alone.

The story for women in the military is an entirely different matter. In my 5 years, and 3 stints overseas, I have not seen one female marry, or even enter a relationship with someone who isn’t a fellow service member. You would think that being out numbered nine to one, that the military would be the perfect place for a woman to find a mate, but yet females have a divorce rate three times higher than their male counter-parts. There are several reasons why, but primarily its because most females engage in relationships based on the circumstances that they are in, not because of an active choice to spend time with someone that interests them. The overwhelming majority of females in the military simply are marrying the co-worker that they get to spend the most time with.

Another huge difference is not where men and women are choosing their mates, but when. Because males are usually forced to look outside of the service for a mate, we are also forced to look during our rotations back stateside. When we are at our most relaxed, secure, and lets be honest……mentally stable! Females however seem to make their choices in partners during deployments…. when you are the most stressed, lonely and mentally compromised. This often leads to deployment couplings that would never occur during peace time.

Because most of these couplings are happening during deployments, Females are actually being exposed to far less men than they normally would! Despite the military being a male dominated institution, females are very rarely in male dominated fields. If you kook at any brigade or task force sized element, between 80 to 90% of the females that belong to it are either in the HHC or FSC elements. And are often physically separated from their subordinate units which are male dominate or sometimes such as with the case of infantry and artillery units, male exclusive. This leaves women with a much smaller pool of people they know to draw from than what an outsider would think, where as stateside there are many more opportunities to mingle with both soldiers from other units, and civilians in the outside world.

The net result? Women who are stressed, lonely, and desperately wanting to be consoled, spending nearly every day isolated with a small group of men of are just as stressed, lonely, and just as desperate themselves. If you leave a man and a woman alone in a box long enough, they are going to fall in love, and relationships that wouldn’t last a month in the real world become marriages. Marriages that don’t survive once deployment ends and the box is opened.

So despite the over whelming adversity Males are having a much better success rate than females in the marriage department. While they generally have more fight loneliness more than their female counterparts, it forces most males to form relationships based on choice, during periods of calm and stability. While most women are forming relationships based on the circumstances of their isolation, and during periods or turmoil, and loneliness.

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Novaseeker January 28, 2010 at 21:46

Interesting info Dan, thanks for that.

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Jerry C March 15, 2010 at 11:08

@Matt – Evidently you don’t follow the news from Ft. Bragg, NC much. Let me assure you, there have been PLENTY of “one last missions” executed (so to speak) by redeployed soldiers there and probably at other high op-tempo installations. You’re absolutely right – the military and the legal system practically hand them an incentive to off their wives.

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Reginald April 1, 2010 at 01:22

You don’t have to be a genius to figure out what’s happening here: There’s no other type of Woman who is exposed to so many horny young Men as a Woman in the Military is.

Putting someone’s wife in the Military is nothing less than the premeditated murder of his marriage, as there’s only so much temptation a female can be expected to take.

And even if a Female in the Military somehow manages to avoid the constant temptation of consensual sex, the chances are extremely high that she’ll end up being Raped.

It’s the minority of Women in the Military who don’t put out who are being targeted for Rape.

Why did we let Women in the Military again?

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Reginald April 1, 2010 at 01:26

“Why should that be? I have wondered about the accuracy of that claim :

1) The SAHM would get an alimony windfall, while the employed woman would get much less, or even nothing.
2) The SAHM watches misandric television all day, while the employed woman does not have time for that.”

Horsemen,

It’s only when there’s no real satisfaction in a marriage that the typical Woman will start to think about whether she can get money out of a divorce.

Stay At Home Mothers are happy enough that for the most part they are impervious to the temptations of alimony, or the propaganda of the television set.

Working Mothers, on the other hand, are miserable enough that they’d look for some way to escape the marriage even if there was no financial incentive whatsoever.

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rlo August 5, 2010 at 04:17

I think this is sad that women are getting a bad wrap. My husband had an affair on me, in the desert in Iraq while I was deployed as well. His girlfriend was always around when I would get to visit and she pretended to be my friend. She returned to Michigan, filed for divorce from her husband thinking my husband would leave me. He told her he wasn’t leaving me. When I found out about the affair I confronted her and him. I FILED FOR DIVORCE BECAUSE MY HUSBAND HAD AN AFFAIR! Not because I wanted anything from him. We are both military and I think you are all foolish if you think women want to just drag their spouse throught the ringer! You are all foolish if you think it’s all the womens fault! Well lets get the record strait….most men have cheated on their wives! Yes, women can do the same thing but I will not be classified in this category as a woman who did this. I loved my husband and thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. He betrayed me and hurt me. He got everything he wanted and left me with nothing so really….get your facts strait before you start reporting crap!

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Brenda L Teixiera August 21, 2010 at 05:48

I would like to know why the divorce rate is so high at retirement age or time. These men think that they can just check us and their children in like a piece of issued equipment, shut the door and keep on walking. Its like they have no history and responsibilities to the spouse that kept and things together while at any time they can walk in and out that door with no worries. The military teaches the spouses to keep things going while the active duty person is gone and we do. When that active duty person comes back they expect everthing to be the same as when they left. then at retirement they walk through that door and never let it hit them in the ass and never look back they are ready for a new life. Please explain this to me I know some of it is male mentapause and the rest is what the military teaches them. What can be done about this. The divorce rate at this age of retirement is much higher than in the civilan world and I want to know why and how the military can fix or aid in this rapidly growing a alarming issue.

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Christy A. Brown December 1, 2010 at 04:41

I don’t agree to some…….. divorce is very high in uniformed men because of infidelity on their part. Women/ spouses are left back home lonely….while their husbands are having pleasure and having an affair with somebody else where they are assigned. Yeah, maybe their life is in danger and they are also alone and lonely..but that is not enough reason for infidelity because we, their wives, are also missing them but then we keep to be loyal and control our temptations.

There are too many clubs outside the bases with young ladies. And since boys will always be boys…born polygamous, they can’t resist temptation without even thinking of their family back home. So, if that would be the case…then it’s better to have divorce if you can’t keep your loyalty to your wife and family. They are not worth the trust. And if there is no trust in a marriage, better not to stay together. Even if they will given a second chance.. they will keep on doing it and it is unfair for the wife and children.

I, myself wanted a divorce not for anything else but because of infidelity of my husband..not just once, not just twice but even more… so why should i let him keep on doing the same thing over and over. I had enough, i have given enough chances to make our marriage work even if we don’;t have children because i wanted to save it. I do care for our marriage and i do love him. But, i don’t think he cares because if he does then maybe he will not hurt me over and over. Yeah he kept on promising to change because he said he loves me so much and he can’t imagine life with out me….but i am not happy anymore. If he can’t change and will just keep breaking his promises, then maybe i can do the change for myself by filing a divorce.

Benefits? All i am getting from him is very small, enough for the everyday expenses. I don’t even know what are the benefits that i am entitled of and how much is his salary and all the benefits that he is getting. I don’t have any idea. I don’t think you can call it benefits. I think what he is giving me is not even 25% of what he is getting from the military. I would rather work for myself and start a new life. I can earn even more from what i am getting from him. The NERVE!!!

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Bobbi January 21, 2011 at 01:59

So I stumbled upon this looking for studies on the civilian divorce rate compared to military divorce rate and am, quite frankly, laughing hysterically at all the misguided information you have put into words for people to really believe.
First and foremost, I am former Navy and a woman. AND I have been married for 13 years who also happens to be Navy.
Second, the Navy frowns upon sex in the workplace, to the point of dismantling careers over it. That’s not to say it doesn’t happen, because it does. But, it is not encouraged at any rate.
Third, the military member receives BAH – that’s housing subsidy. There are 2 kids: one with dependents, one without. If a military member receives dependent BAH, he or she CAN get put themselves on a VERY long waiting list for military family housing. However, all BAH is required to go to that military housing installation. Most military housing installations that I have personally seen are in very sketchy neighborhoods, poor school districts, and are poorly maintained. Not to mention they are so strict that grass is measured and management are allowed to come into the home with short notice to inspect the quarters.

There are too many “bad apples” that maintain the infidelity stereotype for all of the military and those that are faithful (spouses and members alike) in the truest sense of the word are clustered into the stereotype.

I don’t think that one’s own situation or one’s own idea of what the military IS what is the military. I have only known two to three people in 20 years of military life to actually get a divorce over infidelity. Regardless, the overall divorce rate of civilians is 4.95% which is roughly half of civilian marriage and more than the military rate.
Deployments also have little to do with divorce rate as studies have shown that those who have deployed more and for longer period of times have longer last marriages and less divorce rates. Also, the number one cause of divorce amungst military members? Money.

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Bobbi January 21, 2011 at 02:05

PS. To Ms. Brown,

Sorry you got a bad apple, but not all men nor all men in the military are like your ex-husband.
The benefits you are entitled to depends upon how long you have been married to him vs. how long he has been in the military. You do not receive any kind of retirment unless you have been married at least half of his time served. You also will not receive health care benefits after the divorce, unless you have been married at least half of his enlistment.
You are quite lucky to be receiving enough for the day to day expenses as military members do not make a lot.

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LR September 28, 2011 at 08:27

“Women with intense and time-consuming careers (such as the military) are generally more likely to divorce. Most husbands do not value their wives employment over her other duties and will discount her if she devotes too much effort to her career.”

True. Most men don’t want their wives working outside the home because wives who work outside the home are more likely to be tempted to have extramarital affairs than husbands who do. And successful career wives suffer more domestic violence because of this.

In addition, the reason why female soldiers divorce more often than male soldiers do is because it’s an unfeminine profession, like police, firefighting, computer-engineering, and also, if they get raped by fellow male member or any other male outside the service and/or gets pregnant, they can get charged with adultery real easily because it’s easy to think that she’s cheating. Sometimes they can become lesbian or bisexual as well. There’s still a lot of stigma about females and males in non-traditional jobs that don’t fit their gender.

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Richard Dreiling August 10, 2012 at 14:14

You people who have no idea what it is like to have a parent come home from war and not return to their families zip it, the pain never goes away!!!!

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Bob June 29, 2014 at 23:36

A Divorced female spouse does not receive any part of a retiree’s benefits unless they have been married and together for 17 years of his active duty career.

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