Yesterday I was reading RooshV’s recent post “18 Reasons Guys Don’t Get Laid” and one of those reason has been something on my mind lately, what I consider to be a fundament of what some call Inner Game-not looking like a slob.
In Manosphere circles, of which I consider the Game/PUA portion to be a part of, there’s a great deal made of how Women in our time have let themselves go-you don’t need me to recount the ways. Virtually every week, if not more frequently, somebody out in the Manosphere will bemoan the Dowdying of Feminine America in one way or another, usually in the most unflattering of terms. While there is certainly something to be said here, I’ve always found the exercise itself to be the very kinds of feminine behavior (bitching, whining and moaning) that so many Men one, claim to despise, and two, are supposed to be above; afterall, to be a Man is to take the bull by the horns and make things happen, NOT sit on the sidelines and bleat on and on about shit nobody, least of all YOU, can do a darned thing about.
Right?
So, in light of the aforementioned, and in solidarity with Roosh (somebody I’ll definitely be reading more of in the coming weeks), I thought to dedicate the first of what I hope will be many posts focused on helping guys up their Game for real.
So let’s begin. Like Roosh said, are you a fright to see naked? Don’t get me wrong here-no one’s saying you gots to have six pack abs and 0% body fat-but looking like the Michelin Man, like you’re about to ape Octomom any minute, hell to the naw, that does NOT make a Woman moist. The Obsidian Axiom #10 is very clear on this point: when you’re fully clothed, take a look down-if you cannot see your belt buckle, you could stand to lose a couple.
And you don’t need to join a gym to do it-Russell Crowe got in shape for his role in The Gladiator by doing farm work. In fact, and I say this as a lifelong Blue Collar Guy, it was rare to see many Men having pot bellies, double chins and the like. Simply put, the more active you are, the more likely you’ll be in shape. Make it a point to move your ass early and often. Walk-alot.
Next, let’s consider your grooming. While they’re some posers and haters out there, I proudly proclaim the Axe line of Men’s grooming products to be a Godsend to Humanity, because as a Man I know for a fact that A LOT OF GUYS STINK. To me, Axe is akin to the Garanimal clothing line they had for kids way back in the day, where you matched things up according to the animal you saw on the clothing. Axe makes it really simple for a guy to wash his ass, AND the best part? It didn’t cost an arm and a leg to d it either. Hey, if you can afford to go all out on toiletries and cologne, do your thing bro, but most guys, especially the slobs, either can’t or don’t yet see the value in such an exercise. Axe is a great starting point, and believe me when I tell you, the Ladies WILL thank you for it.
Next-the haircut. Now admittedly, we Brothas are a bit tighter in this regard, so I’m afraid this has to be aimed abit more at our Brothers from Another Mother, so to speak-unless you’re a certain type of personality, loose the Steven Seagal ponytail, that’s so 90s. Same deal for the combover-if you’re losing your hair, SHAVE IT ALL OFF. Women like neatness in a Man, and having a nicely clan shaven head can and will turn many a Woman on, even, especially, those who don’t normally go in for that sort of thing. Same deal w/the grungey stubble thing happening that I see a lot of Hipster White Guys do-it’s not appealing and makes you look dirty. Get a good shaver and shave.
Staying in shape will reflect well on your face because it will emphasize your jawline; this will work very well if you aim to rock a beard or goatee, which has always been seen as an “Alpha Male” look. The trick is to keep it groomed nicely, but if done well, Women will most definitely like it.
Next, clothes, and this goes for both White and Black guys, who tend to be on the extremes of the spectrum here. White guys tend to wear their clothes too tight; lots of Brothas, too darned loose/big. There needs to be a kind of meeting of the minds here. White guys-WEAR A BELT WITH YOUR PANTS. That’s what the belt loops are for, and Women LOVE a Man who accessorizes well. That means, hats, gloves, scarves, belts, etc. You don’t have to go into hock for this sort of thing, just take a Sunday afternoon at Target or H&M and look around and try out stuff. You’ll be surprised what you find.
Brothas-PULL YOUR PANTS UP. No one is interested in looking at your boxer-encased butt or worse, your impersonation of Joe The Plumber Asscrack. And those long as White Tees? Oh my. Yo, Dickies are a line of clothing FOR WORK, so if you’re gonna wear em, actually have ajob to go with it, OK? And I don’t know where the idea of aping Charlie Brown’s baseball cap thing came from, but it looks absolutely ridiculous, and it needs to stop, pronto.
Many Brothas like to wear their hair long, like in braids or locs-that’s cool, but KEEP IT UP. Nothing looks worse that a Thug Nigga who really does look like a Thug. One of the great things about having styles like that is that you can always get a Sista who’ll only be too happy to do your hair for you. So hop to.
In a nutshell fellas, instead of complaining about how Women today look, how about taking a good looking in the mirror and objectively assessing how YOU look? Take some care about your appearance. You don’t have to be the next Brad Pitt or Denzel Washington, but you can look a lot better than you currently do-and while its true that Men are more visually driven than Women, keep in mind they ain’t Helen Keller, either. Women have always liked a well dressed, fit Man, and always will. Follow these simple rules and watch your Game takeoff.
Now adjourn your grimey asses.
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Axe is terrible. Anything coming out of an aerosol can should be used to kill bugs. Especially since sprays seem to be an invitation for a veritable carpet-bombing of odor for most guys.
Son you trying to cover up your smell, not smoking out a bunker full of Tojos on Tarawa. Overdoing deodorant and cologne can be just as bad as not using any at all. Don’t be a mobile one-man gas chamber.
I used to wonder if my stepson’s strategy for getting girls was to knock them unconscious from the cologne and then drag them home by the hair. Axe (or Old Spice, or whatever) is okay, but overuse among young men today is rampant.
Yeah, I like a guy who smells nice. But soap and water (regularly) and a good antiperspirant are all he really needs. And clean hair. If he wants to get sweaty with my face pressed into the crook of his neck, it’s a good idea if his hair is not full of grease and doesn’t smell like raw hamburger. Just sayin’.
LOL! Yea, there definitely is something to be said for guys using a bit too much cologne. The trick is only to “tease” with it, which for guys is tough, because Women have a sharper and sensitive sense of smell than do Men.
Personally, I don’t use Axe spray, just the soap/bodywash, and I’ve never had any complaints. As for colonges, I tend to use body oils more than anything else, and again, just a “tease” of it. Women can and often are seduced right through their nose. Don’t clobber her in he head w/your smell goods-instead, put out just a mild whiff. She’ll pickup on it, & she’ll like it. Works for me.
The Obsidian
Personally, I like Gillette products for some reason (probably because I started with them).
I don’t use cologne, feeling that the natural scent is probably better — an unscented anti-perspirant is enough for me. One of the reasons for frequent showering, I always thought, was to bring out the natural scent of a man that would otherwise be concealed by a layer of grime.
When it comes to soaps, I’ve often wished I could more easily get pine soap. I like the smell of pine. Perhaps spruce would be good, too.
Hmmm… I used to use all the fancy colognes when I was younger, but now rarely at all. I stopped because I noticed I got the most compliments about my smell when I was just “me.” No cologne, just nice and squeaky clean… and, being a smoker, I even still get the “smell nice” compliments when up close.
Mind you, the methane powered Dutch Ovens I will warm up for her beneath the blankets during the night… that will send her a screamin’ down the lane in the morning.
Heh heh.
Perfect.
Personally I use odorless roll on deodorant (Nivea is a good brand) and two squirts (never over-do it) of cologne.
Btw fedrz, what brand do you smoke?
As per the thinning hair thing – I agree 100%.
Don’t only do it for the ladies, but especially, do it for yourself.
The worst part about losing your hair is… losing your hair! It is not the state of bald that sucks, it is the ever changing state of going bald that will drive you half cuckoo.
I battled with that crap for years… changing hairstyles, combing it this way, then that… more spray… more gel… then next year, less hair… new haircut… etc etc. Finally, I just went zzzzziiiipppppppppp! And it was the best thing I have ever done in regard to this situation.
No more hats, no more giving a shit, nobody pokes fun of a guy who is purposefully bald. The act of taking control of the situation already improves your mental state, and also, walking around and no longer giving a shit about it will do wonders for your confidence in all areas of life, from work to friends to women.
There is something extremely bold – and thus, alluring – about a man who just says screw it, and no longer cares about whether he has hair. There is nothing more beta than hiding behind a hat or a combover. Even in the profession of sales, they advise to ixnay the combover, because it sends subconscious signals to others that the person is trying to “cover something up,” and leads to negative first impressions.
Makes for cheap haircuts and shampoo products too!
Johnny Bravo,
I’m a Canadian, so I smoke du Maurier.
When I lived in the States and in Europe, I smoked Marlboro Lights King Size.
I would have killed for a pack of du Maurier when I lived there though, lol.
Only problem is for us white guys who have to cover up in the sun. My grandpa went bald at a young age and got skin cancer on his scalp (fortunately cured). I’m glad I’m not balding, but I don’t really feel like my luxuriant hair has done much for me besides keep my head warm, to tell the truth.
As for the hair: Keep it short. Seriously.
There are only 3 valid reasons to have long hair (let alone a ponytail) as a man:
1) You are a barbarian. Literally, as in a bloodthirsty warrior of the cold central Asian steppes or the Scottish highlands.
2) You are an Argentinian tango instructor.
3) You live in the 80s (can I borrow your time machine sometime?).
If none of the above apply, cut that shit off. Keep your hair short, and please avoid emo haircuts. Even if you manage to attract a hipster girl she’ll cheat on you, and all guys will think you’re a fag. If you are balding, as mentioned above, go for the chrome dome.
What about beards, though? Personally I think that big beards are for mullahs, goatees are for pedophiles, and having no sign of a beard at all means you should wait a bit more (until your balls drop) before you hit the dating scene.
Stubble seems to work best for me, so usually I shave the night before rather than in the morning, though it makes little difference since my beard grows so fast I look like Osama if I neglect shaving for even two days.
Btw personally I smoke Winston Lights, though I used to smoke Camel Natural Lights. Never had du Maurier, will have to check for those the next time I’m at a duty free. Also, people are too pussy about smoking these days.
How about when you perfectly know all the things you need to do in order to get laid, but you just don’t feel like doing it?
I hate the word “Game” and I hate the suggestion that any average joe can turn himself into some sort of lothario.
AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD….NOOOOO SKINNY JEANS!!
My question about it is this – how much maintenance does it take to have a chrome dome? I don’t mind going to the barber every couple of months but having to have someone shave my head more often than that (weekly?) sounds like a PITA.
In a somewhat related note, what is the best solution for a close shave of the face?
What is the purpose of this grooming advice again? Is it to attract chicks? Why bother?
I believe it’s for those that are interested in attracting chicks, yes. But there are other qualities to “Game” as well that will work in the workplace, social interactions, and first impressions that have nothing to do with sex.
Also, for some people it’s a favor to your fellow Man, you can’t really smell yourself due to accustomization, but others still can.
Tarl,
I just bought a good pair of clippers and do it myself once a week.
I don’t go 100% shaved, but just zip it evenly down to the lowest level. I am blond, so I like to have at least the semblence of some hairline there, albeit, down to a 10th of an inch or so. About once a month or so, I ask someone to check the fuzz on the back of my neck and neaten it up for me.
The clippers cost around $35.
A bottle of shampoo lasts me for ages. I use it more to lather my face to shave in the shower.
About the short hair – agreed. As a man I generally don’t trust men with hair longer than a finger.
There’s also a thin line between good grooming and effeminacy when it comes to hair styling products. If your “look” takes more than a minute or two to achieve, you need to shave your head and take some time to think about what you’re done.
RE: Axe, I am a sucker for good marketing, but body spray is too much.
Tarl,
every 8th day for me, I use a razor which got too rough for my face, and soap as lubricant… total cost 0.00
& as you age for god’s sake don’t forget to trim the hair growing out of your nose and ears…
Tarl,
If you can spend the time, you’ll get the best shaves using a safety razor and lather made from real soap with a badger hair brush. It takes a good deal longer than using canned shaving foam and a disposable, but it is worth it if you value a close shave and the comfort of your face.
If that’s a no-go, at least try using real lather, created by some sort of brush. Even crap disposable razors are better with brushed-up lather.
I only cut my hair a few times a year, but I don’t think it ever gets as long as a finger (at least not one of my fingers).
I used to shave my head, but that was a long time ago, back in my street fighting days…
“In men, by contrast, good looks appear to count for little, with handsome men being no more successful than others in terms of numbers of children. This means there has been little pressure for men’s appearance to evolve.”
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/science/article6727710.ece
Makes sense. Women get their brains (when they have them) from their fathers, and men get their looks from their mothers.
The thing with that article AH, is there is no absolute standard for beauty.
Is there a standard for beauty?
Female beauty has certainly changed over time. Once, big hips (Dutch Bum Disease), and pale skin were theeeeeeee sexiest… but today, not so much.
Beauty is relative. To a certain degree, of course.
As is, I believe, the validity of said researcher’s degrees.
As long as there is no discernable ABSOLUTE yard stick to measure beauty… it is all subject to question.
Once they make myself as the new Adonis, and require all men to resemble myself… only THEN, will there be a real definition of beauty!
Until then… yet someone else in Academia is making $144,000 off of my tax dollars, and it pisses me off!
@fedrz
“Once they make myself as the new Adonis, and require all men to resemble myself… only THEN, will there be a real definition of beauty!”
Absolutely. I have always thought this to be the case.
If he doesn’t look like Fedrz, he is a man without good looks.
Me too! Although I’ve since switched to bargain smokes because I’m chruchmouse poor right now. But du Maurier, how I miss your smooth taste. Sigh.
Perhaps Fedrz could post a pic. I mean, we’ve seen Zed in all his bearded glory, and I must say Welmer is also one handsome dude. I want to see Fedrz now. Full frontal, if it would help me form a rounded opinion.
Your wisdom exceeds all knowledge previously known upon earth, Harry.
I bow before you, Sensei.
It’s so hot, I had to put XXX in front of it!
XXXhttp://skinindex.com/archives/brad-pitt-nude-thumb.jpg
I’ve been cruising around on your beaches for the past two summers, Kis… keep your eye out for the disenfranchised guy, sneaking a joint by the picnic tables…
Yeah, I’d make it to the sand, but you know how it is…
You know, I might find that amusing if I liked Brad Pitt.
And I know y’all aren’t walking around naked on the beaches here. Even in August, there’d be significant shrinkage, ifyouknowwhatImean.
LOOOL!!!
You guys are loonies…entertainig and beautiful, but loonies…
entertaining
About working out, I find it quite noticable how people change their behaviour after one gains some muscle mass from strenght training. Even if its only about 7kg (15 pounds) people seem to react to it. Its a mix of behaviours but it does seem that women on a base level take notice of a mans physical condition. Have also noticed that changing ones physique seems to challenge the social equilibrium/interaction in subtle ways in the workplace (seems people are still ruled by atavistic conditioning/instincts). And yet I am not a big guy, just a bit less skinny nowadays.
I’ve got a couple of remarks:
1) Regarding long hair / ponytails. I’ve got black hair that reaches below my shoulders – longer than my girlfriends hair. I mentioned cutting it short once and she almost physically tried to stop me.
2) Regarding shaving. My girlfriend seems to like it if my facial hair is a *little* on the scruffy side.
You should probably allow for individual variances in girls’ preferences.
Also, what’s the “right personality” for long hair / ponytail on men?
“Your wisdom exceeds all knowledge previously known upon earth, Harry.”
Indeed, Fedrz. Indeed.
But, I have to tell you; this can all be a bit of a burden sometimes.
It is certainly not easy knowing all that there is to know.
No room for improvement. No possibility of further growth.
But it is a cross that I have to bear – for the sake of the Universe.
Ho Hum.
Brothas-PULL YOUR PANTS UP. No one is interested in looking at your boxer-encased butt or worse, your impersonation of Joe The Plumber Asscrack.
Crack is whack!
Also, don’t use too much hair gel. I see a good bit of guys who try this to impress the ladies and they end up looking like used car salesmen. Your natural soft hair is much more appealing.
Are you a fright to see naked? No just the opposite. I have been a weight trainer for twenty years. Most people think I am in my forties and are shocked when I tell them I am nearly 60. I have in fact just come back from the gym.
Do I care about getting laid? Look I am not going to let my baser hormones dominate any of my thinking. May be once but not now. So I don’t give a dam about getting laid. I don’t give a dam about women in any way. To me they are not worth considering as human at all.
Sure I still have desires and needs but I see these as character flaws rather than anything else. Also sex demeans men as it takes away their better self and free will and makes them an attachment to a woman’s body.
***Good points all around.
I’ll just add 2 things but keep in mind this old adage and you can’t go wrong with attracting (and keeping) female attention: the devil is in the detail.
#1) Keep your fingernails clean. In Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, my coach used to line us up before every sparring session and make us hold our hands out, palms down. He wanted to make sure our nails were cut and clean. Not to the quick mind you, but low enough to where the intimate grabbing and choking would not break the skin of your partner and CAUSE INFECTION. Especially after wrestling on sweaty, bacteria and germ-filled mats. Repeat: keep your fingernails well groomed.
#2) Shine your shoes. The cultural sign of wealth in many places outside 1WS is a NICE PAIR OF SHOES. Real hard-bottomed shoes, not sneakers. With cobblers gone the way of the Dodo bird in Anglosphere, take a few moments each week to get some Kiwi polish, a spray bottle and a old cloth and shine your shoes. With every scuff removed, you come closer to mirror imaging that guy that always as for his martinis, “shaken, not stirred.”
That’s my $0.02
One caveat applies to shaving the head: Be sure you don’t have any disgusting scalp fungus. If you do, see a dermatologist or leave 6 mm of hair to disguise it.
Other than that, get a standard double-sided safety razor.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safety_razor
It takes cheap-ass blades that work better than the expensive four-bladed silliness cartridges. Each blade has just two edges, but they stay sharp long enough to shave your face and scalp. A straight-razor is for street fighting, not shaving.
Don’t bother with shaving cream. A little soap will get you started if your skin is very dry.
Hats can be used if you don’t have sunglasses or suntan lotion to keep your scalp from frying. I use an outdoor hat suitable for fishing or hiking. When I don’t need it, I can fold it flat and it looks no worse for wear the next time I need it.
Here’s a little secret, guys: diet pills aren’t always speed to make your metabolism run faster. Some of them are appetite killers. I was a little on the tubby side until I tried diet pills, hoping for a little energy boost. Instead I lost a hell of a lot of weight, but I can still lift the same amount at the gym.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sibutramine
My pharmacist is actually going to cut me off pretty soon, because even in this country, they don’t like anorexia. However, my stomach has shrunk, and my diet habits have changed, so I plan to keep the lard off.
“Brothas-PULL YOUR PANTS UP. ”
Looks funny when they run for the bus…
Don’t forget your breath too, most important.
I cut my hair with a swiss-army knife, but since I have a shag do my uneven cuts actually enhance the look.
“Also, what’s the “right personality” for long hair / ponytail on men?”
Know the character “Daryll” from Kids in the Hall?
Heh. Thanks, Kis, but I never learned Game because it was too easy for me as a kid, back when I was pretty boy. Therefore, I don’t think your looks mean all that much if you’re a guy, and they might hurt you because you get complacent. Better to be rugged and mysterious, I think.
But if you want, I’ll get in shape and do a romance novel cover for you — I do have some modeling experience, and I’m probably about the right age for that now.
In this post Obsidian wants to effeminize and metrosexualize modern Western men even more, as he admits on his own blog that he is an “a 21st Century, Urban Dandy”; he wants modern men to remove all physical evidence of their maleness – body/facial hair, body odor, baldness, male clothes, and so on – and thus look, act, smell, and dress more like women.
In this post he says over and over that we should do this because “women will like it” – as if the highest goal in men is to endlessly pander to what women want.
Truly pathetic.
I actually prefer rugged and mysterious to pretty boys. Ooh, and brooding, too. A nice facial scar helps, too. Call me weird, but it’s what I like. Mmmm.
As for modeling for a romance novel cover, just remember: shirt unbuttoned, but tucked in. Oh, and a mullet.
Eman: Women aren’t naturally hairless, have plucked eyebrows, wear make up. Being bald isn’t female either, going bald is essentially a male thing. Shaving your head is only if you are going bald already. Nowhere did Obsidian say go after the body hair (no, man, have hair on your chest!) and he supported beards/goatees.
Essentially you can’t feminise a man unless you do the following:
a) add fat to his breasts and butt.
b) feminise his body language and vocal tonality.
The rest is social construct. We live in a society; if I have to shave to appear more sexually attractive, clean-smelling, neat and civilised (with the latter two applying not just to the opposite sex) then it’s not ridiculous that you do in a much more limited way, with a distinct male rather than female pattern determined by what is accepted in your world as such.
In any case, his post was ‘this is how to simply modify your looks in order to appeal to women.’
Not ‘The highest priority with regards to your looks is how to appeal to women.’
He was telling you the rules and it is upto you how and why you break them.
kis: You forgot to remind him to bring his ’subtle’ phallic object of choice with him. Usually a huge sword.
But I think a spearhead, for this one!
Haha!
“Oh, oh, please stop! Your sword is making a dent in my person!”
But it was not his sword, as she was to discover later. It was his pistol.
Eman, I get your point.
Obsidian definitely sounds like a metrofag. But thats not his fault. He is confounding grooming/general look, with style. In men those 2 things can be completely separated.
We can wake up in the morning, still half-drunk, light a cigar instead of eating a fruit, but then quickly put on a dress shirt, and be awesome.
I also was disappointed by the general topic of this post, because I consider The-Spearhead more about social discussion to an almost philosophic level, and not personnal selfishness. Like wanting to get laid.
A fortiori I don’t think this is the right place for newcomers learning Game. The step is too big imo.
Most of Obsidian’s advice would help a man in other areas of his life, not just with women. The whole “dress for the job you want, not the job you have” thing. People are more likely to take a woman seriously if she wears understated, feminine clothes instead of looking like a whore, and they’re more likely to take a man seriously if his pants aren’t halfway off his ass and he smells like he’s showered in the recent past than if he’s dressed like a thug and smells like he’s never been alone with a bar of soap.
I’d like to add one thing to the list: Toenail clippers. Not only do women cringe at untrimmed toenails, keeping them short and smooth saves on socks, too.
“In a nutshell fellas, instead of complaining about how Women today look, how about taking a good looking in the mirror and objectively assessing how YOU look?”
I swear I was reading a passage from Maxim when I read that.
Whatever.
“As for the hair: Keep it short. Seriously.”
Just deal with it. Seriously.
Kis you still don’t get it.
We are talking about basic hygiene here. And if you still have a ponytail in 2009 you DERSERVE not to get laid.
You go further by comparing our external appearance with women. This is simply like comparing apples to oranges. Women value is based solely on their external physique. Men can totally bypass that with their personna. A friend of mine is still dressing like in highschool, but girls are always after him. His charism is like a shortcircuit, the women just cannot see his physique, they are simply attracted. Hes a little bit fat too.
I shower once every 2-3 days. I wash my hair once a week maximum. I eat healthy and my natural manly scent is good*. Women still love to be close to me. More than ever I will add.
On another note,we are currently in a society completly neurotic about cleanliness. To the point of phobia. Killing 99.99% germs in your house is not necessarly a good thing. I personnally think the constant growth in kids allergies is a side-effect. They cannot developp a proper immune system. This is all part of a global hyper-protectionism mentality (read PC and feminism). Avoiding at all cost a small pain that could in the end be beneficiary, both mentally and physically.
*http://www.themedguru.com/articles/men_s_armpit_odor_attracts_women_study-7324257.html = Synchronisation of menstruation when in repetitive contact of male scent.
Also you can search about the synchronisation of menstruation when women are living together.