The Spearhead is only a few days old, yet we already have a rival female, multi-user blog. Girl Game sets out to, in the authors’ words:
[...] provide a female perspective on gender relations & power dynamics, set in the context of personal vignettes from relationships and general opinion pieces.
There is no doubt that this will be an interesting project, and I’m sure it will draw plenty of attention from men and women alike (although perhaps a bit more from men than its contributors expected).
The “rivalry” I mentioned above is not entirely serious, but there will always be some tension between the male and female components of society. This is a natural thing, and in sane times this tension is what holds us above utter savagery like a bridge spanning the mire of the morass. Today, there is a serious imbalance that threatens a catastrophic collapse. If I interpret their mission correctly, these women are rightly worried about that.
I have already resigned myself to a collapse of the contemporary social structure, and do not find the idea all that disturbing — there is, after all, much opportunity for excitement and renewal in times of general ferment. However, I applaud these girls for their concern, because it seems that women who can see and act beyond their immediate hormonal impulses are rare indeed these days.
So I hope the women involved keep posting, and I hope that our male readers take a moment every now and then to consider their opinions, which appear to come from the heart. Honesty in these matters is not only the best quality a woman can have; it is also a great source of wisdom for men who care to pay attention.
{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
One thing I will applaud about ‘GirlGame’ is that most of the contributors are in their early-mid 20s. Lilgirl and Sofia are 22 or younger, while Bhetti and (I think) LSB are in their mid/late 20s.
If this generation wisens up, they will avoid the fate of women born a decade or two earlier, who were subjected to the worst possible ideologies.
So this development is positive.
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I don’t see this as a bad thing at all. I know that the women over there are not radical feminists or anything like that. I am sure we don’t see eye to eye on everything, but that is to be expected, and it’s likely they will have some interesting topics over there from time to time as well.
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No, it isn’t bad. From what I know already, a couple of these girls are not too shabby. I have to admit that Bhetti, despite looking like an AA beneficiary at first glance, is a pretty impressive young writer with a sharp, discerning mind.
But you’re right in that we won’t always agree with them. How could we? We are men, and there will always be disagreements with women. We need to strike a balance between society (female) and civilization (male) before any semblance of harmony returns.
I think, after establishing ourselves in our respective spheres, that some cross-posting would be a good idea.
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I hope we’d never make the mistake of thinking we don’t require guidance or debate, especially from you guys: we do. That’s the main reason I think I manage to say anything worth saying, Welmer.
Fifth: I’m 20.
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If this generation wisens up, they will avoid the fate of women born a decade or two earlier, who were subjected to the worst possible ideologies.
If your sentiment is that young women skip beta males entirely and admit their desire to alpha males, then I’d hope for that as well. If their sentiment is to get women to marry beta males, then I’ll fight that tooth and nail.
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If your sentiment is that young women skip eating vegetables entirely and admit their desire to eat only cookies, then I’d hope for that as well. If their sentiment is to get women to eat more vegetables, then I’ll fight that tooth and nail.
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Let’s just be clear. They are not there to save the beta male. This site is about them snagging the hottest alpha they can. Most men (by definition) are not alpha. For non-alpha men (and that is most of us) “girl game” is about them rejecting you. For those that have “game” it is about the girls figuring out your fake alpha moves. For the few natural alphas it is about them snaring you in a “relationship.” I am not sure what there is to celebrate here.
Your check is not in the mail, they are not here to help, and they probably will still not love you in the morning. The girls are all bright and charming but I am less certain they are here to help us.
In the same way Roissy is not an enemy of women, they are not enemies. But, just be clear “girl game” is not about helping the average beta chump.
I think the enthusiasm for this is more a sign of Novaseekers pussy-turns-men-into pussies-theory.
I am sure it will be a fun place to hang out but I do not see it as start of some revolution.
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I agree it isn’t the start of a revolution. Their place is about girl game — this place is not about guy Game, although I am sure that will come up now and again. So not quite the same thing, even in opposite form.
I do think that their place is useful, though, from the perspective of seeing what they discuss and how it fits together for them. I do think they have been pretty straightforward in the posts there so far, in terms of what they are about.
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Interesting that 4 out of 5 of the Girl Game bloggers are non-white. Are ethnics more clued-up on the way the world is going?
Also, I – and I hate to say it – prefer the Girl Game layout/template – very simple and clean. The ‘recent comments’ on the right is a must. The three column layout here is a bit of a visual overload.
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Palmer — Thanks for the input on the recent comments. Unfortunately, I’m not sure I can do with fewer than three columns, considering all the stuff that will go in the sidebars when the site’s filled out.
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Bhetti, you’re so hot, but your blog picture doesn’t do you justice…
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That’s alpha. =) Nice work guys. The site looks relatively clean other than the business.
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Well, I did. Till just now. Does that mean all men are liars, even when they tell use we can “trust them”?
Yes. They come from cultures that are still sane about male and female roles, and that have survived for centuries against all sorts of changes.
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Hey – the content is great. I didn’t realise there was more stuff coming
. This site deserves a wide readership.
(Just one other thing. The column format after the first article. I don’t know why but a straight one post after the other is easier on the eye for me.)
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Hey Welmer, thanks for the plug!
Default —
I do believe that alpha-ness is relative, as male status is relative. Obviously, any type of “girl game” will always be about snagging the best guy you can get. I’m not going to apologize for this, because, as we know, women must be more selective than men in the mating process. That said, there’s definitely merit in letting women know that they can’t hold out for Mr. Super-Alpha, because there will only ever be a VERY small number of “Super-Alphas”. We’re not trying to get women into some sort of harem-type situation with the Alphas of the world, we’re trying to help them understand what makes a woman valuable, as a mate, to a RELATIVELY high male. As for helping the beta males, well, you’ve already got Roissya nd the like.
Tood, etc.
Interesting. We’re trying to display a diversity of views, though most of us are from non-white, non-American cultures. For the record, though, I’m probably (this is not a good or a bad thing…it just is) most likely to identify as a white American female than I am anything else.
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If your sentiment is that young women skip eating vegetables entirely and admit their desire to eat only cookies, then I’d hope for that as well. If their sentiment is to get women to eat more vegetables, then I’ll fight that tooth and nail.
If they understand the consequences of eating cookies and skipping vegetables, then I certainly have no problems with this arrangement, and I’ll support their desire to do so. Thus, if women want alpha males to the exclusion of beta males, then I have no qualms about their right to do so as well*.
*Of course, I’d prefer to avoid crushing child support, alimony, and false rape claims.
there’s definitely merit in letting women know that they can’t hold out for Mr. Super-Alpha, because there will only ever be a VERY small number of “Super-Alphas”
One can always join the harem, go lesbian, become a single mother, or stay single.
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Palmer, if it were simply my own personal blog that’s how I’d set it up, but this is an online magazine. We have a number of contributors and a significant amount of content, so it will be displayed in a teaser format to give readers a wide selection of links on the front page.
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I describe the alpha-female strategy in great detail here.
Here’s the deal. You cannot get a true alpha-male to be faithful. Don’t try. There are plenty of nice beta males who, by the standards of modern society, are just as fit as the alphas– attractive, smart, personable, interesting, et cetera. But since they don’t actively seek social dominance, they rarely have it.
I’m quite “beta”, but I am smarter, better-looking, and a better person than most “alpha” males. I’m a much better boyfriend than they are, and I’ve never cheated on a girlfriend ever. That women would use “game” to pursue ill-spirited alpha pricks when men like me go single is astonishing to me.
Most women are naturally beta. Their sex drive is naturally more K-selective (see my blog post tomorrow; 7:30 am) than r-selective. This means that most of them would be happier finding an attractive beta than striving for an alpha, but they don’t do so, because this culture overvalues instant gratification.
A woman, wanting to be an alpha-female, may join an alpha male’s harem. What happens to her? She’ll be treated like chattel, and given little respect. Her kids will have an absentee father. On the other hand, if she’s successful at rising to the social apex of the alpha’s harem, her kids can be heirs instead of bastards, and inherit the father’s social status. This is something that a few women are genetically programmed to do against their personal interests. It is not a trait designed to make them happy.
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This could be the start of a new kind of relationship and understanding between the genders. Roissyites, go forth, conquer the world! LOL.
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I agree with everything Default User has said.
On top of that, “girl game” will collapse because only a few men have status. Let’s face it. The relative nature of status will mean that only a few women can really get such men even assuming alpha males have harems. Even if “girl game” ends up having a component of learning to settle all this means is that the women won’t ever be happy with the men they can get. The whole thing will fall flat on its face.
Personally, this is just another reason why GYOW and specifically ghosting is a good thing.
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There is nothing wrong with a few women in their early 20s (as Bhetti, Sofia, and Lilgirl) are, spending a few years trying to get an Alpha. Male Game is about getting the best women, so women seeking the mirror objective is natural (if substantially more futile).
Of course, they must realize that all a woman can really do to become more attractive to a man is :
1) Become better looking
2) Do the womanly duties that make a man happy, well. LSB recently said that she believes in traditional division of household duties by gender (woman does housework, man brings in the dough). This is a positive that she should be emphasizing, as men would look upon her more favorably through this.
But other than that, a woman can’t do much to get a man way out of her league. Tiny tricks are only on the margins, and a 5 will never, ever be competitive with a 9. Never. No matter what the 5 does.
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Here is another thing that women don’t grasp.
Most women would NOT enjoy being married to a millionaire as much as they think they will.
This is because any self-made millionaire is frugal. He is not about to have some aging wife spend his life’s work frivolously. Men who inherit their money from their parents may be less frugal, but then count on a lot of intrusion from the guy’s parents into your lives. It is THEIR money, after all. The parents don’t die until the kids are 50, so the woman has a long wait.
So a lot of women really don’t know that what they wish for is not quite what they think it is.
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My cousinsister-in-law wrote :
For the record, though, I’m probably (this is not a good or a bad thing…it just is) most likely to identify as a white American female than I am anything else.
That is what I thought about myself too, until I was about 30. In reality, there are differences between your preferences and that of a generic white girl that are not yet apparent, but will be soon with time.
For starters, do you spend everything you make, or do you save a sizable percentage of your income, investing for the long term? If the latter, you are a lot more Asian than white..
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“If they understand the consequences of eating cookies and skipping vegetables, then I certainly have no problems with this arrangement, and I’ll support their desire to do so. Thus, if women want alpha males to the exclusion of beta males, then I have no qualms about their right to do so as well*.”
Ok, but don’t you think it’s just a little fucked up that society will constantly tell young boys and men that women desire solid stable beta Schnerdlingers and pound the living shit out of any alpha traits they display at a young age in the ultra-feminized public school systems? I don’t think there’s anything fundamentally wrong with women’s natural desires for alphas at the exclusion of betas, I think lying about it and actively betaizing men from birth is what’s wrong. It would be parallel to society constantly telling women, starting at a young age, that men like overweight women and encouraging them to eat and never exercise. Speaking from personal experience, I don’t have any bitterness toward women for preferring alphas over betas, but I am upset that I was always told by film/television/teachers/books/parents that I should just be a hard working supplicant to be successful with women. If we are going to live in a society in which women are not penalized for following their vaginas instead of their heads, men at least have the right to know the truth about female sexuality.
I think perhaps you underestimate the implications of women being granted that right. One needs only to point straight to the black ghetto and British underclass communities, the easiest way to out-alpha somebody is to kill them or beat them up. I think perhaps the nature of female sexuality is more natural and unconsciously known to a few high testosterone men, and they WILL kill over pussy. Women can still have the right to chase alphas at normal men’s exclusion, but it should be known that this right comes at the expense of men as a whole and is overall not a utility maximizing outcome.
I understand that many subscribe to the theory that there can only be a finite amount of alpha males, but I do think it’s possible to make a much larger portion of the male population sexually attractive just with some basic information about what does and doesn’t make vaginas tingle.
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Good to see the pic of lilgirl used was the one that best expresses the hidden gravitas of her blog.
It will interest all to know the full pic is of her in giant white bloomers as she stands at a cutting board, expertly preparing a meal for her beloved as she has done so many, many times before.
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To give her testes full and fair credit.
LILGRL at least doesn’t moderate my comments
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All first-time comments are moderated due to spam issues (this is a self-hosted site). You’re in the clear now.
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I’m quite “beta”, but I am smarter, better-looking, and a better person than most “alpha” males. I’m a much better boyfriend than they are, and I’ve never cheated on a girlfriend ever. That women would use “game” to pursue ill-spirited alpha pricks when men like me go single is astonishing to me.
Most women are naturally beta. Their sex drive is naturally more K-selective (see my blog post tomorrow; 7:30 am) than r-selective. This means that most of them would be happier finding an attractive beta than striving for an alpha, but they don’t do so, because this culture overvalues instant gratification.
Careful.
The issue is not so much, in my view, that the culture emphasizes instant gratification as that women are now empowered to pursue their *sexual* interests — and these sexual interests are typically *not* K-drive stuff.
If you take a glance at female-oriented romance fiction, for example (textual porn for women, in essence), what you’ll quickly find is that the whole thing is very r-drive oriented. It’s the r-drive stuff that excites women, emotionally and sexually, and the current culture has given women the sense of *entitlement* to pursue this. That’s why we see women snubbing guys like you in favor of alpha assholes.
Both men and women face different tradeoffs in partner selection. For men, it’s the madonna/whore thing — a man wants a woman who is not a prude, but also not a slut — he wants both. And to get some of both he needs to make tradeoffs in selecting a mate, for the most part — often the most beautiful women, for example, are not great candidates for a partner because they will be hounded by other men 24/7 and will require a high level of mate guarding behavior to retain in the current environment. So men trade down beauty, even below what they are able to achieve, to get someone who is more stable, loyal, a good partner and mother and so on. For women, the tradeoff is between “dads” and “cads” — roughly speaking men who are stable/good boyfriends (like Cless), on the one hand, versus men who are emotionally and sexually exciting like a romance novel guy. Women, when they seek partners, have traditionally traded away some of the cad characteristics in favor of dad characteristics, even though they may be more attracted, in a raw sense, to the cads — just as a man may be more attracted, in a raw sense, to women who are more beautiful than his partner, but he does not hold out for such women or choose them as his mate for other reasons.
The problem today is that women are not encouraged to make this tradeoff nearly enough. The reasons for that are several. One is that feminism had a strong strand in it that loathed this tradeoff, as it was one of the main aspects that characterized the life of women for millennia: being married to men other than the ones they were most attracted to. A strong strand in feminism is about ditching this tradeoff, and creating the circumstances within which women can avoid the tradeoff to the extent they wish to do so. That brings us to the next factor: female economic emancipation. While this, in itself, is clearly not a bad thing, it has had an adverse impact on female mate selection precisely because relatively few women now *have* to make any sort of trade-off at all –> if they don’t find the magical combination of dad and cad, they can simply opt to become single mothers, or pursue their careers more assiduously and so on. There is still stigma for women who are older and unmarried, but much less than there used to be, and quite a bit of support as well. Or they “settle” for a K-drive attractive man at the expense of their r-drives just at the time that their testosterone is kicking up (30s and 40s) and starts screaming the r-drive more loudly into their ears — something that leads to marital dissatisfaction and divorces in many cases. Many women find themselves stuck with Mr. K-drive just at the time when their r-drive is kicking in, and end up having r-drive affairs with r-drive type attractive men. Quite often this leads to divorce.
So I don’t see it really as an issue of the instant gratification culture as much as I see it as the natural outgrowth of feminism and its aftermath. I know you don’t like to blame feminism for this stuff, but to be honest I don’t see how one can’t do so, at least to some extent. It was a central part of the second wave feminist movement to emancipate women from having to make tradeoffs in mate selection which women chafed under for millennia. The young women of today are one of the first generations of women who have been raised in the new, non-trade-off environment and they are taking advantage of that. A woman won’t choose you, Cless, because women won’t choose men like you, in general, unless they *have* to — either due to social stigma, biological clock running down, economic dependency (as in the past) and so on. Put another way, women will only stop their alpha-chasing ways once the opportunity cost for continuing in that vein becomes sufficiently high for them — once the costs of continuing to do so outweigh the benefits of doing so, as well as the cost of trading off for a more beta-ish male as a mate. Until that tipping point is experienced in their lives, most women will continue to alpha-chase on the chance that they can actually *land* one to a commitment, and get the payday of having dad and cad in one guy. That sounds well enough, given that most women *will* experience that tipping point at some stage, but often by then the damage is done: some women will clearly see what they are doing as “settling”, and that feeling, in itself, can undermine any LTRs or marriages that result from the recalibration that can happen in women once their tipping point has been reached. In other words, women can (and do) experience a kind of buyer’s remorse after marrying Mr. Dad if they have had sufficient exposure, sexually/emotionally, to the exciting roller-coaster of life with Mr. Cad prior to reaching their own tipping point, and if they enjoyed that life (with the only thing missing, in their minds, being the ability/willingness of Mr. Cad to commit to them).
Men are also behaving badly in this regard, chasing the whores and leaving many of the madonnas on the shelf. I’m not going to excuse that behavior at all. But the context in which it happens is the post-feminist sexual marketplace which was deregulated, we must remember, at the loud demand of second wave and later feminist women because women who have lots of sexual access (the whore contingent), and corresponding higher than average r-drives (think Germaine Greer or Naomi Wolf) chafed to no end under the previous regime of socially-enforced monogamy.
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WOW! Fine site. I’ve put The Spearhead on my blogroll because I can see I don’t want to miss a single article…
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cousinbrother-in-law:
Interesting. This is a great point, because I think it absolutely illustrates why a lot of guys can’t grasp the idea of girl game. Girl Game is not about improving yourself to get a man way out of your league. It’s about getting a man in your league to commit to you.
So yes, if you’re a 5 and you’re comparing yourselves to 9′s, you’re “settling” in the um game of life. But, if you secure a man within your league, you’re really not settling. You’re getting exactly who you will, ultimately, be happiest with — I don’t think relationships with vast discrepancies in partner-levels-of-attraction last very long, as they’re most certainly strained by the out-of-leagueness. If you were a 4 and your partner was a 10, there’d be a lot of problems in the relationship (that’s not to say it couldn’t work — there are always exceptions): including, but not limited to, the lesser partner being very jealous, the lesser partner being very insecure, the greater partner feeling like he/she has “settled” in terms of looks, etc.
As for the “being more white than Asian,” I assume that you mean you felt this way because you were Indian and grew up in an American community. Well, your parents were Indian, were they not? With (however tenuous) Indian values/culture/etc.? I’m assuming they were.
Well, my parents are white. Very, very white. My mother is from West Virginia, my father is from Detroit (and also half-Swedish). I grew up in Tokyo, but in an American community. No where in that mix did I learn anything — ANYTHING — about my “ethnic culture” of Vietnam. Heck, I only just had Pho a week ago, because my boyfriend forced it down my throat.
So, while, obviously, a child who grows up in an American culture is not necessarily “American,” because of the cultural background of his or her parents…such is not the case with me. I have no “grandmother with wisdom of the old ways” — my grandmothers were both alive, kicking, and helping out the good ol’ USA during WWII. You can trace my family line on my mother’s side back to our earliest protestant settlers.
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Fifth: Well, I have to ask, why did you think I was mid to late 20s?
Millionaires or rich men or high status men in general. Quite. Not only that, the vast majority are insufferable. Upon intimate acquaintance with them, a person in my circles concluded that The Millionaire Triad of qualities is:
– paranoia
– stinginess
– being difficult to deal with
A rarity of them are redeemable
See ‘economic emancipation’ and ‘textual porn’ for why I’m Not Bothered. I theorise ‘textual porn’ is half the reason why marriages to some betas work, actually. Children with an authoritative and stable father that I have affection and threshold attraction for (though it’d be nice if it was above threshold but alas… he doesn’t want me…) is what primarily appeals to me. An attractive woman — personality and looks — is healthy body and mind and also has options. I admit to being curious about how well I’d do. I’m truly not desperate about this but I’d like to disseminate knowledge to other women. I’d like to dispel the anti-beauty sentiment. I want to give them tools for happiness, wisdom and expanding their selves: a good woman wants a good man. I want to convey the understanding they’re responsible for their own happiness and it’s not a man’s responsibility. By extension making whoever they’re with happier, beta or not.
Novaseeker: That comment (in the vein of a similar one recently) is epic and stored for later reference.
Mjaybee:
The weather’s rather cold, actually.
I should hope nothing that goes by the name of ‘Big Ben’ should do me justice, neither do I want justice done to me by Parliament.
(I suppose I should start to imbibe some PC Juice if I wish to avoid that fate: after all, I’m going to be a medical health professional in the country’s National Health Service.)
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Bhetti asked :
Fifth: Well, I have to ask, why did you think I was mid to late 20s?
Because in the US, Medical school is only after 4 years of undergraduate, so MD Students are generally 23-26.
The UK has a different system, of course.
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Well, my parents are white. Very, very white. My mother is from West Virginia, my father is from Detroit (and also half-Swedish). I grew up in Tokyo, but in an American community. No where in that mix did I learn anything — ANYTHING — about my “ethnic culture” of Vietnam.
So you were adopted? OK, that is certainly different, then. I am talking about US-born people who are still of their biological Asian parents.
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@Lilgirl
Interesting. Yours is a great point, because I think it absolutely illustrates why a lot of girls can’t grasp the idea of basic human mating behavior. A man of your league is the one who is willing to commit to you rather than “men that are willing to have sex or short-term flings with you”. This is because “8 men” can have sex with “5 women” : this does not mean that “5 women” are of the same league that these men but that men will drop their standards DRAMATICALLY when it comes to sex. If sex and short-terms relationships were the stick to measure “leagues”, there would be no women who is less than 5. This is why commitment is the stick to measure leagues.
So, if you are a 5, you should have no problem to get a 5 to commit. There is no need about “girl game”. You can get commit men of your league because your league is composed by men who are willing to commit to you.
If you think you need “girl game” to get men of your league to commit you have not understand something. Hint: maybe these men are not of your league.
The problem is that many women think they are an 8, when they are only a 5. Since they have had sexual experience with “8 men” (because men drop their standards for sex), they think they are 8. But they’re not.
This is why they think they these men are of their league. Once a woman have tasted the sweet flavor of an alpha man, beta guys will leave her unsatisfied. So they will pursue an alpha guy (“a quality man”) by delluding themselves about being of the same league. And that is why “girl game” exists.
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