[Plug: my blog is here.]
Late October 2001: It was early in my freshman year that I noticed the change. Friends, especially female, began avoiding me. Certain people wouldn’t make eye contact with me. At first I thought I was imagining this, or that the rapidly chilling weather was souring peoples’ moods. Some people suddenly became aloof or flat-out refused to talk to me. I received a couple of threatening but vague emails. Through all of this, I had no idea what was going on, or why so many people I’d never even met hated me. I’d arrive at a party and my name would be shouted by someone I’d never met. It’s HIM! What was I famous for? Not until later would I find out.
This story goes back to September of that year, around the first week of classes. The woman at the start of this saga is one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, and she’s in no way responsible for what transpired. We started hanging out. We became close quickly, but I didn’t want to start dating her (or anyone) at the time. I’d only been in college for one month! So, I got to a point where I had to turn her away from going any further. She fades from the story at this point. Her insane roommate does not. The crazy roommate enters with force.
Livid that her roommate and new “best friend” could be rejected, she decides to bring revenge upon me, a man she’s never met. What kind of monster could reject such a sweet girl? She decides to spread a rumor. Rape. At this time, I’m an 18-year-old virgin and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have even known how to rape anyone. Anyway, there are three things any false rape rumor needs: a time, a place, and a victim. Time? A specific October evening, around 1:00 am. Place? A large and notorious annual off-campus party where many drunken hookups occurred. Victim? This is where my adversary had to work the hardest. No one who hasn’t been raped would volunteer for a rape kit. However, the court of small-college gossip has more relaxed standards for evidence than a court of law, so this girl could just plain make shit up. My “victim” was an unnamed friend of hers, visiting from another college over the weekend.
The rumor spread quickly, even reaching the Dean of Students through an RA. The Dean knew I couldn’t have done it, and here’s why: the weekend over which the event supposedly transpired, I was out-of-town on a college bowl trip, and the coach of the team was a friend of the Dean. I had an airtight alibi. The Dean came down hard on this girl, telling her to stop spreading such rumors, and I’m thankful that he did. Rape is a severe crime for which men should be punished harshly, but false rape accusations cheapen this grave allegation, and dilute the legitimate grievances of those who actually have been raped.
She did shut up. About rape, that is. Fast forward three months to January 2002, when she’s even angrier about being told by the Dean not to do something. Did I tell on her? (No. Actually, I was just beginning to figure out what was going on, as no one would tell me why people weren’t talking to me.) For supposedly “tattling” on her, a few of her friends hated me. I didn’t know them. To tell the truth, I knew very few people. I’d not been able to establish myself, socially speaking, with all the bizarre bullshit going around about me. This woman, who opened with the rape rumor, decided to step back to something more believable: “stalking”. I had stalked… whom? There was a girl I had asked out on her floor, early that winter. I called her room once, was rejected, and never spoke to her again. On the rumor mill, that became three calls– at 2:00 in the morning. Then “persistent” calls. Then “stalking”. Logical progression, right?
No, not right. Stalking is a serious crime. Asking a girl out, even ineptly– and knowing myself at that age, there’s no doubt in my mind that I was socially inept about it– is not “stalking”. In truth, persistently spreading rumors about someone, enlisting one’s friends to do the same, having those friends make threatening calls to his room at odd hours throughout sophomore year, and creating accounts in his name on disturbing BDSM sites is a LOT closer to stalking than asking a girl out, being turned down by her, and going away.
Rape didn’t stick. Neither did “stalking”, which by spring had fallen to the sawdust heap at the end of the rumor mill. Yet like a virus adapting to its host’s immune system, the rumor mutated into a form that was more believable. I was sketchy. What does that mean? Eight years later, I’m still not sure. When I was in college, it was a label similar to “creepy”, but even more amorphously defined. No facts are needed to back it up, a major advantage of that label for the sort of relationally aggressive, socially powerful, competitive “hyperfemale” inclined to spread rumors– facts and logic never were such a creature’s strong point. To call a man “sketchy” is to label him as socially undesirable, but with the force of “fact”. I mean, he’s sketchy! Can’t you see? Are you not with it?
This continues into sophomore year. My original assailant had calmed down, but her friends were at work. By fall of 2002, all of the (provably false) concrete rumors had fallen by the wayside. I’m not a rapist; that’s good to know. On the other hand, I’m still “sketchy”, or so I’m told. The “great” thing about the “sketchy” label is that it enabled every low-self-esteem girl I encountered to claim to have been “hit on” by me, even if we had only exchanged the most trivial pleasantries. Once I asked a student cafeteria worker, at 7:15 on a Sunday morning, where the coffee was– that was literally my only interaction with her. Three months later, her roommate came at me for “stalking” this girl; clearly, this woman had misrepresented the interaction for her own social benefit. Her motive? Well, many negative adjectives describe me, and many more did when I was younger, but “unintelligent” has never been among them. At 19, I was publishing in a number of literary magazines and active in a lot of student activities, and I wasn’t great at understating my talents. A little bit of humility on my part would’ve gone a long way. At a small elite college, being visibly smart is a reason for a woman to want the image of having been desired by a man. An unsavory reputation is, also, a reason for a woman not to date him. What do women do when they are proud of being desired by a man, but don’t want to date him? They make a big-ass fucking deal about being “hit on” by him, even if that’s a monstrous exaggeration or an outright lie.
I’m not “alpha”. My social skills are solidly average but, at this trying time of my life, were distinctly below. Admittedly, I made a number of errors that, in hindsight, made my situation worse than it had to be. Then again, not that much good could have been made of it. I had an enemy that was literally impossible to fight: a cloudy but negative reputation, a mile out ahead of me, that would be confirmed even by simple, neutral actions on my part. “Sketchy” can’t be proven or refuted, and any denial of the label would only acknowledge it. This cloud of rumor persisted throughout my four years of college.
What were its effects? All told, I did manage to have a pretty good college experience. I learned a lot, took great classes, and excelled academically. I can’t complain about the professors, academics, campus, or even 90% of the student body. I made a lot of very good friends. In fact, my colorful reputation made it easier to meet new people– but mostly men, and women only as friends. However, I’d always had some enemies and, on a small college campus with a ludicrously conformist dating scene, struggled with women. I was LJBF’d very quickly. I would have a first and second date go very well, only to have her attraction killed immediately by others’ nasty mutterings. Preselection’s a bitch, and if a woman gets the slightest inkling that you’ve been rejected by another girl, well… she’s likely to lose interest. It’s wrong, and in a better world, women would form their own opinions of a man rather than relying on the hens, but that’s the way that 95% of girls actually work.
In my senior year, I’d developed some confidence and experience outside of college, so I was able to surmount this social obstacle, even turning it into an advantage. I played the “sketchy” character up and used it to make people laugh, because things that are ridiculous are usually funny. I managed to get a girlfriend– for about a month. She was attracted to me because of my salacious reputation. She thought I might be “badass” and dangerous. She found excitement in the threat she imagined I might pose to her. When I turned out to be a normal, relatively well-mannered and non-dangerous guy, she lost interest. I’m just not very rapey; I’m sorry, but I’m not.
In the end, I lost four years– the four years with the best mate-finding potential– of my dating and relationship-forming life to a bunch of ill-constructed rumors too ludicrous to be true. It’s not even the original rumormonger that I’ve found myself hating so much. She was a psychologically damaged person, and ended up performing very poorly in college. She’s made nothing of herself, so I now feel a bit of pity for her. Nor do I harbor a strong dislike for her silly, malevolent friends. My greatest rage, then and now, is toward the bystanders: those who believed and spread rumors about an innocent man because they had nothing better to do.
The obvious lesson to take from this is that one shouldn’t believe salacious stories just because they’re more interesting than whatever else is going on in one’s life, but everyone reading this knows that already. Another important point is that in a he-said/she-said dispute, the “she” is not to be believed reflexively. Women have been abusing this privilege for decades in order to push out some incredible lies. Luckily, the carte blanche that college women have to destroy a man’s reputation is rapidly losing its edge, as people become aware of the fact that not all women are innocent flowers, and that some are psychotic bitches.
Finally, fuck preselection. Fuck it, fuck the horse it rode in on, and fuck the day it was invented so hard that every calendar printed over the next 20 years has a smoldering hole on that date. It’s one of the worst traits of women. When a man has no need for them, they provide themselves abundantly– when I’m in a relationship and find such attention to be an obnoxious irritation, I’m hit on constantly– but they love to kick a man when he’s down. Most of them are capricious and lack any sense of justice. If a woman’s attraction to a man fades as soon as she hears that he’s “sketchy”, or that he might have been rejected by another girl (gasp!), then she’s a pretty useless person. Everyone is going to face misfortune and disaster at some point, and too many women are fair-weather friends who flee at the first sign of declining status. Fuck that. Think for yourselves, ladies!
Ending on a perverse side note: frankly, I would have been better off, during my college experience, if the original rape rumor had stuck, instead of the “sketchy” label. First, I can truthfully deny it– it’s a matter of objective fact that I’ve never raped anyone– whereas I don’t even know what it means to be “sketchy”. Am I sketchy? How the fuck would I know? Also, rape (despite being an execrable crime I’d never commit) is pretty “alpha”. It’s a million times more badass than whatever shifty things “sketchy” men do. “Sketchy” is the more disadvantageous label, as women are much more immediately turned off by the possibly-slightly-socially-undesirable than by the violent, dangerous, and evil.
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{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }
Despite that I am a tall, somewhat overweight intellectual who has never been untoward with women, I got the “creepy” label in college too. Have no idea why. And that was at three different colleges.
Though, at my second college i got into a long-term relationship and suddenly all the girls in my dorm deemed me worthy of flirting with. Of course.
Most of the rest of my life, the label has been “gay” for equally obscure reasons. “Creepy” was only in college.
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The creepy label gets assigned to men whom women think are not good with women. Pre-selection has a lot to do with it, because once one thinks you are creepy, it begins to spread through the whole set of friends. But it’s also due to other things like body language, facial expression and so on. Some guys *are* creepy, no doubt. But most of the time when guys get the “creepy” label, it’s a proxy for saying “he’s not very good with women, so pass him up”.
That story of what happened in college is horrible. It just goes to show you how much power women have in using the word “rape”. Even if they are forced to recant, even if it’s proven to be false, the stigma of having been accused can cast a long shadow.
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You are probably right Cless, the bad boy image would have helped you, the stalker one made you Omega
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I think so, yes.
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Yes, and this is obnoxious. It’s fine if a girl doesn’t like me, but why does she have to poison all of her friends? It’s ridiculous. Because of the PC conformism that gives women a ridiculous amount of social power, women get away with murder on college campuses. “He made me uncomfortable” is grounds for a man to be treated as a criminal. Well? Your fat face makes me uncomfortable when I have to look at it, bitch.
“Sketchy” was less severe than “creepy”, but you’re essentially right. The word is misused. No distinction is made, with the “creepy” label, between the pedophile, the socially 1st-percentile Aspie, the psychopath– who probably actually does well with women– and the 50th-percentile beta who tries too hard or gets unlucky.
Yes. You will never have so many smart, attractive, and often still chaste women within physical and social walking distance. Post-college weddings used to be common. They aren’t anymore, because people are so damn immature. This includes me, in that there’s no way I was anywhere close to being ready for marriage at 21– or even 24– but it still would have been nice to have had a fair shot at a serious relationship, or even a sane dating process.
I’ve had stuff like that done to me at various points during my life, though I’ve luckily ..and unluckily.. never been in the self enclosed environment of a college campus. Thanks for explaining the underlying process: I’m about ten years older than you, and I never did figure it out, but then I didn’t have game to help me and since I”ve learned some game, I’ve never experienced THAT kind of rejection or pain so I’ve never really thought it out since the last time it happened. This post caused me to remember some painful times but it also showed me how much you were hurt and for far less reason than I was. I was just your typical dork, totally unsocialized and not playing or even aware of the games anyway.
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Sounds like some liberal arts college in the northeast or perhaps Pomona in California. I had a similar experience at a different type of school where I was a grad student (not as dramatic but I was labeled sketchy). What struck me about the undergrad girls there is that they all wanted to be acknowledged as sexually confident and comfortable and yet they were sexually inexperienced and uncomfortable with men. A lot of them would get hoochied up or try to be flirty but would be outraged when a guy responded to their provocations. Some of them were lesbians until graduation (which allowed them to cultivate an air of sexual transgressiveness while avoiding men). It was almost the flip-side of sexual harassment. They would drag sex into non-sexual situations and then couldn’t understand when guys took their attitudes at face value.
Also, there’s a good number of girls at elite colleges who are uncomfortable with men to the point of almost hating them. If a girl you were interested in wasn’t like that, chances are one of her friends was. And in the incestuous environment of a small college, friends are guarded jealously (especially by girls who can’t make many of them), and a girl wouldn’t hesitate to turn her friend against you.
Class also may have played a role in this story. Girls at elite universities and liberal arts schools are sheltered rich girls. If you weren’t from the same class (and Cless certainly seems smart enough to have been a scholarship student rather than be paying full freight), that may have gotten you singled out.
A lot of girls at elite colleges are facing up to disappointed expectations. They were all the smart pretty girls in their high school who all the smart guys liked. They may have been too busy during high school to date much and figure out where they stood in the sexual marketplace. Then they go to college and discover that they’re really not that smart or pretty. The entire project of those girls may have been to convince other people how special and unique they were. And at college they came to realize that the guy who is as hot as the hottest guy who they turned down, who as is funny as the funniest guy who they turned down, as popular as the most popular guy who they turned down, doesn’t exist or is at least not into them. They may be disappointed by the guys who are into them.
Anyway, I responded to being called sketchy by actually becoming sketchy. I would take the bait when girls would be flirtatious and hit on them blatantly. One girl who I hit on pretty regularly ended up booty calling me and becoming a regular fb. And there was often an inverse correlation between how sketchy I was acting and how often I would be called sketchy. When I went to religious services to meet some of my coreligionists, I would get called sketchy nonstop. When I hung out with my cute freshman students and their dorm-mates, I was the cool older guy.
In retrospect, I’m not totallysure that being sketchy hurt me that badly. Certainly it made things less fun. But I managed to go on a decent number of dates with cute smart girls. My AFC tendencies and inability to make a move probably hurt me much more than the sketchiness. When I compared notes with undergrad guys who weren’t labeled as sketchy, I did about as well.
Game came later. And it was practice on sweet energetic girls not caught up in their own uniqueness.
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A couple months ago Roissy counseled men to use those very terms against women, and accuse them of being “Sketchy”, “Skeevey”, “Wierd”, or whatever, whenever they pull any of their typical female bullshit. He mentioned that these terms denote high levels of disapproval and disrespect in womens’ minds, and that the man who uses these very descriptors against them has a rather powerful tool.
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In the end, I lost four years– the four years with the best mate-finding potential– of my dating and relationship-forming life
I met the woman who “got my cherry” during my freshman year of college. We were involved for the last part of my freshman year and most of my sophomore year. We developed quite a reputation for our screaming matches.
When I finally broke up with her, she went out and found a sucker and was married within 6 months. There was a little more drama with her, but then about 27 years went by without hearing a word from or about her.
Then, out of the blue I got an email from her and we corresponded a bit. I got the typical Lifetime Network story about her life, and how “abusive” her husband was toward her, and how he was “dedicated to destroying” her, and yadda, yadda, yadda. I tuned it out until she laid on me the claim that she had married her husband “as a favor to” me, so she “could let me have my freedom.”
Um, sorry toots, my freedom is not yours to give or withhold and never was.
Maybe you didn’t “lose” anything, but rather dodged a bullet by finding out what these women were like before you said “I do.”
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Cless,
I’ll start by complimenting your writing. This is a well written piece. Very engaging.
Thanks for being so candid. Younger guys that might read this can take some good lessons from it.
In a just world, the woman who accused you would have been expelled and charged with a crime. You are much kinder than I am in feeling sorry for her because of her current dismal state.
“Another important point is that in a he-said/she-said dispute, the “she†is not to be believed reflexively. Women have been abusing this privilege for decades in order to push out some incredible lies.”
Truth.
“Ending on a perverse side note: frankly, I would have been better off, during my college experience, if the original rape rumor had stuck, instead of the “sketchy†label.”
I agree up to a point. “Sketchy” or “creepy” is a death sentence. “Rape” would certainly intrigue some girls. Your self described “betatude” at the time would only take this so far though.
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In a just world, the woman who accused you would have been expelled and charged with a crime. You are much kinder than I am in feeling sorry for her because of her current dismal state.
Exactly my reaction, too.
You were incredibly lucky you had an alibi for that day. What if you’d been somewhere reading that night and hadn’t seen anyone who could verify your whereabouts?
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I think the point is not to marry on graduation, but to meet the person you do eventually marry in college. The people I know from college with the most durable marriages all met their mates in college. They didn’t marry them immediately, but waited until the traditional late 20s. But they stayed together in that time.
College is where you have the greatest access to compatible, available mates at any time in your life. That varies, of course, depending on where you go to college. But it’s the best time to find a compatible person — not, of course, the best time to marry.
Once you leave college finding a compatible mate in the US is a dicey process, in my opinion. Obviously many people find mates, and many find good ones, but, again, in my personal anecdotal experience the ones who have the longest marriages are people who met pretty early on, even if they did not marry early.
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Clarence
What’s upsetting is not so much that it happened, but (a) that no one cares about this issue– when it was happening, people just told me to suck it up– and that (b) it’s actually extremely common.
When it happened to me, I thought it was a 1-in-10000 freak occurrence. Losing most of your college dating opportunities due to a popular but psychotic bitch spreading rumors? It’s said to happen in high school, but not in college. College students are “supposed” to be beyond that.
Years later, with more perspective… it’s not 1-in-10000. It’s closer to 1-in-10, but almost nobody who has been through this talks about it. Indeed, it can even happen to men of average or better social skills and attractiveness. It just takes one hit of bad luck.
K.
Yes! It was a shocking thing to find out, since I never equated “feminism” with man-hating. My mother is a moderate feminist (strong belief in gender equality and equal-pay provisions, but appalled by Sex and the City pop-feminism and “all-sex-is-rape” postmodern bullshit) but never a man-hater.
The man-hater climate begins with all the sirens that are blown around about campus rape. Certainly it happens, and it’s utterly wrong when it does, but this “the man sitting next to you is a potential rapist” attitude is absurd.
A good strategy, always. Glad to hear it worked out. I found this out as well. When my undeserved “sketchy” reputation was a source of insecurity, it made the problem worse. When I made a big flaming joke out of it, I was able to get somewhere.
emarel
Powerful mindfuck. I can see this working. For example, when a girl doesn’t return calls, to call her a bitch doesn’t work. It gratifies her. On the other hand, calling her “sketchy” might get her introspective. What does that mean? Does he not take me seriously? Does he think I’m slutty because I don’t return calls? I will try this the next time I run into it.
Usually, when I run into this, I go for the balls. I suggest that she’s not capable of managing her life, and offer to set her up with a time-management counselor. Women hate the suggestion that they’re not in control of their lives (which is how every man over 22 interprets the “busy” shield). I don’t like being passive-aggressive, but one has to speak the language of the natives sometimes.
zed
Here’s why preselection makes me angry. Rejection isn’t a bad thing. It’s a time saver and a safeguard. I’m thankful that it exists, because if every girl I had ever asked out offered me a date, and another one, and never said no, I’d have wasted several hundred hours of my life dating a slew of incompatible people. What sucks is that getting rejected spreads around and makes other women less attracted to you. Placing a high value on a person’s cultivation of an independent mind, I hate this.
Ganttsquarry
I would tell an 18-year-old who’d had this happen not to let it make him insecure, because the insecurity will compound the problem. Also, I’d recommend that he make friends with the international students, who tend to value ASS (American Social Status) much less, considering American football to be stupid and not even knowing what a cheerleader is. I’d advise him to get a girlfriend if the opportunity arises, since it’s the only way to kill a sketchy reputation, but also not to try too hard to get one, since that would make his rep worse.
It’s hard to be angry with someone who did something stupid and ignorant as a result of profound psychological suffering. I have much more hatred reserved for the smug follow-on idiots who “warned” freshman girls about me.
Agreed. It’s absurd, because no one knows what those words mean. There’s a paradox with women where, the less concrete and fact-based an accusation is, the more social harm it causes.
Tarl
I probably would have been fine, because there was no named victim and I hadn’t had sex with anyone that night, but it would have been messier. What the alibi brought was that the Dean knew, without even asking me, that I couldn’t have done it, and that she was making shit up.
L
People mature at different rates based on their experiences and what is expected of them. If you’re in the luckiest 1% and meet the right person at 19, you’ll probably have enough relationship experiences over the next three years to be ready for something “serious”, and you can get married around 24. If you spend most of your college years alone or wasting time on the hookup market, there’s no way you’ll be ready for a serious relationship by 22. Unfortunately, hookups are becoming more common and legitimate relationships are getting rarer.
College provides two things. The first is access to quality people. It’s a great filter. The second, and much more important, is repeated “chance” meetings. When you meet someone randomly, you usually aren’t going to become friends with that person the first time. It’s the second or third time that it becomes appropriate to ask for contact information or suggest getting together to hang out. (This is irrespective of gender and romantic intention. It’s just awkward to ask someone you’ve just met to spend time with you. It feels rushed.)
In college, you end up seeing the same people more than once, and eventually you can make friends that way. It’s almost effortless. In a city, it’s much harder. The person you meet on the subway you are almost certainly never going to see again if you don’t get her number right then. (This awkwardness is compounded by not knowing where her stop is.) So it’s much easier to make friends and to get dates in college than in “the real world”. There’s work, but in most white-collar jobs (technology is an exception, since talent and skill matter more than social jockeying; it’s also a sausage fest) it is very rare to make real friends at work due to the bullshit competition most white-collar people must take part in if they want to advance.
College is not a social paradise. My experience illustrates that. On the other hand, it’s better for most people than “the real world”, especially when it comes to dating.
Hey, at least you weren’t actually sketchy in college. I’m pretty sure I was.
If nothing else, school is a great opportunity to “practice” dating. Post-college, if you don’t have that practice, you’re behind the curve and it’s a hell of a time trying to catch up with the people who’ve been on a bunch of dates and had a few relationships. I emerged from college at age 20 (I skipped 2 grades in elementary school) having gone on zero dates in college and a single-digit number in high school. Then I spent the next 2 years working most of the time… so my dating career basically began at age 23.
For a brief time around then, I actually got so discouraged that I thought I was “damaged goods” to the point where no woman would ever want me. I believe I went on approximately 20-30 first dates before I got a single second date OR a single kiss (I was too clueless to go for a kiss on a first date). These days, I think the number is ~10 first dates per second date, and I’ll get a kiss at the end of virtually any first date that wasn’t a total train wreck. I’ve heard some PUAs claim that they sleep with 95% of their first dates, which, if true, would just completely blow my mind — I’d be overwhelmed with joy if 50% of my first dates so much as agreed to a second date.
It’s just awkward to ask someone you’ve just met to spend time with you. It feels rushed.
My general experience at the bars is that, even if the girl is highly receptive, you typically get a window of about 20-30 minutes to do your thing. At that point, even if you are doing great, there’s a good chance that the girl’s friends will get distracted and want to run off somewhere else. (In the words of my wingman and I, “look, SHINY SHIT!!!”) Whereas I’m content to stay at the same bar all night if I like it, it would seem that girls rarely do this. Well, it is pretty damn awkward to ask for a number after 20 minutes. If you’re doing well you can blow through that natural awkwardness, but it’s still slightly weird, and I don’t entirely blame a girl for deciding later that she didn’t really want to give you her number.
I would ideally want at least an hour in set before asking for a phone number. But that’s so very rare, unless the girl’s friends are actively trying to help you.
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Preselection is awful, but it won’t change. Women are what they are. Unless they start NEEDING average, ordinary men, for security, physical protection, companionship, and can lose, and lose big, if they choose wrong, they will simply amp up the preselection.
It’s a fundamental aspect of the market imbalance. Women can and will share the few Alpha men, even average women (and most women are average). Women just demand A-holes. It is what they want. So men ought to give it to them.
And yes, for most guys College is nirvana, and work after is terrible. A guy in his twenties, out of college, making low amounts of money, with low status, loses out to men ten years his senior who have money, power, status, and “it” or guys who have the edgy/hip/dangerous vibe. The Bike Messenger / junkie / would-be rock musician, or the Wall Street Master of the Universe. It’s nothing but drone work in cubicles, soul-killing nights in the office, creating stuff that is rarely used and has basically little value.
A man of average status, looks, power is simply invisible to his female peer, in his twenties. It’s only after say, a whole lot of men, that women in their thirties, having had many, many bad boys and at the inflection point of downward attractiveness and fertility, find their male peers visible. And have to deal with men taught to be resentful and who know they are being “settled for” rather than actually desired. “You’ll do” vs. “I love you.”
No wonder divorce rates are so high, and marriage rates so low. All that’s left is the “Middling Rich” who have say, $10 million in the bank and view marriage/family as a corporate merger as the future of marriage.
Preselection and imbalanced market power make a sad, depressing story for men and women. Those who would have been paired off become either lonely, resentful men who try very hard to become huge jerks, with varying success, or play musical chairs with men only to find the music stops eventually.
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Maybe you didn’t “lose†anything, but rather dodged a bullet by finding out what these women were like before you said “I do.â€
zed, this is absolutely correct. I have talked plenty about how women have never been interested in me. I used to be depressed and angry about it. Now, I realize what a gift it is. Sure, I still have to deal with the occasional loneliness, and my sex drive isn’t dead. The fact of the matter is that my life is the best of all possible alternatives.
I’m actually pretty happy compared to my friends, acquaintances, coworkers, business associates, etc. who are married/in a relationship. They are almost all miserable.
A couple months ago Roissy counseled men to use those very terms against women, and accuse them of being “Sketchyâ€, “Skeeveyâ€, “Wierdâ€, or whatever, whenever they pull any of their typical female bullshit. He mentioned that these terms denote high levels of disapproval and disrespect in womens’ minds, and that the man who uses these very descriptors against them has a rather powerful tool.
I think roissy has really hit on to something here. Everyone who can try this, should do so.
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This may be a messed up comment, but please bear with me.
you know how they say “money is the mother of all evil” ,
If you were to ask me “What is the mother of all evil in human sexuality”,
I would without delay, say “Preselection”.
Preselection.
The mother of all evil in dating.
Think about it.
- The neg
You need to neg a girl so she thinks you do not put her on a pedestal. who does not put her on a pedestal? A man who has success with women (e.g. mgotw will not cross their mind) a man who is preselected.
- The negative effect of good behavior
You treat her well. You must have no other options with women. You are not preselected.
- The positive effect of negative behavior
You do not treat her well. (maybe you are a psycho… maybe you dont like her, maybe you are a jerk… irrelevant) Means you must be a man who is able to treat her badly as you have other options. You are preselected.
- The allure of the taken man
He is preselected.
- The same man when single is unattractive
Same effing man, but not provenly preselected
- The allure of thug criminal asshole etc
All comes down to preselection. Other women dig that man, so said woman digs that man. To her detriment.
- the wedding cake problem
Preselection. Now that the man ihas reserved himself to one woman, he is not preselected anymore. She has no proof of preselection, thus attraction takes a dive.
Charm, intelligence, looks, money, all mean nothing if the man has not been preselected, of if the man does not have the preselected aura on him.
It all comes down to preselection.
All pick up theories, all seduction theories (casanova), neg, dhv, dlv, abc, xyz everything.
All ingrained problems with relationships can be traced back to the apparent lack of preselection,
All problems men have with women can be traced to preselection (and its lack of public knowledge)
Preselection is what drives women to crave to be another notch in a alpha by female choice’s belt, ending up pumped and dumped,
Preselection is what makes otherwise good men date jenny five fingers in their most horniest times.
A man looks at a woman, and finds her attractive, or does not find her attractive. thus a man’s attraction is towards the object of attraction.
a woman looks at a man. A woman looks at the (real or perceived) women looking at the same man. If other women find him attractive, he must be attractive, if other women dont find him attractive, well, then he is not. If he is objectively an attractive man, but there are no apparent women lusting for him, or he lacks the arrogant/confident aura (confidence is usally not enough), then well, there must be something wrong with him.
Thus, a woman’s attraction is not to the object of attraction, but to the perceived attraction the object of attraction receives.
This one sentence explains almost all things what is wrong in the sexuality uncontrolled by nature, society or channeled correctly by mentors.
Woman: “Men see women as sex objects”
Well, at least we see the object.
Man: “Women dont see men as any object. They see the love (or lack of) other women have for the man.”
It is not a woman’s own attraction that causes attraction. It is the other women’s perceived attraction that causes attraction.
that is why, if you want to get laid, instead of learning the arts of seduction,
- Get a smoochie mark on your neck.. does not matter if it was Bob who sucked your neck
- On the beach, get clear scratch marks on your back… John can do it
- wherever you go, make sure you have one or two good looking women with you. they can be paid for their service
- Have a gay friend come out with you (even better preselection)
- wedding/engagement ring
- dont forget: the less she thinks you want her, the more she thinks other women want you, the more she wants you.
Everything that has to be learned has one basis: Make her feel you are preselected.
This need of preselection is also the main reason for all things considered dishonest is the dating scene. It starts with a dishonest request. Be preselected, so I select you.
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Although I would say that wedding rings attract — they indicate preselection. Many married guys who are not complete herbs will tell you that they get hit on from time to time by other guys’ wives, as well as single women.
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In other campus false-rape news,
http://www.insidehighered.com/news/2009/10/02/davis
Davis issued a public apology to the men of the campus, who were all under suspicion as potential rapists… oh wait, that didn’t happen.
From now on, they’re going to have “a panel of three experts” check their statistics. And if all three experts are feminazi scam artists?
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Cless, just wanted to say you are a nice guy, don’t give a hoot about those stupid women. I hope you found someone who is worthy of your attention.
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I have found the end all solution to the problem of stupid women as Annie calls them. I avoid ALL women. Professionally, and personally. As much as is possible. I simply don’t need, or even want one. They are not worth the constant insanity you have to put up with. And, I will never be accused of rape, or stalking. Sketchy? Maybe. But that would actually work in my favor anyway.
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http://www.spokesman.com/stories/2009/oct/22/womans-claim-could-ruin-lives/
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B&G
Any black women in here ???–LOL!!!
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Very funny. Now did you read the article? Isn’t that amazing?
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B&G
Nthing new, actually…I´m heavily involved in the Kevin Driscoll case for the MRM in Denmark..Same case scenario…
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B&G
Guess womens sexuality isn´t as liberated as they seem to think themselves, since sacrificing young men is ok, to protect their reputation…were talkin 25 years in jail here…Multiple rapes in jail, due to what their accused of, and a lifelong stigmatization..I see it all the time, these years !!!
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B&G
Welcome to the “Brave New World”, with men as the soma´s…
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B&G
Did you see the Oprah show on Denmark, heard she said that Denmark was a commie state..That´s rubbish…Totally Rubbish!!-Market dominated capitalistic state, as are most contries in the EU…
Haven´t seen it, and don´t care to, most of what I´ve heard had no bearing in real life, whatsoever..
Hate Oprah !
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B&G
Happiest country in the world..Yeah, right..If you only visit the Elite, Tivoli and such…
Stoopid…
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djc
Thumbs Up on all accounts, same here,- and you know what ???
You don´t have to…. yet…
Isnt life grand…??
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novaseeker
Actually, that´s pretty common..If you´re somebodys husband, that means some woman has already broken you in..So they don´t mind , hitting on you, since they will be spared for the trouble of doing thet…
What I cant figure out, for the life of me, is why a women marrying a guy, that´s cheated on and left his wife,-wouldn´t think, that he was quite capable of doing it again ???????
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No, I didn’t see the Oprah show. I don’t have television, only DVDs and Internet.
I’ve never been to Denmark, unfortunately. But I can imagine it’s not that much different from Germany, just more capitalist.
to protect their reputation…
Sounds like it was less about protecting her reputation than simply being an attention-whore. But she obviously feels that the man is expendable.
Kimskinovgorod,
Oh, no! Don’t tell me you’ve given up on my entire gender, as well? C’mon. We’re not all bad.
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What I cant figure out, for the life of me, is why a women marrying a guy, that´s cheated on and left his wife,-wouldn´t think, that he was quite capable of doing it again ?
That’s simple: some people are dumb as rocks.
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B&G
Well, if nothing else…The consequence of these false-rape accusations are, that men have started to talk to other men, across borders..And a sort of web is beginning to emerge, where the falsely accused from one country, suddenly gets support from a lot of different other countries, all at once…
I´ve said it before: The tiger has awakened…And a lot of people are going to be real sorry, that they kicked it for so long….;)
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B&G
Denmark=Germany,-same deal..
Attention/reputation-same deal..
Iknow, you´re not all bad, -have a girlfriend less than a mile from here-goin on 5th year…But she lives in her house, I got mine..
Why put yourself in harms way, nowadays, -that´s just stoooopid
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B&G
It´s not like it´s ONLY in the US–It´s EVERYWHERE around the world, that girls are freakin`…There´s just been a massive wave of it in Sweden..Which has sort of rubbed off on Denmark and Norway, too…
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B&G
I thnk tv is the cause…can´t be the water
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B&G
Really quiet in here today…Is there a football game on..:)
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I think without TV I’m kind of cut-off from a lot of this stuff. If it weren’t for the Internet I wouldn’t even know about it. Sometimes I wish I didn’t know as it’s easier to be happy if you’re ignorant.
I have a son, you know.
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I wouldn’t know about a football game. I have no TV, remember. But I’m going to go watch a movie with my hubby. Ciao!
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B&G
Tell your son about the dangers lurking out in girl-country
Take a shower-Cya !!
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I´ll take a shower, that´is..
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