Steve Pavlina, who has made a name for himself as a skillful and successful blogger, drawing huge amounts of traffic through his fascinating “Personal Development for Smart People” articles, has separated from his wife and is facing divorce ruin. Steve has always been good at putting a positive spin on things, and is a major proponent of “Inner Game,” but it looks like his adventures finally led to the likely conclusion.
Steve began experimenting with “polyamory” recently, probably because, well… here he is with his wife:
Look at the painful grimace on Steve’s face. Poor fella!
Here is another photo that provides an amusing contrast (note lack of ring on left hand):
Looks a bit more enthusiastic there, doesn’t he? Same expression, but yet something is clearly different… Funny how easy it is to see, isn’t it?
Seems his separation took him by surprise. According to Steve, he didn’t know until this month what was coming down the pipe:
Did you know about this before or during the October workshop?
No, this decision was made afterwards. It was partly the awareness-raising effect of the workshop itself that encouraged us to take a deeper look at our relationship. If you had told me at the start of the workshop that this is where we’d be today, I wouldn’t have believed you.
“Awareness-raising effect” sounds like code for “my wife caught me sneaking into some girl’s hotel room after meeting her at the workshop.”
Nevertheless, Steve doesn’t fail to put a positive spin on things, even alimony if you can believe it:
I don’t mind taking on more of a financial burden in this case, not just with the bigger mortgage but with alimony and childcare payments too.
My bet is that “I don’t mind” actually means “given California divorce law, I have no choice.”
To his credit, Steve is fairly honest about what led to his divorce. His experiments with “polyamory,” which likely favored him over his wife (just look at the photo), were apparently the precipitating factor:
Did polyamory play a role in this?
To a certain extent, yes. It helped us discover new truths about ourselves.
This year we both opened ourselves up to having deeper intimate connections with other people. This was a bit of an exploration process. It gave both of us more clarity to see that our marriage wasn’t the best vehicle for our long-term happiness. We were happy in some areas but not in others. We had reached a dead-end and needed to let go of the marriage to get around it. Otherwise we’d end up working harder and harder trying to make each other happy, with worsening results.
Steve, we’re all sorry it came to this. A gamesman and entrepreneur who has served as a role model to thousands of people is facing the financial dry-cleaning of his life, and all because your wife caught you with your polyamorous pants down.
But Steve, we’ve got your back. Put up a fight (we know you will), and stick to your guns. You’ll come out of this OK, and far, far wiser than before.
I look forward to more news from Steve Pavlina, who is obviously a brilliant guy and has been an inspiration to many a blogger — he was one of the blogosphere’s first and best success stories. If he can handle his divorce as well as he’s handled some of his other foibles (read the part about his arrest for grand theft), we should all pay close attention to the lessons he imparts.